Jan 25, 2011

Stay With Me..

It had been a truly cold day today. Made me chilled inside out. My anxiety was at its highest peak for the Forensic paper to be sit this morning and for my first time of going out wearing long hijab..

I owe my honey sister a lot.. She helps and encourages me to the fullest once I told her about this matter and still being such ever..

I picked black for there's one friend who told me that's the color of Rasulullah wives' clothes. Perhaps it can be a good kick- start. I cut and sew it myself as nice as possible.. I'm not sure is the shape and size I made is the way how it should be or the other ways round.. Front's length reaches some few centimeters below my navel and back's length reaches around my waist. Ni yang 1st.. Nanti yang lain2 lepas ni nak buat lagi bagus..

To see me in the mirror, I felt myself melting. Felt like crying.. Palpitations.

Ruhi was the first to see me this morning.

"Wahhh.. Comellll"

Ok. Takut dah kurang sikit..

Then to reach campus, the the first eyes I had mine to meet with were my very dear Hanim and Tika.. Their presences were what I needed a lot to sooth my trembling heart, their words and pamper were what I needed a lot to strengthen my weaken knees:') My hands were pretty cold and somewhat shivered so I held Tika's hand tightly. I felt like hugging them, but afraid that I'll shed my tears.. Nak exam ni. Takmo emo2~

Lots of our friends reached then. The boys truly embarrassed me.. Tapi bila pk balik, jadi gelak pulak^^ Some few faces and words I would love to capture:

Nasrul: Waahh. Pqa! Alhamdulillahhhh~

Nazirul: *The typical him when he's amazed or blur or apa2 yang sewaktu dengannya- mata besar, mulut nganga sikit*

Even William and Ray asked me about it..

I couldn't even raise my chin up and indeed couldn't directly see them in the eyes.. Aiyok. Rasa macam baru kenal je pulak dengan diorang ni-_- 

Before the examination started,  Mal came and gave a light soft pinch on my cheek.  


She wished me luck.. I told her what I felt and she told me how much she understands upon what I felt.. I believe she truly do. She'd been in my place, though in somewhat a different situation.. I have a truly huge respect to her on that.. Her smile and her words touched me deep and made me felt bolder. Thank you Mal:')

Ok. Takut dah kurang lagi..

Hanim kept saying how much she loves to see me in this way.

" I rasa tenang je tengok you macam ni.."

O Allah.. She'd been the remedy for an eye sore to me all this while.. The chamber of my comfortableness.. Person I can get myself as bubbly as possible.. A shoulder to cry on.. It's good to know I can be that way for her either.. She told me her wishes to also wear long hijab. She used to before, during her schoolhood.. Wahh~ Sangat suka. Ada geng nanti^^

Well.. When she also joined the Daurah that day, my heart bloomed like a morning glory flower. What more if she ever does the same thing for this one. She's my bestfriend.. She makes a significant part in me:')

I have my own reasons of having myself to go for all this stuff.. Reasons beyond what I can share to anyone, even to Emak.. It may not be hard to others, but it somehow indeed is to me.. It was the 1st day of my struggle and I found lots of things which help making me believe that I've made a right decision:')

To get myself ready for class this morning, I found that it does a good help for me to keep a long healthy hair. I can make a simple ponytail without having to worry if it can be seen as the hijab is long enough to cover it. Anak2, kalau sanggul rambut banyak2 sangat nanti rambut macam tak berapa sihat..

Then, Ruhi and me had our Zohor prayer together in Super Sambal for lunch. I performed my solat in what I was wearing.. Tak payah pakai telekung^^ Another jackpot that I used "Stokin wudhuk", i.e it can be folded up without having had to be taken off..

To boot, it's a lot easier for me to do my hijab especially as only 1 brooch is needed. Previously, I need 4 brooches to pin my hijab~ I'm not the "lilit sana lilit sini" type of girl, nevertheless, I'm quite particular about looking presentable. Selalunya memang sangat lame nak pakai tudung. Ish..

Sumayyah yang baby je lagi ni pun relax je pakai tudung besar. Mak tah ni.. Belemoih la~ Ish ish..
Meh duduk Perlis dengan Sumayyah, kursus pakai tudung labuh~

Withal, Alhamdulillah..
Thank you Allah for the strength You showered me with,
right from the Great Love and Care of Yours
and through everyone around me..
 Learning.. Learning.. Learning..
Insya Allah..


BungaSahara said...

Alhamdulillah wa syukurillah...

pqa syg...
T_T membaca en3 ni, tak sedar kolam air mata bertakung..
u know what dik, kak munie dpt rse perasaan yg pqa rse tu, sbb i had the same feeling too when i 1st wearing it...

keep istiqomah ye pqa syg :)

roses said...

bestnyee!!tgh tgu turn saya pulak.bila pulak agaknya.T___T

sbb niat anda baik, pasti perjalanan anda dipermudahkan.amin.:)

anyway semoga gagah selalu ya!!:)

نورتوفيقا said...

Dear Kak Munie:
Tu lah.. Actuallu, pqa nak minta consultation akak at first. Tapi somehow i believe it's better that i fully decide this thing on my own.. Part nak istiqamah tu needs support from diri sendiri + orang lain..

Thank you sangat akak:')
Allahumma amin..

Alhamdulillah.. Your turn will very soon to come when you bring yourself there^^

You are so sweet...

Anonymous said...

salam.to be honest, i never 'pandang pelik' to those wearing long hijjab. in fact i respect them, for the fact that they are able to leave the so wanna look fashionable duniawi(which i am still in it) and choose to look modest for akhirat.

i hope i can be like that 1 day..amiiin

نورتوفيقا said...


Thank you sooo much. That put an ease in me:)

It's normal for we girls to look fashionable, or to me, personally: i always want to look pretty..Huu

Together we try our best to posses the kind of modesty that Allah loves..

I do will pray for you:)
Allahumma amin..

ibnsoleh said...

waidza 'azamta fatawakkal 'alallaah...
allahu yusahhil wa yubaaril laki...

نورتوفيقا said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bijen M. said...

No other word to say.

نور توفيقا said...

Takmo nangis.
*Nah, handkerchief*

ruhi said...

salam alaik.

seriously, sejuk mata memandang (^^)

walhamdulillah, n all praises be to Allah...


نور توفيقا said...


Pqa sorry sebelum2 ni pqa jadi "pemanas mata" dekat Ruhi:(

Pqa nak selalu try untuk jadi penyejuk mata ruhi selama kita jadi housemates and afterwards, insya Allah^^

dibby bus-bus said...


xsaba jumpe pika..
nk tgk pika yg baru..
sungguh Allah yg memegang hati2 kita kan..
kalau Dia nak bg hidayah, tiada sape kate x boley.. =)

semoga istiqamah..


dibby bus-bus said...

btw..sumayyah sgt chumil.. =)
sejuk mata memandang baby yg suci ni..

نور توفيقا said...


Aiyok. Malu..
Dib.. Pqa lagi tak sabar jumpa dib..

Allahumma amin.
Semoga Allah tolong, till the last breath I have......

*Sumayyah chumil, ikut mak tah dia^^*

ana said...

salam alaik.

eh, 'pemanas mata'? huhu... selama yg di-amal masih dibenarkan syara', ruhi x kisah.

yg penting hati. dan keikhlasan diri.

memang diri ini mencuba belajar ntuk memandang jauh ke dalam hati-hati manusia, namun itu rahsia Allah, sedang malaikat pun x dapat melihatnya, apatah lagi manusia seperti kita.

still remember?
if we left something for the sake of Allah as the only reason, inshaAllah He'll replace that something with a lot more of better things.

be it the chance to see His face, be it to be among those near Rasulullah, be it to be rewarded with an eternal living in Jannah with our dear families, subhanallah walhamdulillah.

may we meet in heaven.

inshaAllah, amiin.


ana said...

oh ye, sumayyah si comei tu oghang peghelih ka? awat x penah jumpa pown.. =p

نور توفيقا said...

Allah knows best what I have in my heart..

And Allah knows best how much I leave everything to Him.. Allah knows best how to comfort me. One of the many blessed ways is to have good housemates, macam ruhi:')

Ya la~ Sumayyah oghang peghelih~ Dia kecik lagi. Tu ruhi tak jumpa. Sat gi dah besa, pqa soh dia cari ruhi. hee^^

sumayyah said...

sumayyah saaayg mak tah..insyaallah ader rezeki kita jumpa..mmuah..

نور توفيقا said...

Nak cepat2 balik M'sia.. Sumayyah bagitahu abah n ummi cepat dtg sini visit mak tah..

Mak tah sayang sumayyah jugak.
Sayang baaaanyak sangat2:')

Anonymous said...

i can only cry and pray to ALLAH..feel like having you around and have a long sister-hug with you..do pray for me ya sis!

~shah alam sister

نور توفيقا said...

Sure. I'll pray for you.
And will support you!

Come, long distance sister- hug^^