Stay With Me..

It had been a truly cold day today. Made me chilled inside out. My anxiety was at its highest peak for the Forensic paper to be sit this morning and for my first time of going out wearing long hijab..

I owe my honey sister a lot.. She helps and encourages me to the fullest once I told her about this matter and still being such ever..

I picked black for there's one friend who told me that's the color of Rasulullah wives' clothes. Perhaps it can be a good kick- start. I cut and sew it myself as nice as possible.. I'm not sure is the shape and size I made is the way how it should be or the other ways round.. Front's length reaches some few centimeters below my navel and back's length reaches around my waist. Ni yang 1st.. Nanti yang lain2 lepas ni nak buat lagi bagus..

To see me in the mirror, I felt myself melting. Felt like crying.. Palpitations.

Ruhi was the first to see me this morning.

"Wahhh.. Comellll"

Ok. Takut dah kurang sikit..

Then to reach campus, the the first eyes I had mine to meet with were my very dear Hanim and Tika.. Their presences were what I needed a lot to sooth my trembling heart, their words and pamper were what I needed a lot to strengthen my weaken knees:') My hands were pretty cold and somewhat shivered so I held Tika's hand tightly. I felt like hugging them, but afraid that I'll shed my tears.. Nak exam ni. Takmo emo2~

Lots of our friends reached then. The boys truly embarrassed me.. Tapi bila pk balik, jadi gelak pulak^^ Some few faces and words I would love to capture:

Nasrul: Waahh. Pqa! Alhamdulillahhhh~

Nazirul: *The typical him when he's amazed or blur or apa2 yang sewaktu dengannya- mata besar, mulut nganga sikit*

Even William and Ray asked me about it..

I couldn't even raise my chin up and indeed couldn't directly see them in the eyes.. Aiyok. Rasa macam baru kenal je pulak dengan diorang ni-_- 

Before the examination started,  Mal came and gave a light soft pinch on my cheek.  

"Comel.."

She wished me luck.. I told her what I felt and she told me how much she understands upon what I felt.. I believe she truly do. She'd been in my place, though in somewhat a different situation.. I have a truly huge respect to her on that.. Her smile and her words touched me deep and made me felt bolder. Thank you Mal:')

Ok. Takut dah kurang lagi..

Hanim kept saying how much she loves to see me in this way.

" I rasa tenang je tengok you macam ni.."

O Allah.. She'd been the remedy for an eye sore to me all this while.. The chamber of my comfortableness.. Person I can get myself as bubbly as possible.. A shoulder to cry on.. It's good to know I can be that way for her either.. She told me her wishes to also wear long hijab. She used to before, during her schoolhood.. Wahh~ Sangat suka. Ada geng nanti^^

Well.. When she also joined the Daurah that day, my heart bloomed like a morning glory flower. What more if she ever does the same thing for this one. She's my bestfriend.. She makes a significant part in me:')

I have my own reasons of having myself to go for all this stuff.. Reasons beyond what I can share to anyone, even to Emak.. It may not be hard to others, but it somehow indeed is to me.. It was the 1st day of my struggle and I found lots of things which help making me believe that I've made a right decision:')

To get myself ready for class this morning, I found that it does a good help for me to keep a long healthy hair. I can make a simple ponytail without having to worry if it can be seen as the hijab is long enough to cover it. Anak2, kalau sanggul rambut banyak2 sangat nanti rambut macam tak berapa sihat..

Then, Ruhi and me had our Zohor prayer together in Super Sambal for lunch. I performed my solat in what I was wearing.. Tak payah pakai telekung^^ Another jackpot that I used "Stokin wudhuk", i.e it can be folded up without having had to be taken off..

To boot, it's a lot easier for me to do my hijab especially as only 1 brooch is needed. Previously, I need 4 brooches to pin my hijab~ I'm not the "lilit sana lilit sini" type of girl, nevertheless, I'm quite particular about looking presentable. Selalunya memang sangat lame nak pakai tudung. Ish..

Sumayyah yang baby je lagi ni pun relax je pakai tudung besar. Mak tah ni.. Belemoih la~ Ish ish..

Meh duduk Perlis dengan Sumayyah, kursus pakai tudung labuh~

Withal, Alhamdulillah..

Thank you Allah for the strength You showered me with,

right from the Great Love and Care of Yours

and through everyone around me..

 Learning.. Learning.. Learning..

Insya Allah..

Another Gift From HIM:)

Alhamdulillah.. Blessed with another year to have:) As much as I could recall it back, this 2011 celebration is the most beautiful new year eve I've ever had..

Our Daurah was held in Parangtritis which takes almost 1 hour from my home. Long distance trip on a bike is way more exhausting than that of a car. Howbeit, me, hitchhiking Celina had a little less of such than her. Huu.. Thank you Celina.. Lain kali akak bawa awak naik scooter akak pulak^^

The place was nice. And I always love the trip. Paddy field area is always a remedy for an eye sore:) I Felt very much welcomed by the Usrah members even I was a new comer.. The Daurah gave me a truly splendiferous warmth, I hardly could explain how much it really is and I believe my one night insomnia is merely a tiny single dust compared to the rest of other things I have.

To note, the road which is just 100m outside from our homestay had never failed being occupied by vehicles, and people crowding at the area to celebrate the new year brought noises which got worst when the fireworks were lighted up. They even sang so many songs which amazingly became a lullaby to me. Siap2 baring nak tidur pukul 10pm tapi sampai pukul 12.30am dapat dengar lagi orang dodoikan.. Ish Ishh.. Cobaan...

Well.. Our big topic is SAYONARA JAHILIYAH.. I learned and discovered lots of things.. Here I am, realizing how so little things I know and remember in my life.. To boot, there are so many things which make me hold on the ground stronger upon handling things which put a heavy loads on my shoulder, especially at these moments..

"Tidak ada seorangpun yang meninggalkan keburukan yang ia rasakan nikmat, hanya kerana Allah, kecuali ia pasti menemukan gantinya dari Allah."
(Ibnu Sirin)

On a blessed morning of 1.1.11, Tika let me to be the Imam for our Subuh prayer. It wasn't the first time for me to lead the prayer, but the feeling was utterly different..

My resolution is to really work not merely towards becoming a good Muslim, but sure-fire a good Mukmin. Insya Allah..

We had the closing curtain of our Daurah with a lovey dovey times in Parangtritis beach and enjoyed huge servings of seafoods. Hee^^

Alhamdulillah.. Everything I have and I got are indeed awe-inspiring that my heart blooming in every second the clock ticks. I'm grateful of how Allah help me to have such a beautiful ending of 2010 and beginning of 2011:')

Take My Hand^^

It's been quite a wonderful day today. What a blessed Friday^^

Shendy brought kuih Mochi for our group. It truly is a jackpot as kuih Mochi is my favorite kuih~~~

Mochi is made from steamed glutinous rice pounded into sticky dough, stuffed with sweet fillings such as crushed nuts, and molded into ball shape. Sedappp~

*****

After 4 months of struggling, my research finally shows good progress. To point things out, I'm amongst the earliest who managed to complete the research proposal. Regrettably, I'm amongst the last who can really work on it smoothly.. We've tried lots of things; altering here and there on the procedures and materials, repeating the experiment so, so, so many times and today, the result of the specimen put a smile on me.

Now we already found the appropriate method, we can start working thoroughly. Alhamdulillah^^

Dr Hakim asked me to give him a treat as Malaysia won against Indonesia during the AFF Suzuki. I believe I should really buy him something, but as for the second thought: "Eish.. Tak malu minta girl belanja.." 

He had been doing half of my experiment and being very, very patient with me all this while. Terima kasih Doktor. Allah rewards you best, Insya Allah^^

*****

Ain invited me to join Daurah held by her usrah members. I'm not very clear what Daurah is all about actually. Ain said there will be Taklim and we will spend one night together. It sounded like Keluar Tabligh to me.. 

I'm having a paper to sit next Tuesday that I'm actually pretty hesitated about it. Notwithstanding, my heart leaps sky high upon the invitation, so I'm going~

I don't have "proper" pyjama for this kind of sleep over.. Nanti "ustazah2" marah. Hoo.. Next time must put long sleeve pyjama in the shopping list!

Buhbye Kichi, Buhbye Kitty. Mama tidur dengan kawan2 malam ni...

Fresh Breath

Trying to really get things refreshed.. One of those efforts is having a new layout, perhaps? Hee^^

I'm glad I finally have the courage to perform Istikharah that day.. I'm glad my heart finally touched deep by the meaning of Ma'al Hijrah prayers for this 1432.. It had past about a fortnight and to date till today, I have and even bolder trust in my decision, in myself.. I can feel the calmness. Alhamdulillah.. Notwithstanding, I did have many nights of crying and self- pitying previously, I admit.. Withal, kena kuat semangat~ Takmo tersengaja manjakan atau melemahkan diri sendiri lagi Taufiqah~

Some deeds are just very much worth done within the first 10 days of Dhul Hijjah. Alhamdulillah:') Anyway, I have good material to be shared, welcome yourself to spend some time hand feeding about First Ten Days of Dhul Hijjah: Days of Virtue And Righteous Deeds..

I should be embarrassed upon myself... Afraid to do things I should actually do, not only as a girl, but as a muslim.. All those apprehensions of being alone, or desperate and worrying what people may say yet may gossip about, and even wondering how much I would envy others had been making me forget that what reality is LEAVING EVERYTHING TO ALLAH LEAVES NO DOUBT.. Insya Allah. It unquestionable is for HE is the Most Powerful, Most Knowing of EVERYTHING.

Wamakaru wamakarallah..

I thanked Kak Nani, Ain and Tika for their gentle talks and advices.. Yesterday when we talked again, I felt even stronger.. It makes me have more faith in me. Make things even firmer.

Abah told me that he and Emak felt touched with my decision.. Bg Ngah was quite shocked, howbeit very, very glad.. I'm not yet belong to anyone; be it in legal, what more religiously. I'm bonded to Allah and absolutely my family, and soon when I'm married, my husband is then the one who has the right on me on top of my family.. Felt terrible of how much I've been letting myself being deceived by my own parents and family wish:'(

I don't want to hurt anyone, and even myself anymore..

Semoga semuanya berlaku apa yang terbaik untuk kita bagi kita, dan apa yang terbaik untuk kita bagi Allah...
Amin...

Ma'al Hijrah

I made vows.. most *well.. surely not all* are somewhat the same as the previous years..
Looking back through the years have passed, I felt sick.
Who have I become all this while.. what have I done..
Shame on me:'(

Embarrassed.

Allah.. Tolong lah. Bagi KEKUATAN!

New Year. New Me. A better MUSLIM.
INSYA ALLAH~!

Salam Ma'al Hijrah 1432..