Nov 21, 2013


Dan bacakanlah (wahai Muhammad) di dalam kitab Al Quran ini perihal Maryam, ketika dia memencilkan diri dari keluarganya di sebuah tempat sebelah timur.

Kemudian Maryam membuat dinding untuk melindungi dirinya dari mereka maka Kami hantarkan kepadanya Ruh dari Kami lalu ia menyamar diri kepadanya sebagai seorang lelaki yang sempurna bentuk kejadiannya.

Maryam berkata: Sesungguhnya aku berlindung kepada (Allah) Ar Rahman daripadamu, kalaulah engkau seorang yang bertaqwa.

(Maryam, 19: 16- 18)

Maryam, a girl known well, very well, not only to almost every soul in this dunnya, but far across the arasy'. A woman, so precious she is that a surah is named after her and her story is being told over and over again in many other surah in the Quran. A woman, so noble not only with that golden blood running in her veins, but also for the fact that she's positioned in the very same line among the woman promised for a an absolute secured guarantee for a place in Jannah, and indeed, a special place to Allah.

So famous she is whilst ironically, for the truth- she's a woman most covered,
best well- kept secret ever.

Such a clean girl. No dirt.



"ketika dia memencilkan diri dari keluarganya"

She was born from the fruits of hope, promise, and prayer beyond for the sake of the continuation of the zurriyyat- greater it is, for the sake of the Deen, for Allah. She was placed away, far, far away from the hectic and chaos of dunnya and she, herself was being honest with it. She pulled herself away from those either. There's no such thing that she had herself stood for rebel or anything as such upon what was being decided by her mother and by her uncle Nabi Zakaria. She was placed far, far from the superficial guardian of hers.

What do we, the ladies do when we are away from our family? From our guardian? How do we behave? How do we dress ourselves as? How do we socialize?

Let Maryam teaches us..

"Maryam membuat dinding untuk melindungi dirinya dari mereka"

Literally, it was a place she hides in, giving her shades and protection. Nabi Zakaria built her a small house for her to live her life, for her to perform her 'ibadah.

Nonetheless, highlight there- the statement saying Maryam builds a wall while we know from the story, his uncle Nabi Zakaria who won the voting upon being her guardian was the one who built the house for her. Could it mean a young girl like her helping out, lifting up bricks assisting the construction of the house for her to live in? It's more than just those building we can vividly think of, really.. It's the wall, a barrier Maryam created on her own, to protect herself from "them". Talk about those that often drag us, the ladies from where we are supposed to stand still at; alluring fashionable clothes, dresses, jeweleries, high heels..

"maka Kami hantarkan kepadanya Ruh dari Kami lalu ia menyamar diri kepadanya sebagai seorang lelaki yang sempurna bentuk kejadiannya."

And yes, another thing a girl is undeniably often being tested with- guys (hot guys, to be exact..). 

We should admit this, don't we? The guys we secretly admire of, guys we saw or met even for a few minutes but already have their faces and figures floating in our mind, guys that give us heavy hot blush and heart thump, guys we shout out loud for, guys we spend some or a lot of time with and of whom crowding our heart and soul, leaving only a little space for Allah to conquer our thoughts, our 'ibadah, our life..

Guys who make ladies fall and even give everything with no solid and Allah- permitted reasons.. Guys who make ladies; the non hijabis, hijabis, and even niqabis to have their dignity and shame directly or indirectly melts away, blurring or even go against the principle of pure ikhtilat..

So Maryam, tell us more. More. What kind of building it is? What kind of wall you made to protect yourself?

"Maryam berkata: Sesungguhnya aku berlindung kepada (Allah) Ar-Rahman daripada (gangguan) mu kalaulah engkau seorang yang bertaqwa."

Her wall is made of avoidance. An escaped of avoidance.
It's made of the strong virtue of Iman, filled with the strong feeling of awareness and fear.

"Sesungguhnya aku berlindung kepada (Allah) Ar Rahman.."

She's aware of her condition. Being a woman, which is logically weaker than a man. She's alone in her place. No doubt she's in fear. Fear to what can possibly done by a man towards a woman. And defenitely it is- fear to Allah. She aware of her status- a muslim woman. She made her effort anyhow. Big effort- hiding and at that moment, taking not even a single step or try to approach the guy. Not opening even a little inch of opportunity for him to get her. None. As for that, she then surrendered. No, not to the guy. Not to that handsome, perfect guy in front of her. To Allah. And she have a strong faith to the Most Loving Allah.

"..daripadamu kalaulah engkau seorang yang bertaqwa."

And she has faith to the guy too. To the pious, devoted guy- if that's who he is. 

There, Maryam does tell us a simple, basic criteria of "seorang yang bertaqwa". No such nonsense of aku mendambakan lelaki yang boleh menjadi imam etc, etc, etc.. At times, we don't have to wish or seeking so much for the pious man where it's enough for us to be able to spot them.

And you see, there's a possibility for a "good man" to somehow be anywhere around a girl, around girls, but strictly it is- no such thing that can pollute the atmosphere of taqwa. He will do nothing, as in n.o.t.h.i.n.g; in term of no whatever- whatsoever, small- the- matter and no- purpose talks or actions. If there's any, it's going to be significantly important, and it's fillah. 


"Allah melihat ke dalam hati para hambaNya. Dan didapatiNya hati Muhammad s.a.w adalah yang paling putih. Maka Allah memilih Nabi dan utusan yang membawa risalah penutupNya. Lalu Allah melihat lagi ke dalam hati para hambaNya, maka didapatiNya hati sahabat- sahabat Muhammad adalah yang paling jernih. Maka Dia pun menjadikan mereka sahabat yang mendukung dan menolongnya dalam menegakkan risalah."
(Abdullah ibn Mas'ud)

kita jaga diri k.

Putih, jernihkan diri kita, Allah akan atur kita untuk bersama dengan orang2 yang putih, jernih juga. Bersama hidup untukNya, bersama tsabat di jalanNya. Bersama di syurga.

Akh Ammar died at a young age, as a syahidullah, biidznillah.
No girls living in this dunnya deserves him, perhaps.
And Maryam, a virgin who was made pregnant, biidznillah, without a husband.
No guys living in this dunnya deserves her, perhaps..
-al fatihah-

Jun 9, 2013

One of the menu for Ramadhan

"Dah berapa juz?"
"Hari tu tak baca. Kena kejar ni~"
"Pecut. Pecut. Must khatam in this 1 month Ramadhan!"

Ramadhan is around the corner, hunneyys.. And those above, familiar, eh? At one point, we are so much in a rush to reach that khatam- in- 1 - month target that we forgot the functions of the Quran itself..
I was asked about Quran pelangi for wanita that day. I've seen it; very beautiful- just enough to make my womanly heart to melt.. It's a good choice to motivate us in reciting Quran, I admit. I great bestfriend will it make too, insya Allah for its handy size, contents which are packed with a lot, A LOT of extremely beneficial assests and, and cute.
By far, now I already have my so- called Quran pelangi though and it took me years to finally found this special soulmate of mine..


I have 2 Quran within these 2 years. The 1st one was given by Emak- Jazakillahu khoir Emak.. While the later one was bought and chose all by myself.. I bought it several months ago and Alhamdulillah, used the most till now.

The Quran's name is AL HIDAYAH. If I can describe it in brief- it's the miniature of the "Quran Miracle". It's that "Al Quran per kata", comes in a half- A4- size. Not that small, honestly, nonetheless for what it gives- it's a lot handy. I was at first a bit uneasy the fact that the words are each put in quite a distance, but a lot of recitations helps in adapting that matter fast, and over time, enabled the same way of recitation with other Quran, insya Allah.

I'm in my clinical rotation period of my Medical course. I'm in that environment where I have less chances to dedicate myself to focus to learn Arabic language. Having this Quran + dictionary all in one is indeed, helps me in learning and practicing, if not abundance, then a lot of Arabic words. Personally, biidznillah, it's extremely supports me in knowing the meaning and to tadabbur each ayah deeper.

It has instructions and teachings of Tajweed, through numbers and symbols in every page. Yes. Every page. I'm no good in Tajweed. Nevertheless, I'd rather be ashamed in not being able to recite the words of Allah in proper Tajweed than not being able to speak in English with proper grammar.. I can't manage to have a fix schedule to have an Ustazah to teach me reciting Quran in its appropriate manner, so this is the most I can do so far. Alhamdulillah, my recitation is better guided. This way, I may not be doing it perfect, still, but efforts count, isn't it?

Every word comes with translation and the full translations it has at the side biidznillah, provide great assistance to memorize the surah. Some people can memorize the surah even without knowing the meaning of each ayah, but I found greater ease in memorizing the surah as to know its translation. Like reciting Al Muzzammil during Qiammullail with the meanings soaking up our soul gives goosebumps externally and internally, it indeed is..

It tells a lot of Asbabun Nuzul. Previously, little that I know that one surah may contain several asbabun Nuzul the fact that parts of ayah represents different background and reasons for them to be sent down. Knowing that, I had my run for the Quran that can help me to know that behind- the- scene- stories. One page of Quran can even tells 4 different asbabun Nuzul. I love stories. I love reading. This is a.w.e.s.o.m.e.

Al Hidayah, be a company for me in my qubr, a good witness for me during the day of Al Haq, please..

I wrapped it for the sake of enabling me to have them in my hands. The atmosphere I'm breathing it doesn't always accept- directly or indirectly, people reciting Quran at any possible place and time. Having my Quran wrapped in the same wrapping paper like my other notebook, biidznillah, it made quite a well done camouflage. Woman and their beautified stuff, nothing odd..

So that's my Quran, one of the must- have menu I put in the list of my Ramadhan's menu.


Setiap yang wujud itu ada ruhnya.. kan..
Bond our ruh with the ruh of our Quran and lit up the ruh of Ramadhan.. When it comes to choosing a Quran, choose it in ways of how you can really use it to the fullest. I mean it. Trust me, there's a great something- something reason. beyond words to explain upon why it's one of the 2 things Rasulullah s.a.w asked us to firmly hold on tight to.

Ramadhan is near. Very near. It's the month of the revelation of Quran. It's a birthday deserve most a "huge" celebration, isn't it? So together, lets.

It's we who define our Ramadhanlicious ourselves.

Salam Ramadhan.

In case you are interested to either of the Quran,
tafaddhol, tafaddholi, welcome to contact me for details:)
RM 55 for Al Hidayah and RM 85 for Quran pelangi tajwid wanita.
Whatsapp: +62 8222 673 673 1  


Apr 28, 2013

Diary of Al Fateh

"Sesungguhnya aku redha dengan ujian Allah terhadapku. Aku redha ulat- ulat ini memakan dagingku kerana Allah yang membenarkannya. Allah yang memberiku penyakit ini. Sekiranya aku tidak redha, bagaimana akanku peroleh redha Allah?"

(Nabi Ayub a.s when asked about his action of putting back the dropping larvae which had been nesting, eating out the broken skin of his wound during the period of his great illness.) 


Monday, 8th of April 2013

I experienced runny nose and a bit of cough, medically termed as Rhinopharyngitis. Perhaps it was due to my immune- compromised state et causa post- MMR immunization on the very last week that I easily got infected with that through Mak Dek and Kak Tuya or either one of those, of because of both..

Oh. It’s Ummi’s birthday today. Minus 25..
Tabarakallah Ummi:')

Ummi made a special home- made cheesy rainbow cake for my very 1st birthday. I'm making her one too one day, biidznillah..

Wednesday, 10th of April 2013

I started getting quite feverish that night.
Syafi Al Fateh ya Allah..

Thursday, 11th of April 2013: 

I was all feverish, felt so unwell that I cried a lot. That evening, around 4pm plus, Mak Dek Whatsapp Ummi telling about bringing me to see a doctor. I bet Ummi would be worrying about me over there..

Went back home, around 6.30pm, I got a seizure. Yes. Seizure. About 1 minute or two. Uwan, Pak Long, Mak Dek and everyone was so shocked and scared. That night, I was again brought to the clinic.

Friday, 12th of April 2013:

My body felt very hot. Feverish, still, despite that antipyretic suppository drug *urgh*. That morning Uwan and Pak Lang brought me to the hospital and I was admitted.

Several attacks occurred during the admission.

I was right away transferred to PHDW, somewhat like ICU, but a for a little less critical paediatric case. I was half awake that time. I couldn’t sit down. I couldn’t even lift up my head. Uwan and doctors kept calling my name. All I could do was staring them back. They tickled my foot, and I could only make a firm extension of my foot as my defense mechanism. I whined of being ill..

Sakit penghapus dosa.. Tapi Ya Allah.. Fateh tecik lagi..
Uhm.. Ni mesti ujian Allah untuk kuatkan Fateh. Yaqeen!

In the midst of that, Abi was told about my condition. Then Abi told Ummi. Oh yes. Abi is in Jordan. Ummi is in Indonesia. Far.

How I wish this world is as small as my baby toe..
Once told, Ummi’s heart skipped beating for a second. Shivered. There were cocktails of sentiments agitating in Ummi’s heart. Terribly upset. Mad. Disappointed. Regret. She held her tears. I know Ummi well, very well. She’s a cry baby. A real cry baby. But there, Ummi held it with all the power she could made herself up. After talking to Uwan, she talked to the doctor. She asked for GCS, my type of seizures, my laboratory results.

I was measured 39.4 degree celcius. My GCS scored 8.
My FBC had it Lymphocytosis and a slight decrease in Haematocrit percentage.

Hyperpyrexia. Seizures. Altered consciousness.
Viral Meningitis?

At 10pm plus. Another attack. My GCS dropped.

The wall securing Ummi’s fortitude collapsed. Ummi bursted into tears. Great flood of tears. She recalled all the ME and Encephalitis patients she handled during her clinical rotation in the department of Paediatric before.

Aku adalah apa yang disangkakan hambaKu terhadapKu.

My baby Fateh will be alright. My superbaby Fateh will be alright.
I know You'll take care of him. Take good care of him.

Ummi booked a flight ticket to Malaysia that night. Her colleagues helped her packing her things up, informed our specialist for an emergency leave and drove her back to Jogjakarta. That 1 hour journey from Klaten to Jogja was like walking on the sharp glasses to Ummi.

Ummi recalled things back. Back. Back. All the things she had, she's facing after she made her Hijrah. And she recalled back. Back. When she was drowning in the mud of sins and through all the jahiliyyah still sticking so strong in her till now. She blamed herself for that. She felt as much as if the punishments for all the sins she did was poured on me.

Ummi texted Aunty Ain and Kak Shida. She needed her calming angels to sooth her, to accompany her. To indirectly make her stop having all the negative, pressuring thoughts.

Ummi soaked herself in their tight, warm hugs. She shed some tears on their shoulders, but this time, no, she didn’t cry like a hungry baby with them. But she did so to Allah. 

That was the first time, a chatter- box Ummi who loves to tell mountain of stories to Allah lost her words in front of The Best to Listen. She felt upset, hurt. One after another things over and over again happened, are happening to her and she tried to place that sense of redha at her best, but now she felt as much as if her heart was exploding.

"Kenapa Fateh ya Allah..?"

Most of what she asked for is for Allah to give me the best of strength to go through all this. For Allah to give us the best of strength to go through all this.

Ummi cried. Cried. Cried.

Allah.. Please know, it's not that Ummi is giving up on You. She was deeply upset of herself. She felt ignored at one point and that makes her scared.. I know You never ignore Ummi O Allah. I know You never ignore us. I can't coax Ummi, nonetheless I know, Allah have His best of way to sooth her clouded heart. He always know how to do so.

Remember when no one able to comfort the pathetic heart of the mother of Musa a.s when she was to sail the few days old baby Musa a.s away? When she was afraid of things that may harm him? He coaxed her. He did it. He, The Most Knowing, Most Loving and Most Merciful.

Dan Kami ilhamkan kepada ibu Musa: "Susukanlah dia dalam pada itu, jika engkau takutkan sesuatu bahaya mengenainya (dari angkara Firaun), maka (letakkanlah dia di dalam peti dan) lepaskanlah dia ke laut dan janganlah engkau merasa bimbang dan jangan pula berdukacita sesungguhnya Kami akan mengembalikannya kepadamu, dan Kami akan melantiknya menjadi salah seorang dari Rasul-rasul Kami".
(Al Qasas, 28: 7)

Saturday, 13th of April 2013

It was 5pm plus. She dressed in black. All black, except her light metallic pink glasses. I heard her whispered Alhamdulillah when she landed me her 1st kiss. She took out a set of colorful blocks for me to play with, and there, I could see her eyes watered when I threw and kicked them off. Annoying me, eh?
My Paediatric GCS already hit an almost perfect score but I was quite weak and felt drowsy- thanks to the sedating effect of Phenytoin. I was pretty irritable since I gained full consciousness. Imagine yourself, waking up with nasal canul plastered on your face, IV lines on your hand and feet, blood pressure cuff suffocating your hand, and pulse oxymetry attached to your big toe. Don’t blame a 1 year old me to never give up struggling so hard to pull all of them.

That petite lady in black hugged me tight to put me into comfort and checked the important basic things: my pulse, my CRT and my SpO2 in 1 minute without the nasal canul. She hugged me tight. It felt warm. I realized she examined my whole body in between. She kissed me again and again.

She had a peek on my medical record which was placed on the main table just next to my bed and jot some notes in her book.

Diagnosis: Suspect of Dengue Encephalitis, Meningitis.

She kissed me.
"La haula wala quwwata illa billahil'aliyyul'azim.."

When my doctor came to check on \me, they discussed things about me, my illness, plannings, management, etc and at the end, after reporting my current condition, she politely asked if my nasal canul, oxymetry, and hand cuff not to be set on me all the time. Approved.

She took them off by herself and even she left that one IV line "wire", I was very grateful. I could indulge myself with the toys, with my milk, and into my deep lullaby\ better.

That petite lady in black is my private doctor. My Ummi.

Jazakillahu khoir Ummi. For taking off all the troublesome wires.
For coming back to Malaysia:')

Sunday, 14th of April 2013

I was transferred to normal ward i.e biidznillah, I was fully stabilized. At night, the family from Kedah paid me a visit and Ummi was informed that I used to get a seizure when I was 4 months old. Ummi was actually honestly felt hurt the fact that she wasn't being told anything about it all this while but on the other hand, in knowing that, her mother instinct said that what I was having was not ME or Encephalitis. A little part of her heart breathed in relief.

I was getting better and better howbeit my diarrhea and the side effects of Acyclovir cost me tolls- I had this very severe rashes "back" there. Allah knows how hard it was really like especially that I poo for more than 10 times a day..

Well.. I had more than 6 injections today.. Ummi never cried when her patients were done so (even when she was the one injecting them) but she did so in having me; her own son getting an IV Line. It cut her heart deep. She sobbed while caressing all the injection wounds on my hands and feet.. She made a bandage out of her shawl to secure my IV Line and still, I managed to open them and took out my IV Line..

Ummi.. Fateh minta maaf sebab tak duduk diam marah2, nangis2 setiap kali Ummi bersihkan poopoo Fateh.. Sebab sangat sakit. Pedih sangat2:'(
Fateh minta maaf sebab selalu cabut IV Line.. Fateh tak selesa sangat..

Monday, 15th of April 2013

I had a Lumbar Puncture with a double dose of sedating drugs the fact that I could go against the 1st dose. Post- LP period seemed to be the hardest period not only to me, but also Ummi. I was extremely not comfortable with the non- rebreathing oxygen mask I have to put on with, the oxymetry attached to my left baby toe, IV line on my right hand for dripping purpose and IV line on my right feet. Wires all over my body and I was really, really, really hungry. I couldn't lay down properly of which that was what I supposedly do. I couldn't consume anything yet as a precaution from aspiration.

I struggle a lot, extremely a lot in the hand of my small Ummi.. Ummi's eyes were hot through the day. Hot of being the lake that hold a huge amount of tears. I could see Ummi was quite moody through that tough hours and pity her that it made our family who visit us that day a somewhat upset on her.

Quite a moment later, Mama Hanim came and did a great favor. Physically and mentally. She's "bigger" than Ummi but still felt a lot challenged by me. They tested my swallowing ability with sips of drink. Alhamdulillah, I did great. When the specialist and the other doctors came to check on me, Ummi reported my details in brief and with that, I need no dripping. The IV Line stayed but anyway, one wire down.

I had my milk and sleep. Having me calm down and fully rested, Ummi checked on me. My SpO2, 99- 100%. Pulse, 127 times per minute. I need no oxygen support. Need not to be attached to oxymetry. Two wires down.

Ummi used her stethoscope to check over my lungs. Unlike the previous days, now she heard ronchi. And after confirmed with a doctor, I was nebulized with Salbutamol. I hate that. So did Ummi. I knew it was very hard for Ummi to handle the super- struggling me.. Ummi told me that I have to go back home fast. Hospital is a place for treatment, but also a place with a high tendency to spread infectious disease.Yes Ummi, Fateh memang nak sangat balik rumah cepat..

At night, a doctor brought my LP result. Ummi went through my medical report. CSF clear. Dengue serology test, negative. Liver enzymes, normal. Etc etc etc. Ummi sobbed in tears. But unlike the tears she had in the other nights previously, this time, there was a smile in between. I bet she couldn't wait to had things confirmed from the specialist tomorrow.

To my side, besides all the other stories Ummi told me when we were going to sleep, one of the thing that favor me the most was when Ummi told me that insya Allah, I will have my medications per oral after this i.e no more injections.

Tuesday, 16th of April 2013

The specialist visited me in the morning and had my Phenytoin and Acyclovir stopped. Ceftriaxone IV was changed to Cefotaxim suspension. Like Ummi said, no more injections. Ummi took off all of my IV lines, cleaned me up, made me spent my morning warming up on my bed with short movies and playing with my toys. The sedating effect of the last dose of Phenytoin I had last night slowly bit me farewell.

On the evening, Ummi brought me to the playground, letting me playing, running, and climbing around. Perhaps she enjoyed chasing me all around, perhaps she was really happy, Ummi finally shower me her laughter. It was the first time since the very first day Ummi reached Malaysia that I heard her laughing.. I miss her laughter. It was one of the most beautiful rhythm that accompanied me during my 9 months in her uterus till I was born a year go, till now, and biidznillah, it will always be..

Demi waktu dhuha

 Dan malam apabila ia sunyi-sepi 

Tuhanmu tidak meninggalkanmu, dan Ia tidak benci

 Dan sesungguhnya kesudahan keaadaanmu adalah lebih baik bagimu daripada permulaannya.

 Dan sesungguhnya Tuhanmu akan memberikanmu (kejayaan dan kebahagiaan di dunia dan di akhirat) sehingga engkau redha - berpuas hati.

 Bukankah dia mendapati engkau yatim piatu, lalu la memberikan perlindungan?

 Dan didapatiNya engkau mencari-cari (jalan yang benar), lalu Ia memberikan hidayah petunjuk (dengan wahyu - Al-Quran)? 

 Dan didapatiNya engkau miskin, lalu Ia memberikan kekayaan?

 Oleh itu, adapun anak yatim maka janganlah engkau berlaku kasar terhadapnya

 Adapun orang yang meminta (bantuan pimpinan) maka janganlah engkau tengking herdik

Adapun nikmat Tuhanmu, maka hendaklah engkau sebut sebutkan (dan zahirkan) sebagai bersyukur kepadaNya.

I had a lovely dream- sailing that night. It was the most beautiful night we had amongst the other nights spent during my admission. Cuddling Ummi tight, I realize; I lost about 2 kilos due to this illness, but in return, Allah brought millions kilos of Ummi's love to me:')

Perhaps this is not that something- something to other babies who can cuddle their Ummi everyday.. To me, who can meet my Ummi only once in a blue moon- it's a great blessing. A very beautiful gift from Allah.

Allah.. Fateh bersyukur, happyyyy sangat.
Mesti Ummi pun sangat bersyukur dan sangat happy..
Terima kasih Allah sebab sayang Fateh dan Ummi.. Dan Abi juga. Dan semua juga:')

Wednesday, 17th of April 2013

Biidznillah, I was discharged. Final diagnosis is Complex Febrile Seizure. Still, it requires quite an attention, nonetheless an indeed a great relief it is Not ME. Not Encephalitis.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah..

I pray for Allah to grant everyone who give super precious help, support and dua for me, Ummi, and Abi.. Just so you know, recalling all the efforts in aiding Ummi this and that and reading all the prayers and wishes all of you poured us with had been giving a mountain of strength to us:')

Doakan semoga Fateh dilimpahi hikmah dan keberkatan di dunia dan akhirat dari apa yang berlaku..

Much Love, Fillah. 
Al Fateh.

Apr 5, 2013

For Your Hug

Apa yang antunna impikan waktu di syurga nanti?
Apa yang antunna nak minta bila dah di syurga?


Allah.. Pqa nak Allah peluk Pqa.. Peluk Pqa kuat2.


29th to 31st of March 2013.
It’s Heaven’s Lovers Day.

Day 1:

I had a packed (and blurry) week in this Department of Internal Medicine that I hardly managed to prepare my heart for this event to the fullest. *Yeah.. Right..* The first time we reached Jannatul Firdaus, I was actually disappointed. While everyone was talking about heavens, about the merry- o- lolly celebration, about being the glassy- jelly- eyes fairies- there I was, stuck in a spot of emptiness somewhere I didn’t know where to fill in. Truth, there was no true flowery, highly joyous excitement ever bloom. I did rejoice over the celebration we got by the very welcoming hugs and kisses from the fairies dressed in cream and green. I love akhwat, my akhwat.. Very. I’m happy and grateful. But well, yeah. That’s it. And there, I was drowning in a dirt of envious mud towards my akhwat..


You had sunburn during your rehlah with your ladies. You don’t need to wait for the advertisement of Nivea to say your name to make you know that their whitening product is for you.

You adore (Allahyarham) Syeikh Ahmad Deedat so much that you don’t need to wait till he announced your name in his debate or speech for you to make a collection of his outstanding talks.

That’s it, baby. Yes, Allah is talking to us through his ayat- ayat cinta in Al Quran. Nonetheless no, we won’t consciously or subconsciously think or feel that any of those is for us if we don’t directly or indirectly make ourselves being the one He is talking to.


Dan sesungguhnya Jahannam itu benar-benar tempat yang telah diancamkan kepada mereka (pengikut-pengikut syaitan) semuanya.
Jahannam itu mempunyai tujuh pintu. Tiap-tiap pintu (telah ditetapkan) untuk golongan yang tertentu dari mereka.
 (Al Hijr, 15: 43- 44)

When these ayah were sent down, a tremendous shivering fear clouded the soul of this one guy. He secluded himself for a 3 day uzlah and he was brought to see Rasulullah s.a.w because of that and he asked him why. 

“Wahai Rasulullah, dengan turunnya ayah (Al Hijr: 43 dan 44), demi Allah, serasa putus denyut jantungku.”

"Putus denyut jantungku"

For that, Allah delivered him a precious ayat- ayat cinta;

Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang bertakwa itu berada dalam surga (taman-taman) dan (di dekat) mata air-mata air (yang mengalir).
(Dikatakan kepada mereka): "Masuklah ke dalamnya dengan sejahtera lagi aman”.
(Al Hijr, 15: 45- 46)

(Story was elaborated from the hadith narrated by Tsa’labi)

That guy is Salman Al Farisi. A Persian, reverted to Islam in the midst of his youth. Either it was because of the thoughts that back there, as a kuffar, he had been doing things knocking the border of this Deen or it’s because of the sinful doings done after he’d rise up the syahadah in his life-   he felt as much as worst over himself that the warnings were sent to him.

He made himself fully communicating with Allah and there, Allah responded him back.

You can only be well satisfied with a clean bed only if you really hate dirt. Otherwise you don't matter much about it..

This guy managed to soak himself with Al Quran, to get in touch with Allah that much as he’d been soaking his life to a point that there’s no vacancy for jahiliyyah to dilute his bonding with Allah.

Remember the adventurous and know- no- surrender story of him in the quest for the truth, learning from numbers of teachers and finally was lead to Rasulullah, to Islam. Remember all the battles he had. The respectful idea he gave in the battle of Ahzab tells us that he was amongst those who stayed firm in the battle of 3000 muslimeen against 10 000 kuffar. Highlight there- it’s 1:3 ratio and the weather was at its worst.

Remember the great story of him being very calm upon a girl who rejected his khitbah and she even told that she would say yes in marrying Abud Darda’ who was actually there- on that very same time, being the middle person to convey his khitbah. He made way for Abud Darda' and you know what, he even gave everything he’d prepared for the marriage to him. Talk about the best of itsar ever, really..

All out in every aspect of his life, doesn’t he..? For what?

Because he wants to be the best caliph and abid of Allah. The chosen one.
Because he’s extremely, superbly obsessed with Jannah.

And that time when we gather to talk about our dreams about Jannah, I realize what all the Jundullah was actually, definitely being obsessed about.

They are indeed, deeply obsessed with Allah.

They know what their obsession is- their definite Tummuhat. And it's switched on with a true Iradah Qowiyyah. That's what make them keep on trying, working out, everything which is possible to be the REAL caliph and abid of Allah.

It's a principle already known to many, really- really.
But hard it is, to make it into reality..


I was in a science boarding school for 5 years, then continue to study abroad for another 5 years (and still counting now..), I learned about the heavy longing for the tender hug of Emak. The hug I seek for especially that senses of love, security and bliss of life..

Getting married, I somehow am losing that and it was replaced by the warmth hug of Abg. A hug that provides the same things like what a mother's hug can do, but greater; as there's a sprinkle of passionate love from a husband. Howbeit there, Allah put Abg far distance away from me and I only could see him once in a- 9- month- period every year. No Abg's hug throughout my pregnancy, no Abg's hug when Fateh was born.. Truth, besides all the things faced in this "jalan yang sumpah panjang" and my studious matters- those two are amongst the most critical times I personally believe a wife need her husband the most. Truth, on the other hand- it's the best of times for a woman to get deeply, solely attached with Allah the most..

It's anyhow replaced by the recharging hugs of my guardian angels- my bestfriend, my akhwat. The hug that is tighten by the bonding we had, fillah.. Nevertheless, Allah took them away from me. Having me being somewhat left out here. Away from my husband, my very own zuriat, being the only one who have to extend the period of my medical course of which, there you go girl- makes me the oldest amongst other akhwat here and Allah knows how hard it is to really make yourself a "kakak" despite all the things bear..

A hug- a warm and generous hug; always managed to turn me on. Always managed to make my dying heart alive. Always managed to lit the spirit to keep on moving flame high. Always gives me the warmth needed to wipe my tears out, to erase all the exhaustiveness..

Yet over and over again, Allah takes it away from me when I was so much into it. Again and again and again.. Teaching me to be independent. And to me, I know, because He want me to learn and realize that nothing beats His hug. If what He created managed to serve me such security, love, passionate, care and that quality bliss- imagine how unimaginable greater values the hug of His- The One who created those able to shower me with..The Supremely warmth hug. That will certainly provide everything. EVERYTHING. 

And for that beyond imagination great, warm hug, I must head my way to Jannah for that's the place where I can meet Him, we can meet Him.


Let's start communicating with Allah. Let's set our obsession right and firm. Switch it on with a strong, keep on flaming true desire.

Let's working, keep on working,
and help each other.

  يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ

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