Sep 2, 2017


I know I’m waiting
Waiting for something
Something to happen to me
But this waiting comes with
Trials and challenges
Nothing in life is free
I wish that somehow
You’d tell me out aloud

That on that day I’ll be ok
But we’ll never know cause
That’s not the way it works
Help me find my way

My Lord show me right from wrong
Give me light make me strong
I know the road is long
Make me strong
Sometimes it just gets too much
I feel that I’ve lost touch

I know the road is long
Make me strong

I know I’m waiting
Yearning for something
Something known only to me
This waiting comes with
Trials and challenges
Life is one mystery
I wish that somehow
You’d tell me out aloud
That on that day you’ll forgive me
But we’ll never know cause
That’s not the way it works
I beg for your mercy

My Lord show me right from wrong
Give me light make me strong
I know the road is long
Make me strong
Sometimes it just gets too much
I feel that I’ve lost touch
I know the road is long
Make me strong

"I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me.
If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself;
and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it.
If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length.
And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed."
(Sahih Bukhari)

Nov 21, 2013


Dan bacakanlah (wahai Muhammad) di dalam kitab Al Quran ini perihal Maryam, ketika dia memencilkan diri dari keluarganya di sebuah tempat sebelah timur.

Kemudian Maryam membuat dinding untuk melindungi dirinya dari mereka maka Kami hantarkan kepadanya Ruh dari Kami lalu ia menyamar diri kepadanya sebagai seorang lelaki yang sempurna bentuk kejadiannya.

Maryam berkata: Sesungguhnya aku berlindung kepada (Allah) Ar Rahman daripadamu, kalaulah engkau seorang yang bertaqwa.

(Maryam, 19: 16- 18)

Maryam, a girl known well, very well, not only to almost every soul in this dunnya, but far across the arasy'. A woman, so precious she is that a surah is named after her and her story is being told over and over again in many other surah in the Quran. A woman, so noble not only with that golden blood running in her veins, but also for the fact that she's positioned in the very same line among the woman promised for a an absolute secured guarantee for a place in Jannah, and indeed, a special place to Allah.

So famous she is whilst ironically, for the truth- she's a woman most covered,
best well- kept secret ever.

Such a clean girl. No dirt.



"ketika dia memencilkan diri dari keluarganya"

She was born from the fruits of hope, promise, and prayer beyond for the sake of the continuation of the zurriyyat- greater it is, for the sake of the Deen, for Allah. She was placed away, far, far away from the hectic and chaos of dunnya and she, herself was being honest with it. She pulled herself away from those either. There's no such thing that she had herself stood for rebel or anything as such upon what was being decided by her mother and by her uncle Nabi Zakaria. She was placed far, far from the superficial guardian of hers.

What do we, the ladies do when we are away from our family? From our guardian? How do we behave? How do we dress ourselves as? How do we socialize?

Let Maryam teaches us..

"Maryam membuat dinding untuk melindungi dirinya dari mereka"

Literally, it was a place she hides in, giving her shades and protection. Nabi Zakaria built her a small house for her to live her life, for her to perform her 'ibadah.

Nonetheless, highlight there- the statement saying Maryam builds a wall while we know from the story, his uncle Nabi Zakaria who won the voting upon being her guardian was the one who built the house for her. Could it mean a young girl like her helping out, lifting up bricks assisting the construction of the house for her to live in?

It's more than just those building we can vividly think of, really.. It's the wall, a barrier Maryam created on her own, to protect herself from "them". Talk about those that often drag us, the ladies from where we are supposed to stand still at; alluring fashionable clothes, dresses, jeweleries, high heels..

"maka Kami hantarkan kepadanya Ruh dari Kami lalu ia menyamar diri kepadanya sebagai seorang lelaki yang sempurna bentuk kejadiannya."

And yes, another thing a girl is undeniably often being tested with- guys (hot guys, to be exact..). 

We should admit this, don't we? The guys we secretly admire of, guys we saw or met even for a few minutes but already have their faces and figures floating in our mind, guys that give us heavy hot blush and heart thump, guys we shout out loud for, guys we spend some or a lot of time with and of whom crowding our heart and soul, leaving only a little space for Allah to conquer our thoughts, our 'ibadah, our life..

Guys who make ladies fall and even give everything with no solid and Allah- permitted reasons.. Guys who make ladies; the non hijabis, hijabis, and even niqabis to have their dignity and shame directly or indirectly melts away, blurring or even go against the principle of pure ikhtilat..

So Maryam, tell us more. More. What kind of building it is? What kind of wall you made to protect yourself?

"Maryam berkata: Sesungguhnya aku berlindung kepada (Allah) Ar-Rahman daripada (gangguan) mu kalaulah engkau seorang yang bertaqwa."

Her wall is made of avoidance. An escaped of avoidance.
It's made of the strong virtue of Iman, filled with the strong feeling of awareness and fear.

"Sesungguhnya aku berlindung kepada (Allah) Ar Rahman.."

She's aware of her condition. Being a woman, which is logically weaker than a man. She's alone in her place. No doubt she's in fear. Fear to what can possibly done by a man towards a woman. And defenitely it is- fear to Allah. She aware of her status- a muslim woman. She made her effort anyhow. Big effort- hiding and at that moment, taking not even a single step or try to approach the guy. Not opening even a little inch of opportunity for him to get her. None. As for that, she then surrendered. No, not to the guy. Not to that handsome, perfect guy in front of her. To Allah. And she have a strong faith to the Most Loving Allah.

"..daripadamu kalaulah engkau seorang yang bertaqwa."

And she has faith to the guy too. To the pious, devoted guy- if that's who he is. 

There, Maryam does tell us a simple, basic criteria of "seorang yang bertaqwa". No such nonsense of aku mendambakan lelaki yang boleh menjadi imam etc, etc, etc.. At times, we don't have to wish or seeking so much for the pious man where it's enough for us to be able to spot them.

And you see, there's a possibility for a "good man" to somehow be anywhere around a girl, around girls, but strictly it is- no such thing that can pollute the atmosphere of taqwa. He will do nothing, as in n.o.t.h.i.n.g; in term of no whatever- whatsoever, small- the- matter and no- purpose talks or actions. If there's any, it's going to be significantly important, and it's fillah. 


"Allah melihat ke dalam hati para hambaNya. Dan didapatiNya hati Muhammad s.a.w adalah yang paling putih. Maka Allah memilih Nabi dan utusan yang membawa risalah penutupNya. Lalu Allah melihat lagi ke dalam hati para hambaNya, maka didapatiNya hati sahabat- sahabat Muhammad adalah yang paling jernih. Maka Dia pun menjadikan mereka sahabat yang mendukung dan menolongnya dalam menegakkan risalah."
(Abdullah ibn Mas'ud)

kita jaga diri k.

Putih, jernihkan diri kita, Allah akan atur kita untuk bersama dengan orang2 yang putih, jernih juga. Bersama hidup untukNya, bersama tsabat di jalanNya. Bersama di syurga.

Akh Ammar died at a young age, as a syahidullah, biidznillah.
No girls living in this dunnya deserves him, perhaps.
And Maryam, a virgin who was made pregnant, biidznillah, without a husband.
No guys living in this dunnya deserves her, perhaps..
-al fatihah-

Mar 3, 2013

Mr Caliph, where are you?

Dikisahkan ada seorang Khawarij yang datang menemui Ali bin Abi Thalib lalu berkata:

“Wahai khalifah Ali, mengapa pemerintahanmu banyak dikritik oleh orang tidak sebagaimana pemerintahannya Abu Bakar dan Umar?”

Saidina Ali Menjawab:

“Kerana pada zaman Abu Bakar dan Umar yang menjadi rakyat adalah aku dan orang-orang yang sepertiku, sedangkan rakyatku adalah kamu dan orang-orang yang seumpamamu.”

(Syarh Riyadhus Sholihin, 3/43, oleh Ibnu Utsaimin).



His name is Sultan Abdul Hamid. Two thrones gap before Sultan Abdul Majid. By 31st of August, 1876, he anchored the ruling of that time, as the caliph; in the midst of an extreme atmosphere- bitter taste cocktail of internal and external sidekicks, wars, and dirty agendas of the enemy of Islam to be exact.

He was hated and attacked much by the whole enemy of Islam- of which at that moment, they all united to bring him down, to bring Islam down.

"Ya Tuhanku aku mengetahui Engkau Yang Maha Esa dan tiada lain melainkan Engkau Yang Maha Esa,
Engkaulah Yang Maha Esa dan tiada yang lain
Ya Tuhanku pimpinlah aku dalam masa kepayahan ini
Ya Tuhanku, tolonglah aku dalam masa yang genting ini."
(Sultan Abdul Hamid, the caliph 1876- 1909) 

In 1897, after the 1st Zionist conference in Switzerland, of which they decided to make Palestine as the legal country of Israel (err...?) Sultan Abdul Hamid announced that the Jews were forbidden to come and stay in Palestine for more than 3 months. This was done within 1900.

The next year, two Jews leader came to negotiate with him, for him to allow the Jews to visit Palestine anytime and stay there as long as they wish to. They also requested for the Jews to be able to make a residential near to Al Quds. As an exchange, he was offered with the promises that they would help to settle total of 23 British gold pound debt of the empire of Uthmaniyyah, spending 230 million French gold to empower Uthmaniyyah's navy army to protect the caliph, and lending 35 million lira gold without interest to help improving the empire of Uthmaniyyah and to build Uthmaniyyah university in the holy land.

Well.. Despite all those alluring offers, Sultan Abdul Hamid firmly refused.

"Katakan kepada Yahudi biadap itu, hutang negara Uthmaniyyah bukan sesuatu yang memalukan. Perancis mempunyai hutang dan itu tidak menjejaskannya. Al Quds sebahagian daripada tanah Islam semasa Umar bin Al Khattab menakluk bandar itu dan aku tidak akan mencatat sejarah yang memalukan dengan menjual tanah suci kepada Yahudi dan mengkhianati tanggungjawab dan kepercayaan rakyat. Yahudi boleh simpan wang mereka. Pemerintah Uthmaniyyah tidak akan berlindung di dalam istana yang dibuat dengan wang musuh- musuh Islam."

A year later, Theodor Hertzl; the leader of Zionism drive sent a delegation to buy Palestine from Sultan Abdul Hamid. Yes. Buying a country honey.. 150 million pounds sterling for the land of Palestine. They indeed rich, aren't they?

Again though, a big NO- NO from Sultan Abdul Hamid.

"Aku tidak akan melepaskan walaupun segenggam tanah ini kerana ianya bukan milikku, ianya hak Ummat Islam. Ummat Islam telah berjihad demi kepentingan tanah ini dan mereka telah menyiraminya dengan darah mereka. Yahudi boleh simpan wang dan harta mereka. Jika Daulah Islamiah dimusnahkan ada suatu hari, maka mereka boleh mengambil Palestin tanpa membayar harganya. Tetapi sementara aku masih hidup, aku lebih rela menusuk pedang ke tubuhku daripada melihat tanah Palestin dikhianati dan dipisahkan daripada daulah Islamiah. Ianya adalah sesuatu yang tidak akan berlaku, aku tidak akan memulakan pemisahan tubuh kami selagi kami masih hidup."

Negotiations failed. So they moved on with actions. Cheating, pretending, pushing, pressuring. Using the media to turn reality sidewise. Most prominent were the Biritish's fundamental of "Divide and Rule" along with the rose of Ittihat we Terrakki, lead by Mustafa Kamal At Tartuk. They managed to plant and made the spirit of nationalism grow- replacing the spirit of Deen.

So long when once upon the time, the Ummah would rise the flag of Lailahaillallah be it in Turkey, land of Arab, Spain, others.  We used to rule 2/3 of the world and only one flag was flown high. Forgetting slowly, aren't we? Now that it's the rise of the nation's spirit. That bonding was cut. Gently.

Sultan Abdul Hamid lost his throne as the caliph on 27th of April 1909. Mustafa Kamal At Tartuk on the other hand, who was appointed as the commander of the 19th brigade at Sinaq Qal'ah, managed to champion the hearts and gained supports of the people through the victorious, never- been- defeated battles they had against the British. He leveled up as a general in 1916.

Turkey made a deal with Britain in 21st of November 1922. It was the year where Sultan Abdul Majid received the responsible as the caliph- the Imam of the Ummah, after Sultan Muhammad V and VI. The Curzon's deal must be accepted for British army to leave Turkey. Mustafa Kamal At Tartuk signed the agreement on 24th of July 1923. It was toughly fought and debated by the Turkish Nasional Assembly and they did their best to maintain the caliphate's. More and more back up and supports given to Mustafa Kamal At Tartuk from the enemy of Islam means more and more pressures to the Muslimsme a threat of being killed or hanged as an exchange. Over time, the built to fight against the efforts to destroy the caliphate system turned into a fragile jelly.

Dan tepat pada pagi hari tanggal 03 Maret 1924, Majelis Nasional mengumumkan telah menyetujui penghapusan khilafah dan pemisahan agama dari urusan-urusan negara. Malamnya, Khalifah Abdul Majid II diusir dari rumah kediamannya atas perintah Mustafa Kemal. Khalifah dipaksa masuk mobil dan dibawa melintasi perbatasan negara menuju Swiss. Kemudian diturunkan dengan dibekali satu kopor berisi beberapa potong pakaian dan sejumlah uang. - See more at:
On the gloomy morning of 3nd of March 1924, Turkish National Assembly announced the agreement upon the abolishment of the caliphate system and the segregation of Islam from the ruling matters.

On the historical night of 3rd of March 1924, with the order from Mustafa Kamal At Tartuk, Sultan Abdul Majid was being outcasted from the caliphate's residency.

"We must put an end to anything which brings about any Islamic unity between the Muslims. The situation now is that Turkey is dead and will never rise again, because we have destroyed its spiritual strength; the Caliphate and Islam."
(British Foreign Minister, Lord Curzon, 1924)


They were the last caliphs of the Ummah- so far.
No, they weren't holding the throne whilst this land was layered with sands and camels.
No, they weren't holding the throne whilst letters were delivered by pigeons.

The caliphate system went out through the years where there were cars televisions, radio, etc- just like what we have today, except that those are the old- school ones.

Telling this, so the picture of the caliphate era we have won't limit in those Arabic dressing, walking or visiting around on the camel or horse, and the enemy restricted to those Roman or Parsi kind of type. We have caliphs ruling from that typical atmosphere we all been capturing; where Rasulullah s.a.w first made it existed by 623 up till 1924. 

To unite us all
Now for a moment, let's count and reminisce those years we have the caliphate system going on, the years we have Islam being the red cherry on top of the creamy cupcake, the years we have the central vehicle through which the Shariah is implemented, the years we have that magic pen which allows the ink to flow and write smoothly the life lived according to Al Quran and Sunnah, the years where the Muslims are splendidly lead, cared, and protected and the nons' are properly being ruled and honored.

 “The Imam is a sheild from the back of which the muslims fight and protect themselves” 
(HR Muslim)

 We miss "him", we need "him",very much.. Don't we?


It's the 89th anniversary of the fall of the caliphate system. I'm sharing this, not for us to merely mourn, howbeit for us to recall our own history, learn something, and do something. Together.

They united altogether to fight against Rasulullah s.a.w about 1400 years ago.
They united altogether to fight against the Khulafa' Ar Rasyidin, having all of them murdered.
They united altogether to fight against Sallahuddin Al Ayyubi about 800 years ago in the battle of Hittin.
They united altogether to fight against Sultan Muhammad Al Fateh about 500 years ago when he was conquering Constantinople.
They united altogether about 100 years ago till their plan to abolish our caliph success.

They dream. They make effort. They never give up. For years. Thousands of years.


To dream, to try, and to never give up on doing what is best for this Ummah, for this Deen, for Allah. 

Our dream for such is fundamentally greater as it's on the basis of Sunnatullah.
So dream.

"Dan orang- orang yang berusaha dengan bersungguh- sungguh kerana memenuhi kehendak ugama Kami, sesungguhnya Kami akan memimpin mereka ke jalan- jalan Kami.."
(Al Ankabut: 69)

Our efforts for such is basically stronger as it's with the aid of The Best to help, Allah.
So let's doing it to the fullest.

And our bonding altogether will make greater unity as it's tied Fillah.
So let's unite.

No. It's not "Mr. Caliph, where are you?"


"Mr. Caliph, here we are. Working for the rise of you. Preparing to obey you, after Allah and Rasulullah."


We are the blocks, building a great built. No matter which part of the built we are being placed at; on the floor, the wall, the rooftop- the thing is about being the best and the strongest blocks to stand the built up.

Jom. Bekerja.

Jotting this brings much of the memories when I have my "Ini Sungguh Kool" almost 2 years ago..
Ya muqallib al-qulub, thabbit qalbi 'ala dinik.

Oct 16, 2012

He who gives life and take life.

It was my 1st week in Pediatric Department at RSUD Banyumas (main district's hospital), my first night shift. Fresh. I have this 2 months old baby coming with tachypnea, intercostal retraction, nasal flare, stridor and I was told that he often choke while being breastfeed. He had no fever, yet (thanks to my WHO pocket book) I was sure this baby was having pneumonia. After calling Dr. Tien to confirm the managements, I rushed to nebulize the baby. He had his nasal canule and nasogastric tube inserted but the whole night, till the next morning, I could hear him crying. The baby- Putra (not a real name) able not to sleep.

Next day, he got fever too. After being checked by the specialist, I discovered that my dear baby patient also have laryngomalacia. Pity Putra... Born with laryngomalacia and now having pneumonia.. For laryngomalacia, the management is for the caregivers to find in what position does the baby look most comfortable in. Insya Allah, his laryngeal problem will improve within 6 months.

A week later, there I have my Putra giggling. He laughed when I tickle him while doing a check up. And I have that baby- talking moments I always love, miss and want to have.. It was wonderful to see him sleeping soundly at night.. His pneumonia was recovered. He was now adapted to his laryngomalacia.

Alhamdulillah.. Time for Putra to go home:')

He was the very first patient I handle almost from A to Z. His parents first lend him into my hand in such a terrible condition, hardly breathing and biidznillah, i now lend him to his parents, cured.. It's either I was touched because of such or I was too fragile as he reminds me of Fateh- I bursted into an ocean of tears to bit him farewell.. Doctors should be happy when patients can go back home, aren't we..?

Take care Putra dear..


14th of October 2012. It was my night shift.. Around 6pm, after I had my dinner, I was told that 3 patients had just being admitted. The nurse told me that two cases were diarrhea with vomiting and another one was anemia. I first went checked the baby girl who was the nearest for me to reach and she looks very weak. While examining, I took a glance to another new baby girl patient of the same diagnosis. She looks well hydrated and quite fine so I head to the anemia patient.

Feri (not a real name). He was the boy who was admitted about 2 weeks ago, diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Discharged last week, referred to RS Sardjito (a center hospital, located in Jogja) but the parents haven't brought him there yet.

Visually checked: Somnolent. Nasal flare and deep costal retraction. Orbital edema, bleeding lips, and gums too- as I could see his left cheek swollen. Distended abdomen. These indicate internal hemorrhage. Emergency.

Physically checked: Cold extremities, tachypneu, tachycardia. This boy was in hypovolemic shock state.

Internal hemorrhage + Hypovolemic shock = Super emergency.

I quickly told the nurses that we have to resuscitate Feri fast. 2 or 3 IV lines needed, best if we have 3-way IV line.

"Mbak Fiqa ini bernafsu bangat.."

I felt quite hurt. Yes. I'm extremely "bernafsu". Tell me, how could I be not "passionate" over a shock patient..?

They asked me to consult this to the residents first. I called our doctors, no answer. I called the laboratory to ask for his blood routine result. His result was not ready yet.. 

"Ini CITO ya."

Urgent. I clearly remember the hypovolemic shock patient I had with Dr. Titi days ago. I rushed to Feri, set that 1 IV line already infused to 20cc/kg body weight as fast as possible. I made a strong push. Pressing that Ringer Lactate hard and fast with one hand, and another hand tried calling Dr. Titi.

I finally able to call Dr. Titi. Yesss, shock resuscitation. I told the nurses and we ran over to that desperate boy.. Feri's mother told us that Feri previously asked to poo. No. Not this time, honey.. Whilst trying to infuse him another IV line, Feri's breathing dropped into apneustic state. His mother shouted. My heart shaken.

We rushed  him to the action room and that time, Feri was in an apneustic state. A huge, very huge number of his family members followed, observing from the outside together with the families of other patients.

How I wish they could go elsewhere..

Inside the room, his pulse was no longer palpable. I checked with stethoscope. Silent. I passed that RL pushing part to another nurse, and asked the other nurse to help me performing CPR. Feri was 13 years old, and even the cancer had taken a lot of his weight away, he has quite a tough body built. The small me climbed on the bed to gave a maximal compressions.

No improvement. No volunteer breathing at all. No pulse. I checked his pupils with penlight. Mydriasis.

"Lahaulawala quwwata illa billahil 'aliyyul 'azim.."
"Allah.. Tolong.. Ajar Pqa kena buat apa.."
"Feri.. Kuat! Kuat!"

Epinephrine bolus. CPR repeated.
No improvement. No pulse.
I checked his pupils again. Doll eye phenomenon.

Allah knows what I have in my heart. I stood still. Looked at the two nurses.
One of them finally whispered, but enough for everyone in that action room to hear;

"Sudah tiada.."

At once, the shout of cry exploding out loud. Very loud. Extremely loud.
Being that "doctor of the day"- it feels like the whole world was on my shoulder.

Ain came over. Allah knows how much I felt like hugging and crying on her shoulder.. But no, I couldn't. I hold my tears back, I swallowed my pathetic gulps and disappointment.

I looked at my watch. It was exactly 6.30pm. In less than 30 minutes, I lost a soul.. I called Dr Titi.

"Dokter, Fiqa ga bisa.. Feri plus."
"Ya.. Sudah Fiqa.. Fiqa sudah coba yang terbaik.."
"Nanti Fiqa terangkan kepada keluarganya.. ya.."

I called the laboratory. 

"Hemoglobin 5.56g/dL."
"Thrombocyte 2 x 10^3/mL."
"etc etc etc.."

Allah.. This boy was in an indeed terribly severe state..
May Allah place you amongst those of righteous, amiin..

I went out to find his parents. They were crying badly.. I went out to seek for his other family members and Feri's uncle volunteered to have things explained.. My heart soaked in tears. My eyes felt very warmth. No tears please. No. I explained things up, apologized and thanked his uncle with a plain smile. A smile as a closing curtain of a death news. Bravo Taufiqah. Bravo. So professional, eh..?

I went to take wudhu' and performed my solah. There, I bursted into tears. Great tears. It was great to finally able to cry. Great, indeed.

It's only to Allah I could let myself in..

I got another 3 new patients admitted that night. Diarrhea with a non- severe dehydration, seizure, and meningeal encephalopathy. No time to have that so- called proper mourning session over the death occurred just now. No space for tears or sour plum face.  After checking, stabilized, prescribed what were necessaries for them, and made notes of all 13 patients in that ward for the references of my friends whose having their shift tomorrow, I finally slept at about 2 am plus. With a tired body, tired heart. Pale heart.

"Allah.. Peluk piqa kuat2.."


It's easy for Allah to give life.
It's easy for Allah to take life.

The Great Almighty, ALLAH.

Dec 20, 2011

"Bab akhlaq je pun~" Eh??

"..tentang akhlaq je..."


I've heard such statements (or anything similar to it) numbers of times, which got me thinking, is it akhlaq is something so simple?

 إنما بعثت لأتم صالح الاخلق 
"I am sent to accomplish the pious moral."

”Sesungguhnya aku diutus untuk menyempurnakan akhlak yang sholeh”.
(Rasulullah s.a.w)
(HR. Bukhari; shahih Bukhari kitab adab, Baihaqi; kitab syu’bil Iman & Hakim).

وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ إِلَّا رَحْمَةً لِّلْعَالَمِينَ 
"We sent thee not (Muhammad), but as a mercy for all creatures."

“Dan tiadalah Kami mengutus kamu Muhammad, 
melainkan untuk (menjadi) rahmat bagi semesta alam”.
(Al-Anbiya’: 107)


A brief conclusion from the two great quotes above would be the fact that good akhlaq brings rahmat; mercy, grace, bless..

Mixing up with variety kind of people, of different background, different faith, different perspective of life, there is this one thing I realized most people would really honour for:


Or you can pronounce it as morality, virtue, manners..

Akhlaq, like "Aqidah", of which many would see it as "something so basic" and tend to consciously or subconsciously forget its significances, hence always missed out to highlight and pay a proper attention to..

Aqidah and akhlaq are both the basic in Islam. Whilst basic refers to foundation.. Imagine a building without a foundation. We are busy making the building higher and higher, busy to beautify the building, busy to fill in the building, but seem to put aside the strength of its foundation. What happen to the building? Easily blown by wind, easily crashed by wave..

Some of us directly or indirectly make religious as a guideline to practice good manners, be it the muslims or non- muslims. Some of us are grown that way; due to the way how they are being raised, or the surrounding. Some of us are indeed born with such beautiful heart and mind, producing beautiful characteristics.

 "Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammad s.a.w), you have a good example to follow for him who hopes in (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much."

 “Sesungguhnya telah ada pada (diri) Rasulullah itu suri tauladan yang baik bagimu (iaitu) bagi orang yang mengharap (rahmat) Allah dan (kedatangan) hari kiamat dan Dia banyak menyebut Allah”.

(Al Ahzab, 21)

Abu Bakar r.a admitted the syahadah through Rasulullah s.a.w, his bestfriend. That time, there's not much glorious stories of Islam Rasulullah told or could tell him. Not much history of legendary and great wars to amaze and convince him about the truth of Islam like what we have today through the flaming, soul- awakening stories of the battle of Badr or Battle of Khandaq, the victorious stories of Sahaba, etc..

He's entittled as "As Siddiq",  one who always justify what is said by Rasulullah.. He's not being so towards Rasulullah simply, plainly because they are bestfriend. He knows he does the right thing the fact that he recognize what kind of person Rasulullah really is. His descendant, his livehood, and yes indeed, his akhlaq.. And it was his faith to Allah and Rasulullah that pulled him into the confidence to live and work his life for Islam. It was from that which lead to his openness and readiness to sacrifice for Islam. For Allah.
Mus'ab, the first ambassador in Islam might not win the heart of Muhajirin and Ansar only through his fluency in talking or his handsome and charming look. To especially born and raised in a noble and rich family, he's known for his praiseworthy manners, akhlaq..

Look back at those days under the ruling of Rasulullah and the Caliphs.. The empire of Islam was filled with rahmat due to beautiful akhlaq of the people. The muslims and non- muslims able to live together peacefully..
Aisyah r.a once asked Rasulullah s.a.w about one non- muslim man they know named Ibn Jaddan,

"O the beloved of Allah, Ibn Jaddan always create the bonding of fraternity, feed the poor, being kind to neighbors and good in serving his guests. Don't those good deeds bring rewards (pahala)?

Rasulullah s.a.w said,

"O Aisyah, he had never pray for Allah to forgive his sins in the hereafter."

(HR Muslim, Ibnu Hibban, Hakim and Ahmad)

We may have better and deeper understanding about Islam than others. We may realize more about our purpose of living and our responsible. Nevertheless, that doesn't guarantee us that we truly have better manners than others..

"Amal ma'ruf and nahi mungkar"  and being a better person are two different things. One doesn't have to be perfect till he or she can advice and ask others for good. Yet being good alone is not enough. Imagine living in a house as a truly good person whilst outside, crimes are floating around here and there. Comfortable enough..? These two things are separated, howbeit have to come together..

Let's improve our manners. Together we polish our akhlaq. Insya Allah, Allah will open the door of Rahmat wider for us. Amin Amin Amin..

We are the slave of Allah. We are the muslims (mukmin, insya Allah). We are the ummah of Muhammad.

Ummat Muhammad boleh~

Oct 9, 2011

A Radiant Building

"Andai Islam seperti sebuah bangunan usang yang hampir roboh,maka akan aku berjalan ke seluruh dunia mencari jiwa-jiwa muda. Aku tidak ingin mengutip dengan ramai bilangan mereka, tapi aku inginkan hati-hati yang ikhlas untuk membantuku dan bersama membina kembali bangunan yang usang itu menjadi sebuah bangunan yang tersergam indah" 
-Imam As-Syahid Hassan Al-Banna-

"If Islam is the old building which is about to fall down, then I will walk all over the world searching for the young souls. I won't be gathering them by their huge numbers, but I want sincere hearts to help me and together rebuild the old falling building becoming a building of a radiant beauty." 
 -Imam al-Shahid Hasan al-Banna-

No need to take huge topic to talk about; Israel- Palestine issue, Hudud issue, the Cavalry Church issue, etc etc etc..

And we don't have to go out to see how much we, ourselves had been pulling out the block of our precious building, making it brittle more and more.. Just open our laptop, and there's no need to google or find this and that website to see thing contributing to the crumbly effect towards Islam- just check our facebook. Frankly speaking, no need to search for non muslim pages. Just check on our friendlist.. Boys and girls of no limit in socializing- which is a great norm these days.. Dressing out of modesty according to Syara'.. And proudly exposing those..


The hidayah of Allah is a tremendously great treasure of which it won't reach us by us only waiting and expecting it to reach us by chance. Come, switch the button on. Grab the call. Open our heart, devote ourselves to Him, keep letting Him know how much we admit to our syahadah, to Him.. The more we ignore His call, the more He'll forget us.. Nauzubillah..

Lets improve ourselves towards a blessed betterment, and improve our religion.

Together. Rebuild the ummah. The strong, great ummah of Rasulullah s.a.w. Make this precious religion of Allah becoming an indeed beautiful radiant building.
Ummat Muhammad boleh~

May 8, 2011

Emak Saya dan Saya

When I was 5, I wanted to be 9..
To join in the so- called cool friends playing outdoors..
When I was 9, I wanted to be 13..
To get in the so- called grown up secondary school..
When I was 13, I wanted to be 17..
To feel the tremendously famous sweet 17 life..
When I was 17, I wanted to be 24..
That's the age I planned to get married since I was kindergarten..

Now I'm 23..
I wish I can be younger..

To have Emak waking me up in the morning.. Asking me to perform my fajr prayer.. And even bathing me..
Preparing Nasi Lemak, karipap, or kuih Koci for breakfast..
Serving donut, cakes, or at least keropok for tea time..
Indulging us with finger- licking good lunch and dinner..
To have two types of mee goreng or nasi goreng: either satu pedas, satu kurang pedas.. Or satu ada seafood and belacan, satu tak ada seafood and belacan.. So much for having a dozen of kids with some of them having allergic on certain things.. And yes, fussy on certain things..

To have Emak telling me stories, and hear me talking like a chatterbox, non stop pouring things out..
To have Emak sewing our baju raya and even beautiful flowery and lacey pyjamas..
To have Emak teaching me how to cook this and that lauk, how to bake this and that cakes and kuih muih..
To have Emak making biskut raya and let me be the 2nd chef..

Too much to list all......

Mak.. Pqa sedih dulu2 pqa dapat baju "tak berapa cantik" sebab (kena) beralah dengan Kak Nun, Kak Nah, and even Baby and Darling.. Tapi pqa lagi sedih teringat previously, bila pqa dapat pilih sendiri baju, pqa tak pilih yang "proper".. Proper for a muslim girl.. Dah buat mak lagi sedih.. Pqa minta maaf sangat:'(

Mak.. Pqa sedih bila mak dan semua somehow push pqa on things.. Tapi pqa lagi sedih bila sedar pqa degil atas benda yang tak sepatutnya.. Dah buat mak lagi sedih.. Pqa minta maaf sangat:'(

Now I'm 23..
I wish I can be younger..
But I want time to move the way it indeed is should.. So I can continue improving myself and grabbing all the chances to please my dear Emak.. Make you happy.. Make you proud..

And for I want to be a mother too..
And do all those beautiful things you've done as one.
To be a wonderful mother- Like you.

Mak adalah emak yang paaaaaaling best di dunia~

Pqa sayang Mak..
Saaaaaaayang sangat2..

*Happy Mother's Day*
"Dan Kami perintahkan kepada manusia (berbuat baik) kepada dua orang ibu bapanya;ibunya telah mengandungnya dalam keadaan lemah yang bertambah- tambah, dan menyapihnya dalam dua tahun. BERSYUKURLAH KEPADAKU DAN KEPADA KEDUA ORANG IBU BAPAMU, HANYA KEPADAKULAH KEMBALIMU." (Al-Luqman, 14)

Apr 22, 2011

Doctor for Doctor

Selsema, demam, batuk, sakit kepala..

Yesterday was a wonderful day to me, eventhough I was terribly sick.

Morning routine, operations time~ I got myself involved fully in 3 surgeries and being an observer in several others. 2 of those were pediatric cases; Hernia and Axillary tumor. My hands were pretty numb as I've been doing face- mask and bagging for both of the operations. A little exhausting. Nevertheless, we had new residents (senior doctors who's in practical to be a specialist) for surgery that day. Like usual, all of them are male doctors, but this time, more mature. They love teasing on things, but the good part is, they do teach me so so many things and talk a lot of which creating a less stressful condition..

On the evening, I went to the Emergency Unit and have the doctor there checked me up. I sat in front of the doctor, say nothing, looking at him dengan muka kesian..

"Fiqa, kenapa?"
"Tolong periksa.. Sakit.."

He laughed.
He smiled all the time he checked me up.
One of the surgery resident was also there. Quite embarrassed.
He called up my name, and all I could do was smile weakly and waved at him.
Rasa sangat lembik.. Malu.....

I had my throat being checked, my temperature, etc.. All the things I, myself did to other patients except that he could prescribed me medications of which I still can't as that's not my competencies yet..

At night, Nani asked me what do I want to eat for dinner, I couldn't name any. No appetite for anything. Adeline told me that I should eat anything I feel like eating, they'll try to get it. I simply said Pizza, of which it's actually pretty hard as we don't have transport to go around here and we are so new to this placeT_T Suddenly Joshlyn and Kak Wan Nab came and handed us strawberry juice and Pizza. Smoke Chicken BBQ~ Terima kasih Ya Allah~ Nani went back a while later, bringing back isotonic drink, chicken satay and fried mushroom. Semangat makan. Sedap. Orang belanja pulak tu.. Alhamdulillah:')

No operations on Friday. Besides consuming lots of drugs, I did have lots of sleep. Ish.. Did homework with Adeline and Bowo, and went to do pre operation visits by 2pm to 4.430pm. I didn't join the cito (on call for emergency operation) going on right now.. Went back to get myself refreshed. Will go to Emergency Unit after this.

I've just read one letter posted by a husband to a doctor about HO in Malaysia. It freaks and upsets me especially that I'm now sick..

It's not a new thing actually.. We are all well informed about it as I've been hearing the same thing since years, years, years ago.. Tsk.

Here, I don't sense things I've been hearing a lot in Malaysia, at least that's what I've been experiencing so far.. Alhamdulillah, the hospital I'm placed now is such a bless from Allah. The doctors, even the specialists are very nice. They guide and teach us things in ways I feel my self very much comfortable with. Even the nurses, with 25 years of experience are also truly wonderful and humble. Besides teaching me things (the experienced nurses also help the residents, and I never see them teaching them in such arrogant manner..), they even love to share me tips on gaining more weight and about marriage.. Ho Ho.

We doctors are human too, don't we? We do need "doctors" for ourselves, no matter in what aspect.. Setiap dari sifat Allah tu ada sikit (sikit sangat2) pada setiap hambanya.. Salah satu kan adalah sifat Allah yang Maha Penyembuh.. A tiny little part of that is within us, within you, within me. Respect, love, and try our best to understand each other..

Insya Allah..

Apr 12, 2011

A Caliph to A Caliph

Waking up as early as 3.30am, meeting Him, revising things, getting ready, take small breakfast, prepare some meal as my lunch in a tupperware, then make myself presents in the Anesthesiology department at 6.30am.. Went back home at 4pm..
At night, revising things, and sleep around 10pm..
And the cycle goes..

By this Thursday, besides the usual 6.30am to 4pm (certain days would be 2pm) schedule, there'll be On Callsss, i.e staying in my department by 2pm to 7am on my scheduled duty..


I was quite upset to see Hanim went to our Liqa' yesterday with Alia and Ruhi.. I miss our usrah.. I especially miss Hanim, Tika, and adik2 usrah yang menyejukkan mata memandang.. Tika is also in the 1st wave, but she's in a different group, hence different department.. Being away from these two ladies I feel my heart and my soul are so much attached with is honestly harder than I ever thought it'll ever be:'( Ada hikmah Allah "pisahkan" Pqa dengan Hanim dan Tika.. I believe Hanim will do great in her remedial. Will definitely see her in the next 2 months, Insya Allah! Praying for the rest of my other housemates either.. Allahumma amin..

I was quite upset that I hardly can perform religious routine I usually do.. No more tahajjud the way I love to have.. I cry of pitying myself able not to present myself as whole to Him instead of the usual long story- telling and sobbing cry with Him.. I miss those moments.. I miss talking a lot to Him.. Telling Him all that I feel. All that I want to share. I always have stories to pour out to. Anything. Everything....

Is it true, 24 hours is enough for a day...?
Is being a doctor is wrong as I seem to able not to fully devote myself to Him...?


There's a story about Caliph Umar bin Abdul Aziz, the great leader entitled as the 5th Khulafa' Ar Rasyidin which is famously known upon his righteousness.
Story about a responsible and time..

At that time, the caliph was just laying down to take a rest after the death ceremony of the former caliph, Sulaiman bin Malik. Just as he laid himself down, a 17 year- old young man approached him and asked,

"What are you going to do O Amirul Mukminin?"

"Allow me to take a nap. I'm extremely exhausted till there's almost no might left in me."

"Are you going to sleep before you actually return things you've taken by force from the owner, O Amirul Mukminin?"

"By the time of Zuhr, I'll return those things to the respected owners."

"Who give you a guarantee that you are still alive till the time past this Zuhr, O Amirul Mukminin?"

*The young man who gave such a rejoinder is Abdul Malik, the prince of Caliph Umar bin Abdul Aziz himself..
Like father like son.. Masya Allah..*


A king to a human is actually his heart. A caliph. We are created by The Great Al Khaliq as two:
To perform ibadah to Him, and to be a caliph.

Each of us is a caliph with respected specialties, assets, and strength. Allah Maha Adil. Maha Pemurah. Maha Mengetahui. Maha Bijaksana. Segala galanya.. He knows best what characteristics and assets fit us most. He knows what we are able to take. He knows what we deserve to have.. He knows best what we should take and do..

Fortune from Allah can be istidraj, Nauzubillah.. One of the way to avoid this is to take care of the caliph within us.. Our heart.

"The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses (this Qur'an) are recited unto them, they (i.e. the Verses) increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord (Alone)."
(Al Anfal, 2.) 

My personal most favorite book. The best of book with the best of references. About anything, everything..

Look in the mirror, ask ourselves; we, the caliph on this face of earth:
"O Amirul Mukminin, how good have I use the time I have and do the responsible I should actually do?"

Let's try our best, try to the fullest to use what He blessedly pour us with.
Make those as asbab, as wasilah to make us worth created by Him.
Worth to live as what He selected as for.
Make any tests, gloominess, or difficulties lies within as a motivation to polish our assets.
To make He loves us more and more..