I need My Guardian

It's the last day of my orientation for the clinical rotation.. Except for the 1st day, the rest of the other days are of which I've been having these gloomy feeling deep inside..

I don't know who I can actually talk to.. Express my feeling to..

Feel like wearing a mask of a happy care- free face whilst having such a crying, shivering heart inside:'(

Rasa nak bawa bekal, picnic dekat tepi air terjun........

Indeed, Allah knows how much I'm very grateful and happy for being selected to enter the 1st wave of Ko'as. I'm excited as much as how I'm all bubbled upon any wonderful thing can ever happen to me.. 

Alhamdulillah..  Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah..

Nonetheless, I'm scared..

Very scared..

My first department would be Anesthesiology and Reanimation, starting this Monday..

Rabbi yassir wala tuassir..

O Allah.. I need You.. As I always do, always.

In every second that the clock ticks.In every breath that I take.. In every detail of life that I have..

You are the Best of Guardian.. With The Best of Care and Love..

You own me, everything of me.

To You I serve my soul, my heart, my life to.

Taufiqah takmo nangis dah. Taufiqah kuat. Kuat. Kuat. Kuat!

GO GO GO!

Stay With Me..

It had been a truly cold day today. Made me chilled inside out. My anxiety was at its highest peak for the Forensic paper to be sit this morning and for my first time of going out wearing long hijab..

I owe my honey sister a lot.. She helps and encourages me to the fullest once I told her about this matter and still being such ever..

I picked black for there's one friend who told me that's the color of Rasulullah wives' clothes. Perhaps it can be a good kick- start. I cut and sew it myself as nice as possible.. I'm not sure is the shape and size I made is the way how it should be or the other ways round.. Front's length reaches some few centimeters below my navel and back's length reaches around my waist. Ni yang 1st.. Nanti yang lain2 lepas ni nak buat lagi bagus..

To see me in the mirror, I felt myself melting. Felt like crying.. Palpitations.

Ruhi was the first to see me this morning.

"Wahhh.. Comellll"

Ok. Takut dah kurang sikit..

Then to reach campus, the the first eyes I had mine to meet with were my very dear Hanim and Tika.. Their presences were what I needed a lot to sooth my trembling heart, their words and pamper were what I needed a lot to strengthen my weaken knees:') My hands were pretty cold and somewhat shivered so I held Tika's hand tightly. I felt like hugging them, but afraid that I'll shed my tears.. Nak exam ni. Takmo emo2~

Lots of our friends reached then. The boys truly embarrassed me.. Tapi bila pk balik, jadi gelak pulak^^ Some few faces and words I would love to capture:

Nasrul: Waahh. Pqa! Alhamdulillahhhh~

Nazirul: *The typical him when he's amazed or blur or apa2 yang sewaktu dengannya- mata besar, mulut nganga sikit*

Even William and Ray asked me about it..

I couldn't even raise my chin up and indeed couldn't directly see them in the eyes.. Aiyok. Rasa macam baru kenal je pulak dengan diorang ni-_- 

Before the examination started,  Mal came and gave a light soft pinch on my cheek.  

"Comel.."

She wished me luck.. I told her what I felt and she told me how much she understands upon what I felt.. I believe she truly do. She'd been in my place, though in somewhat a different situation.. I have a truly huge respect to her on that.. Her smile and her words touched me deep and made me felt bolder. Thank you Mal:')

Ok. Takut dah kurang lagi..

Hanim kept saying how much she loves to see me in this way.

" I rasa tenang je tengok you macam ni.."

O Allah.. She'd been the remedy for an eye sore to me all this while.. The chamber of my comfortableness.. Person I can get myself as bubbly as possible.. A shoulder to cry on.. It's good to know I can be that way for her either.. She told me her wishes to also wear long hijab. She used to before, during her schoolhood.. Wahh~ Sangat suka. Ada geng nanti^^

Well.. When she also joined the Daurah that day, my heart bloomed like a morning glory flower. What more if she ever does the same thing for this one. She's my bestfriend.. She makes a significant part in me:')

I have my own reasons of having myself to go for all this stuff.. Reasons beyond what I can share to anyone, even to Emak.. It may not be hard to others, but it somehow indeed is to me.. It was the 1st day of my struggle and I found lots of things which help making me believe that I've made a right decision:')

To get myself ready for class this morning, I found that it does a good help for me to keep a long healthy hair. I can make a simple ponytail without having to worry if it can be seen as the hijab is long enough to cover it. Anak2, kalau sanggul rambut banyak2 sangat nanti rambut macam tak berapa sihat..

Then, Ruhi and me had our Zohor prayer together in Super Sambal for lunch. I performed my solat in what I was wearing.. Tak payah pakai telekung^^ Another jackpot that I used "Stokin wudhuk", i.e it can be folded up without having had to be taken off..

To boot, it's a lot easier for me to do my hijab especially as only 1 brooch is needed. Previously, I need 4 brooches to pin my hijab~ I'm not the "lilit sana lilit sini" type of girl, nevertheless, I'm quite particular about looking presentable. Selalunya memang sangat lame nak pakai tudung. Ish..

Sumayyah yang baby je lagi ni pun relax je pakai tudung besar. Mak tah ni.. Belemoih la~ Ish ish..

Meh duduk Perlis dengan Sumayyah, kursus pakai tudung labuh~

Withal, Alhamdulillah..

Thank you Allah for the strength You showered me with,

right from the Great Love and Care of Yours

and through everyone around me..

 Learning.. Learning.. Learning..

Insya Allah..

To feel Loved and Protected

Went for our usual weekend Daurah yesterday. More akhwat Jakarta with us and the juniors look as eager as babies to hand- feed almost everything. Same goes to me. Tapi Piqa kan kakak, control sikit. Hee~

In the morning, my heart blooming to the fullest to see Ruz:') Ruz gave me a big hug and I hugged her tightly. Rindu sangat dekat Ruz.. I have to excuse myself earlier for my thesis's experiment. Before I left, Dib told me there was a souvenir. The typical me, my heart jumping with great excitement. Wee~ Ada hadiah^^

They hugged me so close, kissed and Dayah handed me a truly sweet give, fruiting a feeling I hardly experience on other gifts I usually get..

to PIQAH

"Semoga tsabat di jalan ini."

Love, akhwat jakarta.

Felt happy and touched. Deeply touched..

Somewhat the same developing in me like months ago, whilst I were drowning pathetically in the mud where Tika and Ain texted me and they began with;

"Piqa, Tika sayang sangat Piqa"

"Piqa, Ain sayang sangat Piqa"
   

But that time, I was also filled with embarrassment and regrets..

This time, SEMANGAT~

O Allah.. I love them either. Very much. Beyond what I can actually say or show.. Please pour them, pour us, the very blessed of Your Love ever..

Amin..

Gratitude to The One

Well.. I was wondering around through loads of file in my lappy to get some idea for my Islamic Class assignment, then I found a video in my 2nd year folder: From Conception To Birth. Feel quite fragile and dull at this moment, so I worked on this video that somehow, someway, I feel refreshed. Not that much, but it helps.

Sit back, relax, and here, a gift~
Enjoy the video:)
*keep your volume high*

May we always remember who created us, how, and why.
Amin..

Another Gift From HIM:)

Alhamdulillah.. Blessed with another year to have:) As much as I could recall it back, this 2011 celebration is the most beautiful new year eve I've ever had..

Our Daurah was held in Parangtritis which takes almost 1 hour from my home. Long distance trip on a bike is way more exhausting than that of a car. Howbeit, me, hitchhiking Celina had a little less of such than her. Huu.. Thank you Celina.. Lain kali akak bawa awak naik scooter akak pulak^^

The place was nice. And I always love the trip. Paddy field area is always a remedy for an eye sore:) I Felt very much welcomed by the Usrah members even I was a new comer.. The Daurah gave me a truly splendiferous warmth, I hardly could explain how much it really is and I believe my one night insomnia is merely a tiny single dust compared to the rest of other things I have.

To note, the road which is just 100m outside from our homestay had never failed being occupied by vehicles, and people crowding at the area to celebrate the new year brought noises which got worst when the fireworks were lighted up. They even sang so many songs which amazingly became a lullaby to me. Siap2 baring nak tidur pukul 10pm tapi sampai pukul 12.30am dapat dengar lagi orang dodoikan.. Ish Ishh.. Cobaan...

Well.. Our big topic is SAYONARA JAHILIYAH.. I learned and discovered lots of things.. Here I am, realizing how so little things I know and remember in my life.. To boot, there are so many things which make me hold on the ground stronger upon handling things which put a heavy loads on my shoulder, especially at these moments..

"Tidak ada seorangpun yang meninggalkan keburukan yang ia rasakan nikmat, hanya kerana Allah, kecuali ia pasti menemukan gantinya dari Allah."
(Ibnu Sirin)

On a blessed morning of 1.1.11, Tika let me to be the Imam for our Subuh prayer. It wasn't the first time for me to lead the prayer, but the feeling was utterly different..

My resolution is to really work not merely towards becoming a good Muslim, but sure-fire a good Mukmin. Insya Allah..

We had the closing curtain of our Daurah with a lovey dovey times in Parangtritis beach and enjoyed huge servings of seafoods. Hee^^

Alhamdulillah.. Everything I have and I got are indeed awe-inspiring that my heart blooming in every second the clock ticks. I'm grateful of how Allah help me to have such a beautiful ending of 2010 and beginning of 2011:')