Light of Taufeeq

Do it, for YOU

2012-01-19T11:42:00.007+07:00

I submitted my writing of "Superhero" to this one website and Allah knows how it feels to have it published. I believe many people had done so, much much more than me, and had been submitting much much better writing than me, but the gladness within are indeed awesome~ *happyyy*

Thinking of getting a part time job (I'm serious..), as Abg didn't allow me to be a part- time teacher for this time being, I was actually looking for a website of which I can get some payment through writing. After a thought or two, I found myself in the wrong intention.. I am to talk mostly about Islam or Da'wah, and my first intention is to earn money...? What happen to my effort of removing all sort of advertisements in my blog previously of which I claimed as syubhah..? Astaghfirullahhal'azim..

So there I was, submitting what I already wrote, intentionally only for the sake of sharing, Lillahita'ala. Seeing others who can write far better, who can touch others well for the benefits of Islam, I'm actually do embarrassed..

This makes me think anyway, how much things I've done in my life is actually, honestly, truly Lillahita'ala.. For Allah.. My study.. My work.. My efforts of this and that.. MY LIFE.

*****

We had a Daurah last week, of which not all, but many of my Murabbi were gathered together where that eventually made this one is my favourite Daurah..

Perhaps Tika and Dib prefer not me to behave this way, I know they certainly want me to always being able to be independent, but indeed, I miss having them around. Having them to take care of me.. Indeed, I'm much pampered being taken care by my lovely family, my very dear Abg, my wonderful friends.. Being a Mutarabbi to them all this while..

It'd been approximately freshly 3 months where I become the Murabbi to one Usrah.. Having myself being solely a Mutarabbi to others for years previously didn't give me much clue, real clue upon being a Murabbi, until I myself experiencing it..

Tika, especially, had been taking care of me well, wonderfully as a friend, as a Murabbi, fillah, especially during my pregnancy. Waking (and forcing, huu) me up everyday for qiamullail, joining me in my room for solat jemaah, teaching me lots of things be it about religion or our practical, and sharing things I've been through all this while.. She often pour me with comforting and heart- warming words..

*Sunnah of Rasulullah whilst spending time with sick people: always talk nice things and pray for their good and luck:)*

I've been holding my sadness back in front of my Mutarabbi.. Always try my best to be mature and look dependable in front of them.. Keeping my baby- temper deep inside.. Being sulk alone:'( Am I a boring naqibah? Am I being too gentle? Allah.. Grow up pqa..

After all the things I've been through, there I was that day, crying on Dib's lap pouring out my sadness all over.. I'm upset by my ownself.. Feel like I don't deserve to do this.. I have lots lots lots of things to tell them, a lot, but much of what I able to do was crying. I finally can be myself when my Murabbi are around.. And that, Allah knows- was such a big relief..

Tika, Dib, Shida.. Pqa minta maaf sangat sebab dah menyusahkan..

*****

There's a big responsibility, huge tasks to be done, to achieve the great target. For Allah, for Islam..

There are lots of works to be done.

Let's work together.

For Allah.

"In advising you, it does not mean that I am the best among you.

Not even the most righteous among you, as I had also transgressed beyond the limit of my ownself.

If a person is only able to perform da'wah when he's perfect, certainly there would be no da'ie.

Hence there will be very few who will remind others."

"Sesungguhnya aku sedang menasihati kamu, bukanlah bererti akulah yg terbaik dalam kalangan kamu. Bukan juga yang paling soleh dalam kalangan kamu, kerana aku juga pernah melampaui batas untuk diri sendiri. Seandainya seseorang itu hanya dapat menyampaikan dakwah apabila dia sempurna, nescaya tidak akan ada pendakwah. Maka akan jadi sikitlah orang yang memberi peringatan".

(Hasan al Basri)

*****

Congratulation to Kak Aliaazuan and Kak Umu for the birth of their precious mujahidah~

Congratulation to Kak Shuhada for the success of being in the midst of 2nd trimester of the pregnancy~

Congratulation to Mei for now tip- toe into the 2nd trimester of pregnancy~

Barakallah:')

Doakan pqa, dipping into the 3rd trimester's..

The unforgotten ingredient in a legendary recipe..

2011-12-20T21:12:00.008+07:00

"..tentang akhlaq je..."

je..?

Really..?

I've heard such statements (or anything similar to it) numbers of times, which got me thinking, is it akhlaq is something so simple?

*****

إنما بعثت لأتم صالح الاخلق

"I am sent to accomplish the pious moral."

”Sesungguhnya aku diutus untuk menyempurnakan akhlak yang sholeh”.

(Rasulullah s.a.w)

(HR. Bukhari; shahih Bukhari kitab adab, Baihaqi; kitab syu’bil Iman & Hakim).

وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ إِلَّا رَحْمَةً لِّلْعَالَمِينَ

"We sent thee not (Muhammad), but as a mercy for all creatures."

“Dan tiadalah Kami mengutus kamu Muhammad,
melainkan untuk (menjadi) rahmat bagi semesta alam”.

(Al-Anbiya’: 107)

*****

A brief conclusion from the two great quotes above would be the fact that good akhlaq brings rahmat; mercy, grace, bless..

Mixing up with variety kind of people, of different background, different faith, different perspective of life, there is this one thing I realized most people would really honour for:

Akhlaq.

Or you can pronounce it as morality, virtue, manners..

Akhlaq, like "Aqidah", of which many would see it as "something so basic" and tend to consciously or subconsciously forget its significances, hence always missed out to highlight and pay a proper attention to..

Aqidah and akhlaq are both the basic in Islam. Whilst basic refers to foundation.. Imagine a building without a foundation. We are busy making the building higher and higher, busy to beautify the building, busy to fill in the building, but seem to put aside the strength of its foundation. What happen to the building? Easily blown by wind, easily crashed by wave..

Some of us directly or indirectly make religious as a guideline to practice good manners, be it the muslims or non- muslims. Some of us are grown that way; due to the way how they are being raised, or the surrounding. Some of us are indeed born with such beautiful heart and mind, producing beautiful characteristics.

"Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammad s.a.w), you have a good example to follow for him who hopes in (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much."

“Sesungguhnya telah ada pada (diri) Rasulullah itu suri tauladan yang baik bagimu (iaitu) bagi orang yang mengharap (rahmat) Allah dan (kedatangan) hari kiamat dan Dia banyak menyebut Allah”.

(Al Ahzab, 21)

Abu Bakar r.a admitted the syahadah through Rasulullah s.a.w, his bestfriend. That time, there's not much glorious stories of Islam Rasulullah told or could tell him. Not much history of legendary and great wars to amaze and convince him about the truth of Islam like what we have today through the flaming, soul- awakening stories of the battle of Badr or Battle of Khandaq, the victorious stories of Sahaba, etc..

He's entittled as "As Siddiq", one who always justify what is said by Rasulullah.. He's not being so towards Rasulullah simply, plainly because they are bestfriend. He knows he does the right thing the fact that he recognize what kind of person Rasulullah really is. His descendant, his livehood, and yes indeed, his akhlaq.. And it was his faith to Allah and Rasulullah that pulled him into the confidence to live and work his life for Islam. It was from that which lead to his openness and readiness to sacrifice for Islam. For Allah.

Mus'ab, the first ambassador in Islam might not win the heart of Muhajirin and Ansar only through his fluency in talking or his handsome and charming look. To especially born and raised in a noble and rich family, he's known for his praiseworthy manners, akhlaq..

Look back at those days under the ruling of Rasulullah and the Caliphs.. The empire of Islam was filled with rahmat due to beautiful akhlaq of the people. The muslims and non- muslims able to live together peacefully..

Aisyah r.a once asked Rasulullah s.a.w about one non- muslim man they know named Ibn Jaddan,

"O the beloved of Allah, Ibn Jaddan always create the bonding of fraternity, feed the poor, being kind to neighbors and good in serving his guests. Don't those good deeds bring rewards (pahala)?

Rasulullah s.a.w said,

"O Aisyah, he had never pray for Allah to forgive his sins in the hereafter."

(HR Muslim, Ibnu Hibban, Hakim and Ahmad)

We may have better and deeper understanding about Islam than others. We may realize more about our purpose of living and our responsible. Nevertheless, that doesn't guarantee us that we truly have better manners than others..

"Amal ma'ruf and nahi mungkar" and being a better person are two different things. One doesn't have to be perfect till he or she can advice and ask others for good. Yet being good alone is not enough. Imagine living in a house as a truly good person whilst outside, crimes are floating around here and there. Comfortable enough..? These two things are separated, howbeit have to come together..

Let's improve our manners. Together we polish our akhlaq. Insya Allah, Allah will open the door of Rahmat wider for us. Amin Amin Amin..

We are the slave of Allah. We are the muslims (mukmin, insya Allah). We are the ummah of Muhammad.

Ummat Muhammad boleh~

"Pray, and tell Me"

2011-12-11T15:22:00.005+07:00

Half of my housemates gathered yesterday (others are sent for practical outside from Jogja) and we were talking about those clinical stuff we had in the hospitals. Those diseases, therapies, patients, etc.. I didn't talk much, tired, I was and I am, another reason is because I haven't been through most of what they were discussing about.

I was upset. Very.

For not knowing and experiencing as much.

For the fact that soon, they are graduating and leaving me earlier.

My clinical rotation scheduled is changed almost 90%. Despite the risks and unknowingly future ahead, after istikharah and mesyuarah, I decided to put my pregnancy and my health as a priority. I only registering myself into departments which is suitable with my current condition. The other departments which require heavy workloads, shifts, and lengthy period will be participated later after this little caliph in my womb is delivered, Biiznillah..

I cried in having the feeling of being left behind. Cried in realizing that all this while, more often than not, I'm mingling with single ladies who can pay a full attention and concern upon carrier- related stuff. I feel lonely though I'm there in the crowd:'(

I wish there are other young mother and future mother for me to spend time with here.. A jackpot if her husband and mother are distance away either.. A lottery- winning if she's studying and working either..

It's not that my colleagues are treating me bad.. They'd been nice. They really are.. Nonetheless, at times, I desperately need a company who understand what a lady with the status of a wife actually feels, especially when her husband is not by her side.. A lady who is pregnant.. A lady who try her best to perform herself as a caliph and abid. A lady who is studying and working.. A lady who bear all these at the same time in an age considerably very young..

I've tried and trying my best for things to be decided as much as what I've seek the guidance from Allah for. Why would there be times when I can be so firm and sure about it and there would be times I hardly accept things happening in between or after? Why at times I can feel my heart and soul as bold as a steel and at times it turns into a fragile jelly?

I cried and cried the whole night. Praying and desperately bursting everything to Allah. I slept with swollen eyes and breaking heart last night..

This morning, as being planned since few days ago, I went to Pasar Pagi with Shida. We are actually making in into sort of a short jaulah.. My heart is still crying of which I first thought of not going. Nevertheless, I miss Shida, and the other akhwat of my usrah a lot.. They are one of the most heart- soothing gifts from Allah to me.. So I pulled my self up to join.

I bought nothing. But Shida brought a milk for me and she bought some fried mushrooms for us to eat. We walked through the crowd and headed to Maskam (Masjid Kampus i.e Campus Mosque). The pond inside is more beautiful this time where the pink lotus are blooming.. We sat at the edge of the pond, giving food to the fishes inside and chattering around.. I felt refreshed..

Out of nowhere, there was a little boy came standing close next to me. He was so excited seeing all the hungry fishes. I took him to sit on my lap, sharing with him the food to give to the fishes and hugged him tight for his safety.

Then a lady, carrying a baby boy with her came, "Mutar2 cari.. Kamu rupanya di sini ya..."

What a blessed lady with two charming little caliphs.. Subhanallah..

We had a conversation for a while as Mr. Abi then came to bring them home. She showed me how to eat under the niqab whilst holding the baby.. Need to practice that, I believe..

6- month pregnant Mbak Atika, 1- year old Zaid, 2- year old Ismail, and 5- month plus pregnant me~

Farami gave me a set of wall- stickers of which I pasted them right away once I got back home. I have garden of Sakura flowers and flying birds in my room now^^ I've been planning to do some drawing on bedroom wall, now my to- do- list is shortened..

I somehow feel rejuvenated. Grateful. Blithely grateful..
Jazakillah Shida.. Jazakillah Farami.. Jazakillah Mbak Atika.. Jazakallah Ismail and Zaid..

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah..

After my pathetic, so- called baby like crying and talk to Allah last night, He right away sent me a tender calmer a day after. Almost perfectly as what I've been wishing to have. And that definitely not the first time He grant me upon what I pray. Definitely amongst the uncountable gifts He showered me with through all my life based on everything I tell Him about or even I don't even have to do so..

Academically, I always get things that I want. Not perfect and indeed far from excellent, but things had always been pretty smooth fom me. Always.. I'm not that brilliant and genius girl like many others out there, but since I was little, I scored and managed to reach this and that on time. Shame on me to cry when there's a little thing in my life are not happening as splendid as I plan it to be. Especially when Allah actually is giving me another thing, more and more.. How much and how far do I actually able to define that the targets in my life are reached? It's all in the hand of Allah.. That's the reason for those tests from Allah. Teaching me and making be stronger, helping to erase if not much then a little sins I've done, Insya Allah..

Victory in life is not only about our joyous cheers in academic. It is, howbeit as part of the many other pieces in the jigsaw of life we have in proceeding to the real life ahead: hereafter, akhirah. We have other roles in this life too..

Garden next to my bed~

Allah knows better what we deserve to get at certain time and condition. Things are written there, safely kept by Him..

Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the- time put my 100% faith in You..
Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the time being an obedient slave for You..
Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the- time try my best to reach for Your love..
Forgive me O Rasulullah, for able not to all- the- time prove that I'm one of your Ummah who deserve your love and syafaat..

and forgive ummi, honey..

for able not to all- the - time being a strong ummi for you.

Beyond the definition of Love

2011-11-17T22:55:00.005+07:00

From Abu Hurairah r.a:

A man came to Rasulullah s.a.w and said,

O    Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship?

Rasulullah s.a.w said,

Your mother.

Then who?

Then your mother.

Then who?

Then your mother.

Then who?

Then    your father.

(narrated by Bukhari, Muslim) 

*****

Mother had always, always being one of the best role model to us. Superwoman, indeed she is.. Time passes, I learn to understand the hadith from Rasulullah s.a.w deeper, and definitely in a perspective I'd never had myself being in before..

Despite the fact that Rasulullah s.a.w able not to feel the touch of love from a mother for long, yet he realizes well how much a mother means to someone put myself in tears.. A noble prophet with a strong soul and heart, but most gentle at what is supposed to. More and more reason to fall in love with him..

We miss you O Rasulullah..

I miss you...

Now I realize how much bonding a mother actually happens to make with The Great Khaliq in bearing every single second in her life..

Allahuakbar.. Allahuakbar.. Allahuakbar..

Mothers may not jot mountain, ocean of things she has to face, to sacrifice, to struggle for the sake of her child; by the moment Allah lend her the trust, amanah to bear a creature for Him to whisper the precious soul, ruh inside her womb during her tough, very tough 9 months pregnancy, continued to the life and death moment of which a mother's sins is forgiven through the delivery and it's even possible for her to be awarded a gift of syahid for the reality of how heavy the task is, and raising that amanah at her best for many years, even after the child has his or her own family..

Nonetheless, Allah already dedicated and compile lots, lots, lots of memoir to be part of the diary of a mother in the Kalamullah, Al Quran..

"And We have enjoined upon man (care) for his parents.

His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness,

and his weaning is in two years.

Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the (final) destination."

(Luqman, 14)

Love letters from Allah for pregnant ladies (for mothers, for the parents) besides His truly beautiful gift of the lovely feeling in having the little caliph kicking and moving around inside.. Allah with His Great Generosity and Love is sweet, extremely sweet to mothers:')

What a huge and wonderful appreciation to mothers from Allah.. Subhanallah.. A gratitude from The Great Almighty towards His servant.. There it is, He deserves the greatest appreciation ever.

I slowly discover, if not much, then a little, what a mother really feels when her children hurts her feeling.. The running tears on her cheeks may not solely due to the actions done, but also because of everything she's been through for her child...

Love and respect our mothers in ways they truly deserved to, Insya Allah..

Ummi has no regret to sacrifice things for you Honey..

Yaqeen. Yaqeen. Yaqeen.

Lillahita'ala.

Every Little Thing

2011-10-26T22:43:00.003+07:00

It's my last week in Psycho-neurotic Department. Will have examinations tomorrow. By that, I have one week break of which I would want it to be spend wonderfully right; with things other than doctor- patient stuff, hospital thingy, clinical matters etc etc etc..

Tika informed about a Daurah in Jakarta of which I was extremely excited to go along. Khuruj is a traveling different from any other traveling, we all know that.. I asked permission from Abg and despite so so so many times I plead, Abg is being firm not to give me the greenlight to go. He's honestly, deeply worried about my condition..

No matter how much he coaxed me, no matter how much Hanim, Tika, and Shida comfort me, I still am in sorrow.. My heart turns gloomy..

Nak pergi:'(

Able not to focus, and crying alone in my room, sobbing in tears thinking about those things I'm facing with whilst being pregnant, I was suddenly "brought" to one video of Khalid al Waleed. The great Sahaba r.a who desperately wanted to die as a martyr. The best of commander, the best of fighter, one who has no fear, chasing for syahid on the battefield.

Howbeit, he died on his bed instead..

The deathbed of Khalid al Waleed

In sorrow, Khalid asked his friends,

"Do you see a space of the span of a hand, on my leg which is not covered by some scar of the wound of a sword or an arrow or a lance?

Don't you see?

I have sought martyrdom in hundreds of battle..

Why could I not have died in battle..?"

His friend replied, "You could not die in battle."

"Why not?"

(credit)

"You must understand O Khalid.. That when the Messenger of Allah, of whom be the blessings of Allah and peace, named you Sword of Allah, he predetermined that you would not fall in the battle. If you had been killed by the unbeliever, it would have meant that Allah's sword had been broken by an enemy of Allah..

And that could never be."

*****

There are things we may desperately, keenly been dreaming of, nevertheless it happens that those are not for us to have.. Allah knows better what we deserve to get. Or it's not that they are far beyond our reach, nonetheless, it's not the time yet, perhaps..

Allah had prepared us different part of "shares" fairly.

He's The Great Khaliq, He knows us tremendously well. He knows. I believe that.

Surely, there are ways for a lady in a state of pregnancy I'm bearing in now, to always, always, always, at least have the sprinkle of useful and strong role in the path of Allah, Biiznillah.

"Love ME, I will love you more"

2011-10-22T17:34:00.014+07:00

My previous morning weekends would usually be "rest- at- home" and bed rest whilst usrah would be held either in the evening or at night.. But last weekend was different. It was wonderful.. Very much indeed..

We had a Daurah of which is different from others which I managed to make myself present.

First Daurah attended as a married lady.. First Daurah attended as a pregnant lady..
And there was a truly great Murabbi came over. A person who I can see creating a great assets as a caliph in this dunnya, making those to be a splendid preparation for akhirah.. An indeed marvelous da'ie. Subhanallah..

Went there by Friday, had a self- pause for shift in the hospital on Saturday morning to evening, I joined the team back by night till Sunday.. Perhaps it's because of the great Murabbi, perhaps it's because of the huge liqa' I made myself getting in the circle with; amongst Malaysian akhwat studying in Yogyakarta, Jakarta, Bandung, Surabaya, and Malang, perhaps it's because of the rejuvenating cold, hill weather we have there on top of the Kaliurang, or perhaps it's because of the truly lovely treatments and privilege I got for being a pregnant lady (Jazakillah akhwat semua:') Dah masak2, belikan makanan, tolong macam2..),

one reason for sure- it's because of the Great Love and Bless from Allah to provide all those asbab, enables me to keep strong through the Daurah. I still experience nausea, still vomit but not as much as usual, and have a clean 3 nights record of waking up in the middle of the night without vomiting. Alhamdulillah..

"If you mention Allah in a gathering, Allah will mention you in a gathering better than yours."

(sahih Muslim)

I wonder and really pray for Allah to mention about me and include the little caliph inside my womb either.. He/ she had always been there amongst the liqa' I have, even as small as only between two people like between his/ her Abi and Ummi..

Allah is jotting a beautiful, meaningful story for you my dear Mr/ Miss Caliph, insya Allah..

Amin Amin Allahumma Amin..

Well.. I have two new usrah now.. Got two new groups of akhwat I'll be spending much time for liqa' and many, many other things.. Got a new Ummi and becoming a new Ummi for another girls.. More and more people Allah allow me to create a strong, tight bonding with. Fillah. Insya Allah..

Will deliver a topic entitled "Cinta" to my anak2 usrah tonight.. Can't wait to explore their impression when they first heard the tittle.

Well.. What's the first thing flashing in your mind when it comes to "LOVE" or "CINTA"?

Bantu aku Ya Allah, untuk menyentuh jiwa mereka,
sebagaimana telah Kau sentuh jiwaKu.. Amin..

A Radiant Building

2011-10-09T22:04:00.001+07:00

"Andai Islam seperti sebuah bangunan usang yang hampir roboh,maka akan aku berjalan ke seluruh dunia mencari jiwa-jiwa muda. Aku tidak ingin mengutip dengan ramai bilangan mereka, tapi aku inginkan hati-hati yang ikhlas untuk membantuku dan bersama membina kembali bangunan yang usang itu menjadi sebuah bangunan yang tersergam indah"

-Imam As-Syahid Hassan Al-Banna-

"If Islam is the old building which is about to fall down, then I will walk all over the world searching for the young souls. I won't be gathering them by their huge numbers, but I want sincere hearts to help me and together rebuild the old falling building becoming a building of a radiant beauty."
-Imam al-Shahid Hasan al-Banna-

No need to take huge topic to talk about; Israel- Palestine issue, Hudud issue, the Cavalry Church issue, etc etc etc..

And we don't have to go out to see how much we, ourselves had been pulling out the block of our precious building, making it brittle more and more.. Just open our laptop, and there's no need to google or find this and that website to see thing contributing to the crumbly effect towards Islam- just check our facebook. Frankly speaking, no need to search for non muslim pages. Just check on our friendlist.. Boys and girls of no limit in socializing- which is a great norm these days.. Dressing out of modesty according to Syara'.. And proudly exposing those..

:'(

The hidayah of Allah is a tremendously great treasure of which it won't reach us by us only waiting and expecting it to reach us by chance. Come, switch the button on. Grab the call. Open our heart, devote ourselves to Him, keep letting Him know how much we admit to our syahadah, to Him.. The more we ignore His call, the more He'll forget us.. Nauzubillah..

Lets improve ourselves towards a blessed betterment, and improve our religion.

Together. Rebuild the ummah. The strong, great ummah of Rasulullah s.a.w. Make this precious religion of Allah becoming an indeed beautiful radiant building.

GO GO GO!

Ummat Muhammad boleh~

"Ummi and Abi want you, honey"

2011-09-25T11:29:00.007+07:00

3 months ago, Allah grant us with one of the most wonderful ni'mat: the beautiful wedlock. Like many other newly- weds, I got heaps of question and request to share my just- married stories. Life twist from single becoming a wife, especially..

Astoundingly, there's a creature Allah lovingly sent to grow in my womb, as soon as I got married. Seems that it's a cocktail of becoming and Ahlia and Ummi story, I believe~

*****

One month plus of our marriage, as to have many convincing signs appearing (so- called freshly graduated medical degree person, huh), I have a self- checked for pregnancy.

Positive. Ironically, both the responses of Abg and me were not the typical cheering dramatic response of the happily ever- after couple..

Abg is quite fair, so his face had obviously turned red. I felt a strong hot flush on my face. We looked into each other, and there was quite a long pause in between. We've been planning to have baby once I've finished my clinical years. Once I officially get that "DR" tittle. Once Abg also come back to Malaysia for good.

I'm in Indonesia whilst Abg in Jordan within this two years. What will happen to me? Mak is certainly going to worry a lot about me.. What will happen to my clinical years? How many holidays I'm applying more soon? When will I exactly end up my clinical years and go back to Malaysia for good? What will the people say?

Mute. My heart cracked.. I let my hands held in his. I was all shivering.

Abg broke the silence by saying "Alhamdulillah" and hugged me tight.

"Wamakaru wamakarallah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah."

There I was, in him. Letting the warmth of him to rejuvenate me.
Bursting into tears. Crying...

*****

I stayed with my parents in- laws for the whole Ramadhan as Abg became the imam for the Terawih prayers in Penang and Kedah. Aidilfitri is one thing. But Ramadhan is the month long- awaited for the promises Allah listed up for. Pregnancy- related changes upon my body made me have this Ramadhan as the toughest one. I was disappointed as it was our first Ramadhan as husband and wife and there I was- morning sickness, nauseating, vomiting, getting dizzy, and exhausting.. And to complete the combo- I'm being moody.

I only managed to become the ma'mum of Abg for the whole 20 raka'at prayers on the 1st Ramadhan. 8 raka'at in several Ramadhan, and there were several nights I only sat at the back, going through the Al Quran, following Abg's recitation. Most of the nights anyway, I stayed, waiting to welcome Abg home. Putting all the might to have myself prepared, have the light meals, drinks, and bed ready to serve Abg once he reached home..

I couldn't afford to wake up for Tahajjud. There are times I got myself awake, seeing Abg praying. Once he's done, I would rest myself next to him, joining his zikr and du'a..

Many times though, I only able to look at him, sobbing in tears. Abg would have me close to him, and he would recite some surah to me, and to our baby. My rain- pouring heart would often has its sunshine everytime Abg does so. I like it best when Abg recite them in Ghamidi's and Sudais's recitation:')

This pregnancy, my extreme homesickness to my dear Mak, my non- stop thoughts about my clinical years are thawing just there as I let my mind and soul filled with the pleasant tranquility of the words of Allah...

*****

3rd day of our marriage, I got a high fever. The "real" spoiled Taufiqah had showed..

And now, Abg had to face the pregnant Taufiqah..

I'm not sure is it because of Mak's repeating admonitions before we get married,

"Adam.. Anak mak ni manja sangat2.. Ngada2.."

or is it because we are newly- weds, Abg always treats me so much like a precious princess.. Despite me being an easily crying girl, always throwing tantrum, moody and sulking, never did Abg raise his voice at me. Never did he nag at me. Instead, he always know the way to tame me, to make me melt, and put romance sparkling at most circumstances. Age does matter, as Abg is 5 years older than me, more mature I believe.

Abg loves calling me "Sayang yang cantik rupawan" since the 2nd day of our marriage, and eventhough I'm now pregnant; of which more often than not, I truly able not to make myself presentable and always look pretty for him *sobs*- Abg still calling me that way, even in sms:')

*****

I went to have my first ANC (Antenatal Care) in the clinic on 16th of August 2011. My baby's reaching 8th week of its fetal development. We went for my 1st USG the next day, 17th of August, 17th Ramadhan- Nuzul Quran. Abg was with me at first, but he got an urgent call once I was inside the room for my check up. Been lamenting for being a sick pregnant woman, and now I was left alone to have my first ANC- I was upset.

I have my belly scanned, and there it goes- a 2 cm, pea size creature is living in my uterus. Tears running down on my cheeks to especially see the obvious fast beating heartbeat of my own baby. I felt fortuitously happy and grateful that moment, I was and I am. Indeed. Abg flashed in my mind that moment. I was so excited. I miss him.

I'm happy that I'm becoming an "Ummi" later. Alhamdulillah:')

*****

Since the 1st early morning we have as husband and wife, Abg keeps our bed tidy every morning more often than I do. Abg helps me to cook when I'm able to and always cut the fruits for me.. He help to fold our cloths, iron them, and even pack my things.

He stayed for 5 days once I've started my practical back, keeping my chores in hand, sending and fetching me back- to- forth to hospital and much much more.. I'm now in the Eye department of which I have different subdivisions for shift each day. So there are lots, lots, lots and variety of stories would I have to share with him- about doctors, about myself, about the patients.

Yes, I'm a pregnant Taufiqah- keep nauseating, dizzy and stuff, but I'm still the bubbly, chatterbox Taufiqah. Huhu. Abg will listen carefully, like he always does, no matter how nothing- much- to- mention the thing is. A very composed and forbearing man, indeed he is.. Abg always has his wisdom words, often mixing with hadith and stories from Al Quran to relate with my stories.. I'm (so far) no longer a thirsty, excited reader as much as I am before, it's a jackpot to have stories narrated to me:')

*****

Now that he's in Jordan, I feel so much like a cast away.. Honestly, in this morning- sickness and no- appetite fettle, I become very fragile..

Alhamdulillah, most people around me who know I'm pregnant treat me wonderfully, especially my groupmates, housemates, batchmates, and indeed, I often feel blessed most upon having Hanim around..

She's my bestfriend since I'm single, and now she appears to take the role of Abg and Mak.. Buying me food, drinks, sweets, and keep showering me with her since- ever care and attention. If Abg's tagline would be "Sayang nak apa, bagitahu je Abg", Hanim's is "Pqa, you nak apa, bagitahu je I".. Hanim didn't leave me when I was drowning in my yesterdays, instead, and till now keep being one of the splendid strength for me to istiqamah in what I've decided.. Now here goes my Hanim, staying still with her loving solicitude, keeping this spoiled and fragile Bumil in sober sentiment:')

Jazakillah Hanim. Barakallah. Barakallah. Barakallah..
Alhamdulillah..

*Bumil: Short form for Ibu Hamil in Indonesia

*****

I have abundance of fearful thoughts and apprehensions in me.. About this pregnancy-bearing within moments I have to work a lot in hospitals, walk here and there, even riding on the rocky roads here... About my clinical's.. My study.. etc..

But I trust in Allah. Abg and me both believe that Allah definitely always know what is best for us to us, what is best for us to Him.. Whatever may come ahead, Allah knows the reason for such to happen.

ALLAHUMA'ANA.

"When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships."

Rasulullah s.a.w

(narrated by Bukhari)

Doakan kami..

Gift of Love from The Khaliq

2011-09-09T21:45:00.001+07:00

"So blessed is Allah , the best of creators."

(al Mukminun, 14)

O Allah.. It's so Beautiful..

2011-07-22T12:49:00.006+07:00

Been pretty busy these many weeks. My huge apologize to many people especially to Kak Sue and Kak Zai for till now, I haven't got the chance to have proper chat together. So so so sorry..

A very special thanks to Kak Zai for her lovely post on my wedding. Syukran:')

Most of my time is indeed spend with my husband. Busy.. But I'm loving it. Loving every moment in being with him..

My husband:')

Within this almost one month of our marriage, Abg and me are both busy traveling around.. Gombak, KL, Malacca, Kedah, Langkawi Island, Bandung, and now, currently at place I'm doing my study.Will be going back to Malaysia on this very 24th of July:)

There are hundredsss of photos. Those I uploaded in facebook are not even half of the collection. Sangat banyak..

25th of June 2011

Blessed 23 Rejab 1432

The solemnization and walimatul urus were both held at Masjid Ar Rahimah, Gombak.

The theme colour of my side was reddish- maroon. It was the 7th wedding in our family but this was the very 1st time where everyone in my family tree, in laws, nephews and nieces truly all dressed according to the theme colour^^

Before the akad

My wedding veil, the red rose wedding bouquet, the white roses for flower girls to hold, and the decorations for the "hantaran" were made by myself.. The wedding garment was designed by me, framed by Mbak Naia (a young tailor in Yogya), and I sewed the laces and flowers all over my dress all by myself:) I did the make up on my own either. I actually bought fake eyelashes, then I discovered it's haram.. Sobs. Gave to Clemency..

Alhamdulillah:')

Mak was the Lady of the day whilst Abah was the respected "wali" of the day:')

3 times for Abg to had his lafaz done. 1st time wasn't valid as the imam claimed that it wasn't clear.. 2nd time they put a microphone but also not valid as Abg said "dengan mas kahwin" instead of "dengan mas kahwinnya". This should be a good tips for future husbands I believe^^

Our very first time being so close and our first touch:')

My favorite moments...:')

The moment Abg came to hand me "Dinar Emas" as the "mas kahwin" and for us to exchange our wedding rings were such a shivering moment for both Abg and me. Abg's hands obviously shaking of which people around teased him a lot on that.. I laughed on that either. Inside, My heart was actually heavily shaking..

We'd never been as close as such. Never talk face to face as such.. It was a wonderful moments to have my hands in his.. Subhanallah:')

Blushing moments~

Our first time eating next to one another. Blushing moments.. Blush. Blush. Blush. We splurted whatsoever words and sentences. Huu.. It took us some period of time to be able to chat properly. Malu sangat.. Tapi control macho sikit~

Blessed gifts, indeed:')

Part of the 7 dulang hantaran..
It's great when most of what I wish for my wedding happened in reality. Alhamdulillah:')

My flower girls^^ Sumayyah and Sufia..

Sufia is 2 years old and Sumayyah is 1 year old plus. It's hard to get little honey- bunny of their age to do things the way I planned them to. Nonetheless, their cuteness were tender enough to be the bright flowers of the day^^

Pray for us:)

O Allah..
I'm honestly in love..

The Silhouette of Nikah

2011-06-13T07:38:00.015+07:00

I'm scared.. Allah knows how much my heart and soul are shivering now..

Thinking of the responsible, the huge responsible as a wife. As the 2nd leader of a great ship..

Scared. Excited.Worry.Yaqeen.Bliss.

Bliss, here in and here after. Amin. Amin. Allahumma amin..

I prepared numbers of things on my own for my wedding.. I always love D.I.Y thingy. There are things I believe I can do it by myself instead of buying or getting others to do for me, so I go for it. My heart blooms like a morning glory having to see my own works and an indeed the good part is, getting myself busy for "Taufiqah- handcraft- time" helps to calm my trembling heart and put a spark of excitement in me^^ Alhamdulillah..

I made the wedding card by myself..
I made the roses for the decoration of the gifts i.e hantaran for him and for the flower girls to hold:)

I sew my own wedding veils. Been putting it on so so many times.. Ish.

I designed and altered my own wedding garments:)

I design and altered the gowns for the flower girls:)

nanti dapat jadi princess^^

I've long planning of having my personal wedding garments i.e not rented, as to keep the garments worn in one of the most beautiful and blessed day in my life would be such a tender value.. Like the old folks, of which the can show it to their children and even grandchildren.. Like how Mak did either:)

My wedding garments are done, Alhmdulillah.. Nonetheless, my housemates said that they look too simple and plain.. "It's once in a lifetime event~". Hurm.. I know.. Nevertheless, even before I dress the way I am now, I'm indeed not the kind who prefer those eye- catchy type of clothes.. Indisputably is, I love feminine, sweet and pretty cloth, but it's a no- no for me to wear anything so blink- blink.. I always opt for beautiful but simple one, at least in my own preferences. Baiklah.. Baiklah.. Will consider for an extra decorations, shiny bead, perhaps. It doesn't make me feel good if people feel pathetic in seeing me during my wedding.. Huu..

I try my best to involve in the wedding, not wanting to burden Mak and Abah, and my family. There's a guilt in me that I'm getting married whilst studying.. I believe it's not wrong to say that I can financially help them better if I get married during the time I already am working.. Hence, there are lots of things I volunteered myself to handle the expenditures on my own.. Still, Mak and Abah don't let me be the so- called independent baby.. Thank you Mak.. Thank you Abah..:')

And really, it's not only the fact that I want things to be descent and simple and not wanting to be too much on the expenditures.. It's about being moderate.. To be frank, honestly, deep inside, as many of the girls are; I dream of a grand, wonderful wedding. Full of beautiful decorations, fresh roses filling the environment. Dream of wealth~

Nevertheless, we have options in our life. We can choose. About our life, our plans, and the partner of our life; fiddunia wal akhirah. And I believe the best way to make decisions is with the guidance of Allah, and the teaching of Rasulullah s.a.w. Rasulullah s.a.w asked us to always be moderate.. Even in our ibadah.. And besides all of the other things, the main to highlight is the marriage itself.. Marriage is ibadah..

Somehow, directly or indirectly; we are preparing more for the wedding rather than the marriage, don't we..?

To be honest, I don't have such adamant assuredness that I'm now a well- prepared individual Muslim to be a wife, to step on the upper stair.. Howbeit, Wamakaru wamakarallah.. I have faith in Allah. A hefty and solid confidence in Him and His promises, especially in this matter, His promises about marriage.

May Allah provide us His best of Guidance, His best of protection, and His great bless for the stand of this Baitul Muslim. May it always, always, always be in such ways that is best for us to us, best for us to Allah. May it able to bring good to our Deen, to the ummah.

Amin. Amin. Allahumma Amin..

Bliss. Bliss. Bliss

2011-05-28T21:28:00.028+07:00

Ma'al Hijrah, 7th of December 2010

Many asked me things on how I decided upon this and that.. Till how I appear to be now.. I can't say which is the exact point, nonetheless, the du'a I recited for Ma'al Hijrah this time gave a strong frisson in my veins.. The meaning of both the end and opening du'a of the year gripping my soul so hard.. There was somewhat a switch being turned on in me.. My soul drenched in regret, in guilt, in gloominess to think how not- that- beautiful my life had been through all this years..

To Allah.. To Rasulullah.. To my family.. To myself..

I want to make a new "book" about me. Fill with beautiful stories to proudly present to Him. To Allah..

I performed istikharah for the 1st time on one matter that I actually had long realized is forbidden in Islam, yet very very common to us.. I finally made a strong and firm decision on letting go something I've been clinging on a lot within these 2 to 3 years.. Something so wonderful yet consciously or subconsciously dragging me away from The One. The Almighty. Allah.

Despite Emak, Abah, my family, and certain friends being very happy on my decision, I was actually very down.. I cried a lot within so so so many days, weeks.. Indeed fragile.. Nevertheless, there were people who stayed by my side.. Family, especially dear Emak and friends.. Supporting me for good. Keeping me strong. Upon the decision I've made. Upon myself.

Alhamdulillah:')

Friday, 31st of December 2011

Ain invited me to join Daurah they were having that day.. It was a coincidence. A great coincidence. We bumped into each other at the parking area. Both of us were going back home. I wonder if either one of us left the area earlier.. Allah's arrangement was indeed beautiful.. The big topic is "SAYONARA JAHILIYAH".

Indeed, farewell jahiliyah..

Thank you O Allah.. Thank you so much...

That was the very 1st time I joined Usrah with such a truly open and welcoming heart.. Different from any other Usrah I had previously.. More and more Daurah joined then, till now. Alhamdulillah.. Jaulah, rehlah.. I have my own Usrah members which I dear them so much.. I have my own Naqibah, which are also my friends.. Sayang Tika dan Dib baaaanyak sangat~ I have numbers of Murabbi.. Being away from parents, from family, that happened to be an indisputably comfortable security for me..

I also made new friends with numbers of wonderful people online. Teaching and sharing me lots of things, improving my understanding on many things.. They never met me, but their supports and care are amazing. Allah bless them. Amin Amin Amin..

I was slowly taught to wear socks and hand-socks especially by my very dear Hanim.. I gradually learned wearing long and loose garments.. Gradually put away thin and short hijab.. My wardrobe slowly replaced with long blouses and Jubah..

Slowly learn to instill the Mujahadah. Not only for myself, but also for my deen, for the ummah. Fillah!

Tarbiyyah itu tak semuanya mudah..

Tapi indah dengan apa yang ada padanya, darinya:')

Alhamdulillah:')

Monday, 24th of January 2011

I have an enormously strong feeling of putting on a long hijab and niqab. It's like, having such feeling to get the attention of Allah.. I put lots of effort to make human love me more and more.. It embarrassed me to think how little I've done in securing Allah's attention and love towards me..

The feeling got stronger after watching a video of "Rasulullah menangis di Padang Masyar".. I believe Rasulullah will cry either if he knows and sees me in such an inproper way.... Astaghfirullahhal'azim.........

I actually have Forensic's paper the next day but I spent my time out almost the whole day looking for cloth, niqab, and sewing the hijab.. I bursted into tears to see me in such a way.. Way so different from the previous me..

But there it is, to wrap myself in such garments; loose and long dropping on my body, my heart blooms and my soul somewhat rejuvenating.. Feel like something great is hugging me..

Alhamdulillah:')

Friday, 11th of February 2011

Mak called and told me about a talk she had with someone.. A serious talk.. My blood runs high to my heart at its highest peak upon the matter..

The khitbah..

My heart touched a lot and I somehow scared.. I've known this guy since 2005. But during the early days, I only knew him by stories from my brothers. About his kindness, his Quran recitation, his performance in study, etc.. He was also Abah's student. Abah's favourite student to be exact.. Abah and Mak praised him a lot either.. My family all know this guy and all these years, they never stop talking almost every inch of details about him.. Lebih- lebih lagi Kak Nun dan Kak Nah.. Ish ishhhh...

Time for istikharah and mesyuarah..

To Allah I leave everything to. Everything.

Anything which is best for me to me, anything which is best for me to Allah..

Maulidur Rasul, 15th of February 2011

I told Mak and Abah that I accepted his Khitbah..

I'm now booked.

I know my future husband, but not that well.. I've talked to him numbers of time, talking on things, but not in depth. I even had never sit next to him.. But I believe in Allah. I have my whole faith in Allah.

We used to see each other several times though.. The 1st time we met was in 2006 when he came to our house to celebrate Abah's birthday.. The 2nd time we met was in 2007 when he helped to drive Mak, Kak Nah, and Ujang to visit me in Sepang when I was doing my A- Level.. The 3rd time, and the last time so far, was in 2008 when he brought his family to our house during Hari Raya..

How time flies.. Now it's 2011..

The 4th time for us to meet is later, during our wedding day on June..

Friday, 11th of March

OSCE Compre result had been announced. Was amongst half of my batch whose selected to enter the 1st wave of our clinical rotation. It's a jackpot to me indeed.. Alhamdulillah.. 1st wave starts the rotation almost few months earlier compared to the 2nd wave and 3rd wave.. Means later I can request for a break to get married and it won't cause me to end my practical too late.

Exceedingly grateful with the arrangement by Allah:') There are tests and difficulties here and there, but honestly, in every bit of it, I can see and feel how great Allah's love and mercy is.. Rabbi Yassir wala Tua'assir..

Alhamdulillah:')

Friday, 18th of March 2011

My engagement..

Meeting his family for the 2nd time.. My family knows his family better than me as they've met several times before.. Tak aci~

Having an ice- breaking session with them.. I realized that it wasn't only a ta'aruf between him and me.. It's also between his family and me, also his family and my family..

They are nice.. Very nice indeed.

Forgive me for not informing about the engagement earlier.. I don't think it's proper to spread it out too soon..

"Rahsiakan pertunangan dan war-warkan tentang perkahwinan."(Hadith riwayat Ahmad dari Abdullah bin Zubair r.a, dan disahihkan oleh al-Albani di dalam Irwa’ al-Ghalil)

Time to start preparing my self, preparing things for the standing of my Baitul Muslim..

Alhamdulillah:')

*****

To those who ask me about couple or any kind of man- woman relationship before marriage, my answer is explicitly assured in asking you to leave it, or stay away from it..

Allah tak mengharamkan perasaan cinta.. Allah tak mengharamkan kita menzahirkan cinta.. Tapi Allah haramkan kalau kita pakai cinta tu dengan cara yang salah, pada orang yang salah, iaitu orang yang tak halal bagi kita..

Don't be scared about what human may say or think if what you decide is what is certainly the way Allah wants things to be.. We may be ashamed to ask for Allah's forgiveness but it's more shameful to continue doing something Allah hates.. People may not forget what we've done but put our faith in Allah.. It's His judgement that matters most..

"Tidak ada seorangpun yang meninggalkan keburukan yang ia rasakan nikmat, hanya kerana Allah, kecuali ia pasti menemukan gantinya dari Allah."
(Ibnu Sirin)

Allah dah cakap kan, kalau kita bertaubat dengan sebenar- benar taubat, pintu ampunan Dia terbuka luuuuuuaaaas sangat.. We can't determine how much Allah accept our prayers, our taubat, but don't stop trying..

Iman manusia turun naik, kita sama2 usaha jaga waktu iman turun, dan gunakan sebak- baiknya waktu iman tu naik.. Insya Allah..

If there's something flashing in your mind that you think you should do, something which is what Allah likes, something Rasulullah teaches us to do so, then just do it. Don't hesitate. We never know what Allah actually prepares for us later:))

Ummat Muhammad boleh~!

*****

I've answered questions from certain people here, especially about my change, and also about my status.. Huhu..

Minta maaf sangat mana yang pqa lambat jawab.. Sorryyyyyy....

I owe Kak Izyan about books recommend for ladies to read and Kak Umu about soy bean.. Will answer it by chance given by Allah later, Insya Allah..

I'm having an examination next week.. Can't wait to end Forensic Department^^

A wonderful Beauty

2011-05-08T22:17:00.005+07:00

When I was 5, I wanted to be 9..

To join in the so- called cool friends playing outdoors..

When I was 9, I wanted to be 13..

To get in the so- called grown up secondary school..

When I was 13, I wanted to be 17..

To feel the tremendously famous sweet 17 life..

When I was 17, I wanted to be 24..

That's the age I planned to get married since I was kindergarten..

Now I'm 23..

I wish I can be younger..

To have Emak waking me up in the morning.. Asking me to perform my fajr prayer.. And even bathing me..

Preparing Nasi Lemak, karipap, or kuih Koci for breakfast..

Serving donut, cakes, or at least keropok for tea time..

Indulging us with finger- licking good lunch and dinner..

To have two types of mee goreng or nasi goreng: either satu pedas, satu kurang pedas.. Or satu ada seafood and belacan, satu tak ada seafood and belacan.. So much for having a dozen of kids with some of them having allergic on certain things.. And yes, fussy on certain things..

To have Emak telling me stories, and hear me talking like a chatterbox, non stop pouring things out..

To have Emak sewing our baju raya and even beautiful flowery and lacey pyjamas..

To have Emak teaching me how to cook this and that lauk, how to bake this and that cakes and kuih muih..

To have Emak making biskut raya and let me be the 2nd chef..

Too much to list all......

Mak.. Pqa sedih dulu2 pqa dapat baju "tak berapa cantik" sebab (kena) beralah dengan Kak Nun, Kak Nah, and even Baby and Darling.. Tapi pqa lagi sedih teringat previously, bila pqa dapat pilih sendiri baju, pqa tak pilih yang "proper".. Proper for a muslim girl.. Dah buat mak lagi sedih.. Pqa minta maaf sangat:'(

Mak.. Pqa sedih bila mak dan semua somehow push pqa on things.. Tapi pqa lagi sedih bila sedar pqa degil atas benda yang tak sepatutnya.. Dah buat mak lagi sedih.. Pqa minta maaf sangat:'(

Now I'm 23..

I wish I can be younger..

But I want time to move the way it indeed is should.. So I can continue improving myself and grabbing all the chances to please my dear Emak.. Make you happy.. Make you proud..

And for I want to be a mother too..

And do all those beautiful things you've done as one.

To be a wonderful mother- Like you.

Mak adalah emak yang paaaaaaling best di dunia~

Pqa sayang Mak..

Saaaaaaayang sangat2..

*Happy Mother's Day*

"Dan Kami perintahkan kepada manusia (berbuat baik) kepada dua orang ibu bapanya;ibunya telah mengandungnya dalam keadaan lemah yang bertambah- tambah, dan menyapihnya dalam dua tahun. BERSYUKURLAH KEPADAKU DAN KEPADA KEDUA ORANG IBU BAPAMU, HANYA KEPADAKULAH KEMBALIMU." (Al-Luqman, 14)

Doctor for Doctor

2011-04-22T17:14:00.005+07:00

Selsema, demam, batuk, sakit kepala..

Yesterday was a wonderful day to me, eventhough I was terribly sick.

Morning routine, operations time~ I got myself involved fully in 3 surgeries and being an observer in several others. 2 of those were pediatric cases; Hernia and Axillary tumor. My hands were pretty numb as I've been doing face- mask and bagging for both of the operations. A little exhausting. Nevertheless, we had new residents (senior doctors who's in practical to be a specialist) for surgery that day. Like usual, all of them are male doctors, but this time, more mature. They love teasing on things, but the good part is, they do teach me so so many things and talk a lot of which creating a less stressful condition..

On the evening, I went to the Emergency Unit and have the doctor there checked me up. I sat in front of the doctor, say nothing, looking at him dengan muka kesian..

"Fiqa, kenapa?"

"Tolong periksa.. Sakit.."

He laughed.

He smiled all the time he checked me up.

One of the surgery resident was also there. Quite embarrassed.
He called up my name, and all I could do was smile weakly and waved at him.

Rasa sangat lembik.. Malu.....

I had my throat being checked, my temperature, etc.. All the things I, myself did to other patients except that he could prescribed me medications of which I still can't as that's not my competencies yet..

At night, Nani asked me what do I want to eat for dinner, I couldn't name any. No appetite for anything. Adeline told me that I should eat anything I feel like eating, they'll try to get it. I simply said Pizza, of which it's actually pretty hard as we don't have transport to go around here and we are so new to this placeT_T Suddenly Joshlyn and Kak Wan Nab came and handed us strawberry juice and Pizza. Smoke Chicken BBQ~ Terima kasih Ya Allah~ Nani went back a while later, bringing back isotonic drink, chicken satay and fried mushroom. Semangat makan. Sedap. Orang belanja pulak tu.. Alhamdulillah:')

No operations on Friday. Besides consuming lots of drugs, I did have lots of sleep. Ish.. Did homework with Adeline and Bowo, and went to do pre operation visits by 2pm to 4.430pm. I didn't join the cito (on call for emergency operation) going on right now.. Went back to get myself refreshed. Will go to Emergency Unit after this.

I've just read one letter posted by a husband to a doctor about HO in Malaysia. It freaks and upsets me especially that I'm now sick..

"Budaya kerja doktor tidak menyihatkan"

It's not a new thing actually.. We are all well informed about it as I've been hearing the same thing since years, years, years ago.. Tsk.

Here, I don't sense things I've been hearing a lot in Malaysia, at least that's what I've been experiencing so far.. Alhamdulillah, the hospital I'm placed now is such a bless from Allah. The doctors, even the specialists are very nice. They guide and teach us things in ways I feel my self very much comfortable with. Even the nurses, with 25 years of experience are also truly wonderful and humble. Besides teaching me things (the experienced nurses also help the residents, and I never see them teaching them in such arrogant manner..), they even love to share me tips on gaining more weight and about marriage.. Ho Ho.

We doctors are human too, don't we? We do need "doctors" for ourselves, no matter in what aspect.. Setiap dari sifat Allah tu ada sikit (sikit sangat2) pada setiap hambanya.. Salah satu kan adalah sifat Allah yang Maha Penyembuh.. A tiny little part of that is within us, within you, within me. Respect, love, and try our best to understand each other..

Insya Allah..

A Caliph to A Caliph

2011-04-12T20:08:00.007+07:00

Waking up as early as 3.30am, meeting Him, revising things, getting ready, take small breakfast, prepare some meal as my lunch in a tupperware, then make myself presents in the Anesthesiology department at 6.30am.. Went back home at 4pm..

At night, revising things, and sleep around 10pm..

And the cycle goes..

By this Thursday, besides the usual 6.30am to 4pm (certain days would be 2pm) schedule, there'll be On Callsss, i.e staying in my department by 2pm to 7am on my scheduled duty..

**********

I was quite upset to see Hanim went to our Liqa' yesterday with Alia and Ruhi.. I miss our usrah.. I especially miss Hanim, Tika, and adik2 usrah yang menyejukkan mata memandang.. Tika is also in the 1st wave, but she's in a different group, hence different department.. Being away from these two ladies I feel my heart and my soul are so much attached with is honestly harder than I ever thought it'll ever be:'( Ada hikmah Allah "pisahkan" Pqa dengan Hanim dan Tika.. I believe Hanim will do great in her remedial. Will definitely see her in the next 2 months, Insya Allah! Praying for the rest of my other housemates either.. Allahumma amin..

I was quite upset that I hardly can perform religious routine I usually do.. No more tahajjud the way I love to have.. I cry of pitying myself able not to present myself as whole to Him instead of the usual long story- telling and sobbing cry with Him.. I miss those moments.. I miss talking a lot to Him.. Telling Him all that I feel. All that I want to share. I always have stories to pour out to. Anything. Everything....

:'(

Wondering..

Is it true, 24 hours is enough for a day...?

Is being a doctor is wrong as I seem to able not to fully devote myself to Him...?

**********

There's a story about Caliph Umar bin Abdul Aziz, the great leader entitled as the 5th Khulafa' Ar Rasyidin which is famously known upon his righteousness.

Story about a responsible and time..

At that time, the caliph was just laying down to take a rest after the death ceremony of the former caliph, Sulaiman bin Malik. Just as he laid himself down, a 17 year- old young man approached him and asked,

"What are you going to do O Amirul Mukminin?"

"Allow me to take a nap. I'm extremely exhausted till there's almost no might left in me."

"Are you going to sleep before you actually return things you've taken by force from the owner, O Amirul Mukminin?"

"By the time of Zuhr, I'll return those things to the respected owners."

"Who give you a guarantee that you are still alive till the time past this Zuhr, O Amirul Mukminin?"

*The young man who gave such a rejoinder is Abdul Malik, the prince of Caliph Umar bin Abdul Aziz himself..
Like father like son.. Masya Allah..*

**********

A king to a human is actually his heart. A caliph. We are created by The Great Al Khaliq as two:

To perform ibadah to Him, and to be a caliph.

Each of us is a caliph with respected specialties, assets, and strength. Allah Maha Adil. Maha Pemurah. Maha Mengetahui. Maha Bijaksana. Segala galanya.. He knows best what characteristics and assets fit us most. He knows what we are able to take. He knows what we deserve to have.. He knows best what we should take and do..

Fortune from Allah can be istidraj, Nauzubillah.. One of the way to avoid this is to take care of the caliph within us.. Our heart.

"The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a fear in their hearts and when His Verses (this Qur'an) are recited unto them, they (i.e. the Verses) increase their Faith; and they put their trust in their Lord (Alone)."

(Al Anfal, 2.)

My personal most favorite book. The best of book with the best of references. About anything, everything..

Look in the mirror, ask ourselves; we, the caliph on this face of earth:

"O Amirul Mukminin, how good have I use the time I have and do the responsible I should actually do?"

Let's try our best, try to the fullest to use what He blessedly pour us with.
Make those as asbab, as wasilah to make us worth created by Him.
Worth to live as what He selected as for.
Make any tests, gloominess, or difficulties lies within as a motivation to polish our assets.

To make He loves us more and more..

FILLAH! LILLAHITA'ALA!

GO GO GO!

Pouring Me More and More

2011-04-08T22:27:00.004+07:00

It's my birthday~

Abah and Mak woke me up with sms and call this morning.. So touched and happy.. Two people respectively selected by Allah to be the asbab for my existence in this world..

Thank you Allah.. Thank you so much..

For they are indisputably are amongst the truly great bless ever in my life!

Alhamdulillah:')

*****

Went to "Jolly" with Clemency by noon to late evening.. Had a good time shopping and window shopping~ Long, long, long time haven't had a date with her.. The last time was in 2010 when we had our facial together.. It's such an indeed a wonderful bless to have such a lovely non muslim friend like her. The differences we have in our faith and the way we dress put no boundaries towards our friendship:')

*****

Had a beautiful dine:)

My dear housemates planned a birthday celebration for me in Pastajhio. I love my housemates, more than I can really tell them.. We've been together for years.. We've been through laugh and tears.. Dealing with all the good and bad of each other:')

Housemates^^

Went back home, spent more bonding time with my dear bestfriends Ana and Hanim.. And I was pretty excited over doing some make up. Thank you Ana darling for being my Barbie Doll^^

Birthday cards:) From Ana. From Hanim and Tika.

Hanim and Tika's wise, wonderful words:')

Indeed a beautiful gift from Hanim and Tika:') 4 in 1 package of great books~

*****

Almost 400 birthday wishes in my facebook~ No matter how simple the wishes are, they still are a prayer.. Praying for those wishes to be granted to all of you as well. Amin Amin Allahumma amin..

*****

The bless and gifts of Allah are too much to be listed on.. Beyond my ability to ever note those one by one.. Too wide. Everything. Nevertheless I know, one of those are those people I have around me, close to me, linking me the love from Allah.. Alhamdulillah..

****

Another birthday of mine.. Another year of my life being deducted.. Reminiscing those I've done before, those I've passed through, those chances I've had and missed..

Yet another year Allah blessed me with.. To reach for more and more chances and promises from Him, The Most Generous, Most Loving..

Alhamdulillah..

I need My Guardian

2011-04-06T17:03:00.004+07:00

It's the last day of my orientation for the clinical rotation.. Except for the 1st day, the rest of the other days are of which I've been having these gloomy feeling deep inside..

I don't know who I can actually talk to.. Express my feeling to..

Feel like wearing a mask of a happy care- free face whilst having such a crying, shivering heart inside:'(

Rasa nak bawa bekal, picnic dekat tepi air terjun........

Indeed, Allah knows how much I'm very grateful and happy for being selected to enter the 1st wave of Ko'as. I'm excited as much as how I'm all bubbled upon any wonderful thing can ever happen to me..

Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah..

Nonetheless, I'm scared..

Very scared..

My first department would be Anesthesiology and Reanimation, starting this Monday..

Rabbi yassir wala tuassir..

O Allah.. I need You.. As I always do, always.

In every second that the clock ticks.In every breath that I take.. In every detail of life that I have..

You are the Best of Guardian.. With The Best of Care and Love..

You own me, everything of me.

To You I serve my soul, my heart, my life to.

Taufiqah takmo nangis dah. Taufiqah kuat. Kuat. Kuat. Kuat!

GO GO GO!

With Allah's Great Love and Mercy

2011-04-02T23:21:00.013+07:00

Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah..

Absolutely not in Malaysian spelling~

Officially entitled as "Doktor Muda" on the very blessed Friday, 1st of April.. During our "Janji Doktor Muda" i.e Ko'as oath ceremony, I somehow finally had a proper and significant head- shot realizing me about my big responsibility.. This clinical rotation is not mainly about having our practical for educational purpose or for the sake of completing our bachelor as whole, but it's also about taking a responsibility to actually be a medium in treating illness or diseases..

People whose job is actually to become the medium for the asbab upon

the real one and only one Great Healer:

ALLAH.

Doctors may look nerd and serious.. But indeed, we do laugh and play like others:)

Tak ada salji dekat sini, tapi ada banyak bakti:)

Pegang hati dan jiwa kami Ya Allah, dengan sebaik baik pegangan dariMu..

Mantapkan hati dan jiwa kami dalam melaksanakan amanah untukMu..

Bantu kami memberi manfaat dengan menggunakan kelebihan kami dariMu..

Sokong kami untuk sentiasa menjadi lebih baik dan sentisa berada dalam redhaMu..

Ikhlaskan diri kami dan sucikanlah niat kami..

Jangan Kau biarkan kami mengerjakan tanggungjawab kami dan menjalani kehidupan kami tanpa jagaanMu walaupun sedetik..

Allahumma amin..

Of Chores & Six not to get Sick

2011-03-24T15:13:00.013+07:00

Made rainbow cake yesterday.. Not really a rainbow cake as I only used several colourings could be found in the cabinet.. It happened to be pretty sweeter than usual..

Mak cakap orang darah manis, kek jadi manis-_-

Hurm.. Everytime buat kek, mesti rasa nak buka cake house nanti..

Mak tought me how to sew using sewing machine yesterday.. I always prefer to sew manually, yes- by hand.. I even manually sew one of my jubah.. Nonetheless, trust me, it seems that sewing machine did a huge assistance..

Terima kasih Mak sebab ajar & yakinkan anak mak yang penakut pakai mesin jahit ni.

I made two pieces of round, long hijab and 6 two- pieces niqabs for myself:)
Bangga sikit dengan diri sendiri:))

*****

I'm replying a comment on one of my post which popped out into questions which I believe the person knows it already, howbeit to jot it here would perhaps will do good if not much than a little to anyone out there and indisputably is to me either..

"6 Prinsip"

6 Principals

Or also known as 6 Sifat.. Basically, these are the conclusion of 6 life principal and practice of the Salafussoleh i.e Sahaba r.a.. I believe many of us know this already.. I won't convey the muzakarah upon this, as I realize many people around knows far better about this, malu je nanti..

Nevertheless, I would stress here that there is no doubt that that these are the qualities of the Salafussoleh of which we should work ourselves to have them either. Why?

"Kerana dengan 6 prinsip inilah yang bawa kepada kesempurnaan agama

& kejayaan hakiki di dunia & akhirat."

1. Believe in the kalimah Lailahaillallah Muhammadurrasulullah

"There is none worthy of worship but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah."

2. A devoted and full of obedience Solah

(Solat yang khusyu' & khudu')

Perform solah at its best. Take a very good care of it and bring out the good in solah outside of the solah.. You see, if you want to know the quality of one's solah, see the akhlaq and characteristics of the person and vice versa..

3. Knowledge and Zikr

(Ilmu dan Zikir)

Knowledge refers to the ability to know and differentiate which should be prioritized on for both amar ma'ruf nahi mungkar.. Zikr helps us to create and maintain our bonding with Allah, anytime and anywhere..

"Apa2 yang dapat membantu kamu menjawab soalan kubur,
itulah dikatakan ilmu."

4. Glorifying amongst the muslims

(Ikramul Muslimin)

Respect our brothers and sisters in Islam.. Keep and care for their rights.. Help those in needs.. Kita bersaudara..

"Ayahku, bangsaku adalah Islam"

(Salman al Farisi)

5. Generous intention

(Ikhlas niat)

Whatever we do, expect none in return but Allah. For Allah..

6. Invite and spread about Islam

(Da'wah & Tabligh)

One thing to highlight is please, don't match these two words specifically and directly to those wearing jubah, kurta, serban, long hijab, niqab, etc etc etc typical so- called orang kuat agama perceptions..

We are muslims. We have the responsible on our syahadah.
We don't confess syahadah for nothing, don't we?

To say, "Aku bersaksi", means we are confessing ourselves as a witness. Witness to The Almighty. Witness to Him. To His Deen. Witness to anything, everything within.. We have the responsible to prove what we've said in our syahadah, when we confess that Allah is the one and only God and Muhammad is His messenger..

Insya Allah..

Sahaba r.a are these Salafussoleh talked about. Howbeit, what we actually refer to when we talk about Salafussoleh?

There are 5 groups or levels of people with kalimah syahadah..

Muslim

This is somewhat in the lowest level. Lowest doesn't mean nothing.. It somehow refers to group who "do the least".. Everyone who confess upon kalimah syahadah are muslims.. Be it one who really obey amar ma'ruf nahi mungkar or otherwise..

Mukmin

Higher than muslim. These are those with and even more polished iman and amal.. Better and firmer.

Muqarrabin

Higher than the previous above.. These are those of which able to put their heart, mind and soul into their solah and they can really feel the sweetness of their solah and ibadah.. Everything related to Allah- everything, give significant effect towards them. They have a truly noble akhlaq, zuhud, and very generous..

Mukhlisin

Higher.. Golongan yang ikhlas.. Well.. This is not the typical generosity we may be such.. Mukhlisin are those who have generosity beyond what can be explained.. What they do are indeed for the one and only, Allah.. Truly, deeply Fillah..

Salafussolah

Higher than all I've listed above. Higher which means they have all the characteristics of groups of people above, but far, far, far better and they have more, more, and more qualities.. Their life is for Allah. World is nothing but merely a tool for them to rush for the hereafter i.e akhirat.. For these people, golds and sands are the same..

That's how Abu Bakar r.a for example, managed to donate all- all of his properties fi sabilillah.. He left nothing but Allah and Rasulullah to his family.. That's how those ill equipped 313 people in the Battle of Badr with only several horses and 70 camels managed to fight against well- equipped 1000 men of kafirun, with 100 horses, and 700 camels..

That's Salafussoleh. The top of the cream..

Sahaba r.a are the respected Salafussoleh given the tittle of Radiallahu Anhu which means "Allah is pleased with him/ her" of which shows that Allah please with (redha) and bless their life. People deserve most to be made as reference and role model after the Prophets.. It's their way of life that we should try to follow and educate ourselves with..

"My Sahaba are like stars in the sky, follow them, you surely won't get lost".

(Rasulullah s.a.w)

Embarrassed to compare myself with any of the Sahaba r.a..

Beruntungnya mereka.. Mulianya mereka..

The Sahaba r.a are the ummah of Rasulullah. We are also the ummah of Rasulullah.

Insya Allah,

ALLAHU MA'ANA!

Expect The Unexpected

2011-03-21T14:56:00.009+07:00

Been vacationing myself away from this blog for this break is indisputably is a wonderful and worth to be one of the most meaningful break ever. Alhamdulillah:))

*****

By the time I reached home last 2 weeks, abah wasn't at home. Khuruj in Sri Petaling then gash around Gombak.. Abah often messaging me, asking me to tasykil my baby brother, Adeq.. He's the 13th in my family, the youngest one. Sangat manja..

I don't know what is the best words to use. You see, sometimes, it's hard to tasykil our own family. Ok. May be not you, but indeed is to me.. Bukan orang yang ditasykil yang cair, orang yang mentasykil ni yang cairT_T

On 12th of March, I went out to meet friends I know from this blogging thingy. 3 of them. We met in Zoo Negara. Hee. Quite funny.. But I prefer there anyway, compared to Mid Valley for example- pain to my eyes and my heart.. Mak and Adeq accompanied me there. Adeq buat muka malas- layan kena teman kakak ninja dia sepanjang dekat sana.....

Kepala botak sebab kantoi dengan ustaz keluar outing tak pakai kopiah~

There was this one Abg Tabligh Allah blessedly sent to have a talk with Adeq there. Adeq indirectly had tasykil~ Ya Allah.. Ringan beban kami..

The next day, with the bless of efforts from Abah, Mak, me (walaupun ciput), and that Abg Tabligh, Adeq joined Abah for gash. He even asked Mak to buy him kurta. "Adeq nak pakai macam abg tu." Dan Mak pula, beberapa hari selepas itu, whilst we had a shop in Jalan Tar, she bought Adeq 3 kurta right away. Kakak- kakak dia yang berada di tempat kejadian berharap dalam hati mak belanja kami jubah sepasang dua. Tapi tak de pun.. Ish ish ish..

Adeq.. Adeq dapat chance masuk sekolah Tahfiz.. Kak Tah dulu semangat masuk sekolah Sains, senang je tolak offer sekolah Tahfiz..

Zaman Abbasiyyah dulu, individu tu faham dan dalami Quran tu betul2 dan kebanyakannya jadi Hafiz baru ambil pilihan nak ambil ilmu perubatan ke, ilmu falak ke, astronomy, engineering, falsafah atau hukum, etc etc etc..

Zaman yang penuh dengan orang Islam yang mantap ilmu akhirat dan ilmu dunia.

Masya Allah...

Ibnu Sina, Al Razi, Ibn Yunus, Al Buzjani, Al Karkhi, Imam2 besar macam Imam Shafie, dan ramaaai lagi..

Rasa terkilan sikit. Use it well.. Nanti jadi Hafiz, boleh geng dengan Kak Baby and Kak Darling.. Bestnya.. Bertambah Hafiz, Hafizah dalam family kita..

Allahumma amin..

*****

The result of our big OSCE COMPRE had been announced few weeks ago. Being amongst the 40 out of 76 students of my batch which passed it. Mumtaz, Alhamdulillah:')

I had a post about my worries and apprehension on one station previously. Quite amazed with the result.. Syukur sangat2.. No need to bother about taking remedial and paying things out.. Allah knows best. He knows how hectic my life now and how much should I do good saving upon my money within this moment.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah:')

Now I'm in a quite tough dilemma whether to stay in the 1st wave for this clinical rotation or to apply for the 2nd or even 3rd wave.. 1st wave will start the Ko'as period on this very 4th of April.. 2nd's is on 27th of June, whilst 3rd's is going to be on 19th of September. Istikharah, mesyuarah.. Go Go Go!

O Allah.. I seek guidance and protection from You.

You are indeed The Best of Planner, The Best of Organizer..

Help me to decide and choose anything which is best for me to me, anything which is best for me to You..

Allahumma amin..

Allah, Most Loving, Most Gracious^^

2011-03-02T12:23:00.017+07:00

25th of February 2011

Batch Dinner. Totally managed by us, batch 2007.. To gather in such a way where everyone was there at one place, dine together, taking photos, reminiscing times we've been through whilst having slide shows of our photos and videos since we were in our 1st year till now, 4th year- my heart melting, sobbed..


I love us.. These are people I've been teaming up with since we were doing our A- Level in 2006. Here we are, growing together.. Now we've ended our theoretical years, will very soon start our Ko'as years. That time, everyone will be very much separated from each other, busy with the clinical rotations.. No more typical us- to- us grouping or leasuring around..

Cepatnya masa berlalu..

*****

26th of February 2011

Had somewhat a rehlah in Ketep with my usrah members. Akhawat Jakarta came over either. Dalam 40 akhawat berkumpul untuk tadabbur alam & mengeratkan ukhwah:)

We went to indulge our eyes with an indeed overwhelming beauty scenery on top of the hill then went to the waterfall.. Been loving waterfall since I were a kid.. And trust me, Ketep sangat cantik.. Subhanallah..

We had quizzes on Sirah, Tafsir, Hadiths, and current issues.. I envy my juniors.. They know a lot.. A lot.. Must do more reading and improve my understanding about Islam. More, more, and more!

We had our lunch together, performing Zohor prayer in jema'ah, then headed back home..

Sangat penat, tapi sangat2 happy:')

"Sahabat handai pada hari tersebut (kiamat) bermusuhan antara satu sama lain, kecuali golongan yang bertakwa." Al-Zukhruf, 67

*****

28th of June 2011

Had my Pandadaran. It's a thesis presentation which is a requirement for our so- called theoretical convocation. Must wear black and white.. Hurm.. Been working on it till the very deep of my bone. This thesis thingy had been taking pretty much a big toll on me. Sangat2 banyak masa dan duit untuk salah satu perkara duniawi niT_T Now it's done. Done. Done. Done!

Doctors inside the room behind me~

I got A.
Mumtaz! Alhamdulillah~

Have that sort of a little proud to see my humble work being published as a book^^

Semoga Allah berkati usaha atas benda ni, kecil atau besar.. Semoga dapat jadi salah satu wasilah untuk bagi kebaikan pada diri sendiri dan ummah..
Allahumma amin..

*****

Today

Morning:

My block 4.3 result had been announced today. Been waiting for the result so long.. The post I had about me having these papers were dated around 1 month (plus) ago.. That's my university.. Had been "sangat cekap" in marking paper since we were in our 1st year till now..

Well.. Got A for Coma and Disorders of Altered Consciousness and

A/B for Forensic Pathology.

Mumtaz^^ Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah~

Night:

Will be delivering the topic of Tauhid for our usrah.. Study. Study. Study!

*****

5th & 6th of March: Daurah, "Syahadatul Haq"

Tahukah anda tugas seorang SAKSI?

*****

6th of March: Home. Malaysia~

Bliss of Love

2011-02-23T04:51:00.013+07:00

Done with OSCE.. Alhamdulillah.. To review things back, I'm quite upset with my performance for "Eye Examination" of elderly for Glaucoma case. Nevertheless, I'm pretty glad with my performance for "Antenatal Care" and "Baby Delivery".. The rest of other stations, hurm, hurm, hurm..

The fact is, things had actually been written there earlier ever.. Anything that happen is just the asbab for every logical perspective we, human may able to accept.. Ingat konsep rezeki, konsep usaha dan tawakkal, konsep yakin kepada Qada' dan Qadar~

This OSCE COMPRE is the closing curtain of our theoretical years.. In less than 2 months, we are going to start our KO'AS year. Doktor muda~

As I can't wear niqab in the hospital, I somehow realize that my patients later won't recognize me if they bump into me outside of the hospital. I wonder if they can recognize me through my eyes.. Hurm.. Tak tahu nak rasa sedih atau rasa lawak.. Ho ho..

Well.. Time seems to move quite fast.. We are now busy with Batch Magazine, Batch Dinner, Batch Outing.. Extra things for some of us, for me, we can get ourselves pleasurably busy with usrah and daurah.. Having dinner last night with my usrah members, including the juniors, making me non stop reminiscing all those years I have before I ever reach to this point. Rindu zaman 1st year:')

There are times, I wish I can turn back the clock..

There are times, I wish I can pause the ticking of the time passes by..

Anyhow then, setiap benda yang jadi ada hikmahnya..

Baik atau buruk..

Memories and histories are there for us to manage.

Either we manage them good or otherwise..

Wamakaru Wamakarallah..

O Allah.. In every breath that I have, in every action that I take, In every words that I say, in every decision that I make, please help me to make those happening in ways You like, You bless and always becoming those of which making You love me more and more.. Allahumma amin..

You are the Most Knowing of everything, Most Loving, Most Gracious..


Housemates (plus two etc)..

Now the almost 1 month- semester break is officially started for us, it's time to read booksss I've been pending to read, room- service, dedicate myself for our usrah and daurah, then get ready to go back home^^

B.l.e.s.s.

Ditarbiyyah untuk Mentarbiyyah

2011-02-20T04:12:00.018+07:00

"7 Maratib amal" by Hasan al Banna

1. Fardu Muslim (individu muslim)
2. Baitul Muslim (keluarga muslim)
3. Mujtami' Muslim (membimbing masyarakat)
4. Islah Daulah (Membaiki Kerajaan)
5. Daulah Islamiyyah (Kerajaan Islam)
6. Khalifah Islamiyyah (Khalifah Islam)
7. Ustaziyatul 'Alam (Pembimbing 'Alam)

The stage of shaping an individual muslim is very important.. For that individual muslim to get married to another individual muslim, making two strong main pillars for the Baitul Muslim to stand on. Then, get into the community; Mujtami' Muslim, and another maratib follows..

It feels like it's quite far to be reached.. To moments where we have great empire like what we used to have in Madinah, the 1st Islamic "kingdom", ruled by the great Prophet Muhammad.. Subhanallah.. Continued by all the great Khulafa' ar Rasyidin.. All the great Caliphs.. All the great empires of Islam. Umayyad empire.. Abbasid empire.. Ottoman empire.. We used to conquer 2/3 of the world. Remember..?

That indisputably is not impossible to happen again.

Sunnatullah.

Rasulullah started things out from zero.
There he was, in the midst of terrible jahiliyah era.

Never say that our world now is better than the jahiliyah time.
Aippp.. Takmo pk camtu..

What's the different??

Aurat? Ladies of today's world show more skin compared to jahiliyah girls.. Sometimes they even picked skin- colour cloths. And so tight. Dari jauh dalam gelap ingat ada free- show dah~ *excited*

And even to see ladies in just two pieces of clothes walking around is more familiar than to see ladies in niqab.. Lorr.. Dah memang dalam movie, dekat luar semua pakai camtu. Tak pelik la awak.. Kan? Kan?

Free sex? Yes, in jahiliyah era, they would put yellow flags in front of houses which virgin girls living inside. Anyone was welcomed to "spend some time" with the girl. Ish ish.. Teruknya orang jahiliyah dulu.. Kita tak teruk macam tu. Kita tak payah susah2 pakai bendara pun awak.. The girls today volunteer themselves^^ And we now even have a school indirectly "encouraging" people to have sex. Free condoms, anyone? Lai~ Lai~

Killing baby girls? Zzzzz.. The killing in our time included both baby girl and baby boy. And worst. In jahiliyah time, the married couple killed their baby girl. Now, the non- married couple kill their baby. Yup. No gender bias^^

Da'wah? Rasulullah delivered the teachings of Islam in secret for 3 years. And even later as it was exposed out, Islam was not accepted that easy. So so so not easy:'( Sampai Nabi sendiri kena lempar batu.. Perang segala..

Now? How many of us sit down in a circle of usrah like Rasulullah did with Sahaba r.a? What's the acceptance towards people who go out for daurah, khuruj, tabligh? Sekarang kita pandang orang yang pergi da'wah tu lagi weirdooo dari orang yang pergi vacation hu ha hu ha.. Tuan2 dan puan, zaman dah maju, kita kena lah bergerak seiring dengan era globalisasi dunia.. Da'wah ni sangat old -school la awak.. Begitu lah.. kot.

Together, rebuilding the international prominence of the Ummah!
Set our aim to become ustaziatul alam, as much as how we used to be during the Abbasid empire.

Ni anak saya.. Waktu tu abah dia out station, saya pulak on call dekat hospital.. Dia pun solat sendiri..

*La la la*

Start in you and me, in us. Start in our family.
Let's start!

IQRA'

2011-02-17T03:46:00.008+07:00

Was studying and practicing Baby Delivery for my very soon OSCE COMPRE and I found this video in my practical's folder..

The significant to recite Al Quran (or Zikr) to baby in a mother's womb..

:')

Hurm.. The way how we are created is amongst the greatest miracle ever. From conception to birth, living this life, growing, then die..

Subhanallah.. Alhamdulillah.. Allahuakbar..

Let's go back to our "fitrah".. Let's be grateful and try our best to be in line of why Allah created us at the 1st place.. Let's work to the fullest towards Him!

*Human brain development begin during the embryonic development and continue till birth. Support and nurture this growth with the best of "nutritions".*

Semoga dapat melahirkan lebih ramai ummat yang dimuliakan Allah.

*****

O Allah, if my excellency in this OSCE COMPRE can be one of the many wasilah for me to fulfill the Muwasafat Tarbiyyah, to be functional for Your Deen, to be one of the Caliph with one of the many respected assets You love so much,

I beg for Your greatest love, bless, support, and guidance to go through this well.

Semoga semua kami Intermed 2007 dapat buat sehabis baik!

Shaping up to be the top of the cream Doctors.

Allahumma amin..

A Gift for a Gift..

2011-02-16T05:07:00.006+07:00

Sharing bits of points from the ebook Ruhi gave me.. May it benefit us all..

******

Luruskanlah niat dan tumbuhkan keyakinan. Mudah-mudahan dengan jernihnya pikiran dan bersihnya hati ketika mempertimbangkan pinangan seorang pemuda yang akhlaknya tidak engkau ragukan, sedangkan kemampuannya memenuhi ma'isyah saat ini masih belum mapan, mendekatkan pada pertolongan-Nya..

Rasulullah Muhammad Saw. diriwayatkan berkata,

"Kahwinkanlah orang-orang yang masih sendirian di antara kamu, sesungguhnya

Allah akan memperbaiki akhlak mereka, meluaskan rezeki mereka, dan menambah

keluhuran mereka."

Rasulullah Saw. bersabda,

"Carilah oleh kalian rezeki dalam pernikahan (dalam kehidupan berkeluarga)."
(HR Imam Ad-Dailami dalam Musnad Al-Firdaus).

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a., Rasulullah bersabda,

"Tiga orang yang akan selalu diberi pertolongan oleh Allah adalah seorang mujahid yang selalu memperjuangkan agama Allah Swt., seorang penulis yang selalu memberi penawar, dan seorang yang menikah demi menjaga kehormatan dirinya."
(HR Thabrani).

Abu Bakar Ash-Shiddiq r.a. berkata,

"Taatlah kepada Allah dalam apa yang diperintahkan kepadamu yaitu perkawinan, maka Allah akan melestarikan janji-Nya kepadamu yaitu kekayaan. Allah telah berfirman; 'jika mereka miskin, Allah akan memampukan mereka dengan karunia-Nya'".
(Dikeluarkan oleh Ibnu Abi Hatim, dari Ad-Dur Al-Mantsur).

Allah Maha Luas Pertolongan-Nya. Maha Luas.

Book: "Kado Pernikahan"

*****

Rasulullah bersabda,

"Seorang wanita yang penuh barakah dan mendapat anugerah Allah adalah

yang maharnya murah, mudah menikahinya, dan akhlaknya baik.

Namun sebaliknya, wanita yang celaka adalah yang mahal maharnya,

sulit menikahinya, dan buruk akhlaknya."

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w,

"Barangsiapa yang dimudahkan baginya untuk menikah, lalu ia tidak menikah,

maka tidaklah ia termasuk golonganku."
(HR Ath-Thabrani dan Al-Baihaqi).

"Mintalah fatwa dari hatimu. Kebaikan itu adalah apa-apa yang tenteram jiwa

padanya dan tenteram pula dalam hati. Dan dosa itu adalah apa-apa yang syak

dalam jiwa dan ragu-ragu dalam hati, walaupun orang-orang memberikan fatwa

kepadamu dan mereka membenarkannya."
(HR Ahmad).

*****

Extra reading:

Jangan takut kahwin awal

(Courtesy of iloveislam.com)

*****

اللهم إني أسألك حبك وحب من يحبك وحب ما يقريبني إليك وأدخلني الجنة مع الحب

"Ya Allah, aku memohon kecintaanMU, kecintaan orang yang sentiasa mencintaiMU, kecintaan apa sahaja mendekatkan diriku kepadaMU, dan masukkanlah aku ke syurga bersama-sama kecintaan itu."

I'm so in need of Your guidance now O Allah:'(

Help me.. Guide me..


Allahumma amin...

O Love, O Rasulullah..

2011-02-15T03:53:00.014+07:00

Reminiscing someone..

One with an- almost perfect characteristics..

One with all the good things can be listed on this face of earth..

One who become the best of reference and deliver the best of such..

"Philosopher, orator, apostle, legislator, warrior, conqueror of ideas, restorer of rational dogmas, of a cult without images; the founder of twenty terrestrial empires and of one spiritual empire, that is Muhammad. As regards all standards by which human greatness may be measured, we may well ask,

is there any man greater than he?"

"If greatness of purpose, smallness of means, and outstanding results are the 3 criteria of human genius, who could dare to compare any great man in modern history with Muhammad?"
(L'histoire de la Turquie, 1854, vol II p. 276)

"I wanted to know the best of one who holds today's undisputed sway over the hearts of millions of mankind.. I became more than convinced that it was not the sword that won a place for Islam in those days in the scheme of life. It was the rigid simplicity, the utter self-effacement of the Prophet, the scrupulous regard for his pledges, his intense devotion to this friends and followers, his intrepidity, his fearlessness, his absolute trust in God and in his own mission. These and not the sword carried everything before them and surmounted every obstacle. When I closed the 2nd volume (of the Prophet's biography), I was sorry there was not more for me to read of the great life."

(Mahatma Gandhi, in Young India)

If only you were here..

For me to blessedly feel your beautiful love..

For me to pour mine to you..

For me to see you directly to ask things, to hear stories..

For me to have the best of assistance on what should I do, should I decide..

:'(

How I envy those Sahaba ra who could be with you..

Have your presence..

Have you around them..

:'(

May Allah forgive my taubat.. All of those stupid, sinful and worthless doings I've done:'(

May Allah forgive the taubat of all the ummah of Muhammad..

So it won't be a shame for me, for us to see him..

And we won't embarrassed him..

So we can bring pride to him..

Bring all the great feelings, as much as all he'd been letting us to feel..

Allahumma amin..

Send my love to my very dear Rasulullah O Allah..

Send our love to him..

Send the very deep tender of Asy Syauq we have in our heart, our soul towards him..
:'(

Al 'Isyqu ila Rasulullah...

Salam Maulidur Rasul..

In mind, heart, and soul. Rindu..

2011-02-12T21:43:00.002+07:00

How lucky we are, to be in the midst of living a life as a muslim, in the midst of crowd of muslims, in the midst of the ummah of Muhammad Rasulullah s.a.w (peace be upon him), and being one..

"Kamu (wahai umat Muhammad) adalah sebaik-baik umat yang dilahirkan bagi (faedah) umat manusia, (kerana) kamu menyuruh berbuat segala perkara yang baik dan melarang daripada segala perkara yang salah (buruk dan keji), serta kamu pula beriman kepada Allah (dengan sebenar-benar iman). Dan kalaulah Ahli Kitab (Yahudi dan Nasrani) itu beriman (sebagaimana yang semestinya), tentulah (iman) itu menjadi baik bagi mereka. (Tetapi) di antara mereka ada yang beriman dan kebanyakan mereka: orang-orang yang fasik."

(Alii Imran, 110)

Blessed. Alhamdulillah..

Countdown to 12 Rabi'ul Awwal (15th of February 2011).

Birthday and death date of a man deserved most to be loved.

Rasulullah s.a.w..

Take Good Care. Jagalah..

2011-02-10T17:35:00.012+07:00

Had a talk about communication and relation between men and women with Ain and Tika of which I realized there are so many things to be corrected, to be fully managed..

One of the level in "Maratib al- Marhabah" (Tahapan cinta) is As-sobabah i.e empathy, which is the level of marhabah dedicated amongst the muslims..

Ever wonder how much we've go beyond this? Beyond the border?

Communicate with non mahram on unnecessary things..

Directly or indirectly having ta'aruf at time and on reasons we shouldn't have to..

Use inappropriate manners according to what Allah had lined us with..

Astaghfirullahalazim

Jauhkan lah Ya Allah, dari kami membawa kemudharatan antara satu sama lain:'(

Every muslim has responsible to each other. Each of us.. Together we help the ikhwan to be a truly good and respected muslim, mukmin. And help the akhwat to be a truly wonderful muslimat, mukminat.. Together we shape a splendid Fardhu Muslim for this ummah!

"Tidak ada seorangpun ynag meninggalkan keburukan yang ia rasakan nikmat, hanya kerana Allah, kecuali ia pasti menemukan gantinya dari Allah."

(Ibnu Sirin)

Ummat Muhammad kuat! Allahumma amin.

Ikhtilat...Ikhwah...Akhawat

(courtesy of iLuvislam.com: IKHTILAT)

Ikhtilat merupakan suatu bentuk pergaulan secara bebas yang melibatkan lelaki dan perempuan yang ajnabi. Ia merupakan suatu bentuk pergaulan yang ditegah oleh Islam. Sesungguhnya mengambil mudah persoalan ikhtilat boleh membuka ruang maksiat yang berleluasa dalam masyarakat tanpa kita sedari.

Adakah salah seorang nisa' dan rijal menjaga maruah dan pergaulannya. Bercakap, berurusan, berjumpa dan berbincang atas keperluan? Adakah salah bagi seorang nisa' terutamanya menegaskan suaranya dan menjaga pandangan demi menjaga maruah dirinya.

Kalau dah bergaul dan bercampur bebas masakan kita mampu menahan dan menjaga pandangan. Usah menegakkan benang yang sememangnya basah. Ana bukanlah nak menghukum tanpa memberikan jalan penyelesaian. Jom kita berkongsi tip-tip berurusan dengan bukan muhrim:

1. Elakkan berhubungan dengan lelaki. Kalau ada peluang untuk minta bantuan dari nisa' (bagi nisa') dan rijal (bagi rijal), mintalah tolong mereka. Lainlah benda-benda di luar kudrat kita contohnya apabila nisa' minta bantuan rijal soal baiki latop, kereta dan perkara-perkara yang tak mampu dilakukan nisa'. Silalah mempergunakan kemahiran dan kepakaran yang ada. Begitu jugalah sebaliknya bagi rijal.

2. Andai terpaksa berhubung dengan bukan muhrim gunakanlah perantaraan berbentuk tulisan seperti sms, nota kecil dan sebagainya. Ringkaskan dan padatkan ayat-ayat. Tak perlulah meletakkan ikon senyum yang sememangnya comel. Tak perlu disertakan dengan gelak ketawa seperti huhu, haha, hihi, hikhik. Seolah –olah kanak-kanak tadika mengajar mengeja. Apatah lagi benda-benda lain yang kurang berfaedah.

Andai terdesak sangat untuk bercakap melalui telefon, jagalah suara anda terutama nisa' selari dengan tuntutan Al-Quran:

"Wahai isteri2 nabi, kamu bukanlah seperti perempuan-perempuan lain jika kamu bertaqwa. Maka janganlah lemah lembutkan suara dalam berbicara, sehingga bangkit nafsu org yang ada penyakit dlm hatinya, tetapi ucapkanlah perkataan yg baik."

Takkanlah nak tunggu Allah menempelak kita dengan balaNya?

3. Tundukkan hati. Sepatutnya apabila kita berurusan dengan bukan muhrim kita perlu risaukan kemurkaanNya. Banyak-banyaklah berdoa semoga urusan dipermudahkan dan bebas daripada fitnah. Minta dariNya supaya dipelihara daripada panahan syaitan.

4. Tundukan pandangan. Jangan tertipu dgn matapelajaran kaedah berkomunikasi yang kita belajar "make eye contact with the person you're talking to". Melainkan dengan kaum sejenis. Teramatlah disarankan demi membina ukhwah yang kukuh. Berwaspada dengan konsep "dari mata turun ke hati". Tak bermakna tundukan pandangan sehingga jalan terlanggar tiang.

5. Mempercepatkan urusan. Apabila ada urusan, segerakanlah kerja. Tak perlulah sampai hendak berkongsi hal peribadi, luahan hati, gelak ketawa dan sebagainya yang tidak penting. Berbincanglah di tempat yang sesuai dan segerakan urusan. Jangan lupa peneman anda.

*****

May we able to create "biah solehah" in the "redho" of Allah.

"Kongsi dan curahkan mesra, manja & dll dengan yang sepatutnya dan selayaknya sahaja."

A reminder, sure- fire to me and to all of us.
Insya Allah.

Women, Beyond any other Treasures

2011-02-06T10:39:00.006+07:00

I got a very sweet gift from Tika and Dib, my very dear naqibah:')

And I gave myself a gift either. Another book which I bought from the Islamic Expo went together with Hanim, Tika, and Alia two days ago..

I actually hardly read Malay- writing books before. The books and novel I'm most used with are in English.. To now hand- feeding both, I personally agree that there are certain things best and beautifully described in English, and there are certain things best read in Malay or Indonesian. And if you do deeper reading on the translation of Al Quran, you'll realize that Arabic seems to do best beyond other languages.. Subhanallah..

During our Usrah last night, Husna shared with us about how special women are in Islam..

"Wanita hiasan dunia"

True, but women are indeed more precious that any ornament, bijouterie, or any decorations on this face of earth.. We, women have a splendidly extraordinary position in Islam.. Allah makes us so special..

"Doa wanita itu lebih makbul daripada lelaki kerana sifat penyayang yang lebih kuat daripada lelaki. Ketika ditanya kepada Rasulullah SAW akan hal tersebut, jawab baginda ,: Ibu lebih penyayang daripada bapak dan doa orang yang penyayang tidak akan sia-sia."

"Wanita yang solehah itu lebih baik daripada 1,000 orang lelaki yang tidak soleh."
"Seorang wanita solehah adalah lebih baik daripada 70 orang wali."
"Seorang wanita solehah adalah lebih baik daripada 70 lelaki soleh."

"Perempuan apabila sembahyang lima waktu, puasa di bulan Ramadhan, memelihara kehormatannya serta kepada suaminya, masuklah dia dari pintu surga mana saja yang dikehendaki."

"Tiap perempuan yang menolong suaminya dalam urusan agama, maka Allah SWT memasukkan dia ke dalam syurga terlebih dahulu daripada suaminya (10,000 tahun)."

"Mana-mana wanita yang menunggu suaminya hingga
pulanglah ia, disapukan mukanya, dihamparkan duduknya atau menyediakan makan minumnya atau merenung ia pada suaminya atau memegang tangannya, memperelokkan hidangan padanya, memelihara anaknya atau memanfaatkan hartanya pada suaminya kerana mencari keredhaan Allah, maka disunatkan baginya akan tiap-tiap kalimah ucapannya, tiap-tiap langkahnya dan setiap renungannya pada suaminya sebagaimana memerdekakan seorang hamba. Pada hari Qiamat kelak, Allah kurniakan Nur hingga tercengang wanita mukmin semuanya atas kurniaan rahmat itu. Tiada seorang pun yang sampai ke mertabat itu melainkan Nabi-nabi. "

"Apabila seseorang perempuan mengandung janin dalam rahimnya, maka beristighfarlah para malaikat untuknya. Allah SWT mencatatkan baginya setiap hari dengan 1,000 kebajikan dan menghapuskan darinya 1,000 kejahatan."

"Apabila seseorang perempuan mulai sakit hendak bersalin, maka Allah SWT mencatatkan baginya pahala orang yang berjihad pada jalan Allah."

"Apabila seseorang perempuan melahirkan anak, keluarlah dia dari dosa-dosa seperti keadaan ibunya melahirkannya."

"Apabila telah lahir anak lalu disusui, maka bagi ibu itu setiap satu tegukan daripada susunya diberi satu kebajikan."

"Apabila semalaman seorang ibu tidak tidur dan memelihara anaknya yang sakit, maka Allah SWT memberinya pahala seperti memerdekakan 70 orang hamba dengan ikhlas untuk membela agama Allah SWT."

It's indisputably indeed is, one of the luckiest thing ever in my life is to be blessedly created as a woman:')
Alhamdulillah..

There are more and more..

Mountain of gifts Allah showered us with..

Proof of His Great Generosity and Love..

It pretty much embarrassing to realize how more often than not, I've let myself being deceived by all this great love.. To get attached too much to love of human, too exaggeratedly having a flowery and lovey dovey feelings over what human provided whilst Allah non stop pouring His sweet and tender greatest love in every stage of a woman life and even already prepare gifts for us await there in the hereafter..

O Allah..

For the love of Yours I desperately want..

And for the love of mine I devotedly dedicated as whole to You..

One with The Best, The Sweetest Romance ever..
The Almighty of Everything..

The Kind of Faith They Have

2011-02-01T21:35:00.006+07:00

These many days are filled with news and stories from Egypt. I pray the most for the very best of safety for my friends there to go back home.. Go back to Malaysia, as soon as possible. Amin..

Besides the worries and apprehensions upon my friends, I can't stop adoring the great spirit of the Egyptians. How much they put for the revolution they indeed deserve to get.

There is a full video of raw footage of praying protesters being attacked on Mubarak's orders floating around. Touch me deep..

Remind me of The Great Battle of Badr.. When ill- equipped 313 muslims (plus a few horses and 70 camels) fights against well equipped 1000 men (plus 100 horses and 700 camels)..

Best wishes brave Egyptians!

Keep yourself updated on Al Jazeera.net

Respect Our Niqab

2011-01-29T07:05:00.014+07:00

When I was little, my sisters and I wore niqab as many of Abah's students wearing it. Indeed, we didn't know what it is all about, nonetheless, we simply just like it, especially when Abah and Mak would praise us a lot for that. Mak had been wonderful, sewing the hijab and niqab for us. Those we wore were the old- school one: the one requiring buttons at the side. Hurm.. What tickles me is the fact that at that time, we wore niqab even whilst wearing our short- sleeves shirts. Pfffttt~

I had a chat with a friend about niqab last night. She told me things which annoy her about the niqabis: she didn't discriminate us for wearing it, but for the fact that some of us don't sincerely respect our niqab.. Well.. Each of us wear niqab for different purpose yet different understandings, but the very basic niat i.e intention must always Lillahita'ala. The rest of other intentions or beneficial purposes will come after. Insya Allah.. There are indisputably things to always being highlighted about. So we'll always in the right tract, not slipping elsewhere..

"Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder"

Fatwa of Sheikh Ibn Uthaimin stated that:

"The first of those bodily parts that she must cover is her face. It is the source of temptation and the source of people desiring her. Therefore, the woman must cover her face in front of those men that are not Mahram (i.e. father, huband, etc.)

I won't conclude that wearing niqab is a compulsory, there are many other discussions on this matter based on Al Quran and sunnah and other fatwas. But the point is about the function of niqab itself.

To me, personally, niqab put me in a state of feeling so much protected. Feel so attached to Him. It makes me somewhat feel like surrendering myself as whole to Him instead of having the wishes to look pretty to human.. There's this sense of beautiful romance blooming towards The Great Almighty, The Greatest Lover, The Best Protector.. If only I can really wear it the whole time.....

Niqab helps to minimalist the source of temptation that we, women have. About temptation, it doesn't go only to so- called hot and pretty girls. Many features of our face can melt a heart.. Some girls has simple, but sweet and pleasant smile which is just enough to make people admiring them.. Or nice eyes, nice eyebrows, lovely cheeks, her mole, etc etc etc..

In this matter, please, be honest with what the niqab is meant for. There's no need to highlight what is left to be seen i.e the eyes. I don't think it's appropriate to put mascara to make our eyelashes go sky- high.. Or putting colorful eyeshadows turning our eyes into rainbow.. Or exaggeratedly draw a Cleopatra eye- lining, so thick and so long.. And worst: camwhoring..

Hurm....:(

Niqab should actually helps to make us cutting the temptations we consciously or subconsciously make people have on us. Even if people "attracted" to look at us as we are dressing differently from others, the fact is they have nothing to see upon our look~

Let's together keep trying and teach ourselves to really be honest. Bersikap sederhana boleh mendekatkan diri kepada Allah.. If by wearing niqab happens to be one of the significant wasilah for us to feel close to Him, we should really go for it. If it happens to enable us to avoid those effort to beautify ourselves the fact our face is covered, that can also be one of its function.

Nevertheless, if it happens to yield a feeling or conditions opposite to what it should actually be, I think we've been rude to this wonderful form of modesty..

Istiqamah

It's a tough thing for everyone, in many of the matters in this world actually, not just about this niqab- wearing thingy..

I'm pretty lucky, my housemates are all supportive and it's been such a splendid inner strength in having a very wonderful, pleasing, and supportive akhwat. My naqibah is my own housemate, hence forming part of the backbone I need.. Tika always says such things which makes me feel comfortable in what I wear.. Alhamdulillah..

I read about some ladies having problem in wearing niqab all the time. Some even plan to quit the job as they can't wear such in their workplace.. This matter put a great apprehensions and doubt on me either. We are not allowed to wear niqab for classes and definitely not in the hospital. *tapi pakai face mask boleh pulak.. gugugu*.

Howbeit, I'm sticking to what Abah and this one kakak said: "Buat yang semampunya.."

Imam Abu'l-Qasim Zamakhshari from his tafsir of Surah an-Nur (ayah 31) talks about the meaning of "illa maa zahara min ha", that is, what the situations of ordinary life compel her to expose.

Certain world's rules and regulations need not to be fight out much as long as it doesn't make us go beyond amar ma'ruf nahi mungkar.. Another example is the one happening in the airport during the passport checking. There are times I notice the niqabis being asked to briefly lift up their niqab, and they do it.

Not everything can be the way how we want it to be.. Selalu doa, may this can be one of His Great and Generous sustenance for us. He knows best what to approve for us. He knows best what He must not give His consent for us..

*****

*All these are sure- fire a reminder for me, and everyone else*

Stay With Me..

2011-01-25T18:06:00.012+07:00

It had been a truly cold day today. Made me chilled inside out. My anxiety was at its highest peak for the Forensic paper to be sit this morning and for my first time of going out wearing long hijab..

I owe my honey sister a lot.. She helps and encourages me to the fullest once I told her about this matter and still being such ever..

I picked black for there's one friend who told me that's the color of Rasulullah wives' clothes. Perhaps it can be a good kick- start. I cut and sew it myself as nice as possible.. I'm not sure is the shape and size I made is the way how it should be or the other ways round.. Front's length reaches some few centimeters below my navel and back's length reaches around my waist. Ni yang 1st.. Nanti yang lain2 lepas ni nak buat lagi bagus..

To see me in the mirror, I felt myself melting. Felt like crying.. Palpitations.

Ruhi was the first to see me this morning.

"Wahhh.. Comellll"

Ok. Takut dah kurang sikit..

Then to reach campus, the the first eyes I had mine to meet with were my very dear Hanim and Tika.. Their presences were what I needed a lot to sooth my trembling heart, their words and pamper were what I needed a lot to strengthen my weaken knees:') My hands were pretty cold and somewhat shivered so I held Tika's hand tightly. I felt like hugging them, but afraid that I'll shed my tears.. Nak exam ni. Takmo emo2~

Lots of our friends reached then. The boys truly embarrassed me.. Tapi bila pk balik, jadi gelak pulak^^ Some few faces and words I would love to capture:

Nasrul: Waahh. Pqa! Alhamdulillahhhh~

Nazirul: *The typical him when he's amazed or blur or apa2 yang sewaktu dengannya- mata besar, mulut nganga sikit*

Even William and Ray asked me about it..

I couldn't even raise my chin up and indeed couldn't directly see them in the eyes.. Aiyok. Rasa macam baru kenal je pulak dengan diorang ni-_-

Before the examination started, Mal came and gave a light soft pinch on my cheek.

"Comel.."

She wished me luck.. I told her what I felt and she told me how much she understands upon what I felt.. I believe she truly do. She'd been in my place, though in somewhat a different situation.. I have a truly huge respect to her on that.. Her smile and her words touched me deep and made me felt bolder. Thank you Mal:')

Ok. Takut dah kurang lagi..

Hanim kept saying how much she loves to see me in this way.

" I rasa tenang je tengok you macam ni.."

O Allah.. She'd been the remedy for an eye sore to me all this while.. The chamber of my comfortableness.. Person I can get myself as bubbly as possible.. A shoulder to cry on.. It's good to know I can be that way for her either.. She told me her wishes to also wear long hijab. She used to before, during her schoolhood.. Wahh~ Sangat suka. Ada geng nanti^^

Well.. When she also joined the Daurah that day, my heart bloomed like a morning glory flower. What more if she ever does the same thing for this one. She's my bestfriend.. She makes a significant part in me:')

I have my own reasons of having myself to go for all this stuff.. Reasons beyond what I can share to anyone, even to Emak.. It may not be hard to others, but it somehow indeed is to me.. It was the 1st day of my struggle and I found lots of things which help making me believe that I've made a right decision:')

To get myself ready for class this morning, I found that it does a good help for me to keep a long healthy hair. I can make a simple ponytail without having to worry if it can be seen as the hijab is long enough to cover it. Anak2, kalau sanggul rambut banyak2 sangat nanti rambut macam tak berapa sihat..

Then, Ruhi and me had our Zohor prayer together in Super Sambal for lunch. I performed my solat in what I was wearing.. Tak payah pakai telekung^^ Another jackpot that I used "Stokin wudhuk", i.e it can be folded up without having had to be taken off..

To boot, it's a lot easier for me to do my hijab especially as only 1 brooch is needed. Previously, I need 4 brooches to pin my hijab~ I'm not the "lilit sana lilit sini" type of girl, nevertheless, I'm quite particular about looking presentable. Selalunya memang sangat lame nak pakai tudung. Ish..

Sumayyah yang baby je lagi ni pun relax je pakai tudung besar. Mak tah ni.. Belemoih la~ Ish ish..

Meh duduk Perlis dengan Sumayyah, kursus pakai tudung labuh~

Withal, Alhamdulillah..

Thank you Allah for the strength You showered me with,

right from the Great Love and Care of Yours

and through everyone around me..

Learning.. Learning.. Learning..

Insya Allah..

It Surely Will Come

2011-01-24T08:59:00.009+07:00

Last two days we had a class for "Memandikan & Mengkhafankan Jenazah". It was the second time for me to learn it. Still, I have a doubt if I can really properly perform it, and there's a great and heart-shaking bewilderment about me, myself being done so by other people..

Am I ready?

Have my Taubat truly accepted?

Do Allah really forgive those huge heaps of sins I've done through all my life?

How much He at least lessen the heaviness of the azab..?

How much good deeds I have?

Is my points of rewards enough?

Will be sitting for my Forensic Pathology paper tomorrow. Like it or not, I have to serve my attention to photos of dead bodies, photos of heartrending corpse, photos of dreadful and catastrophic wounds, burns, etc etc etc. All about death:'(

Sahaba r.a left the world leaving all the good stories about themselves. Be it about their contributions to Islam or about their characteristics.

Abu Bakar As Siddiq represents softness, merciful, and compassionate. None of which we can find in the history anything about his bad.. None. Ibnu Abbas when describing him, he said:

"Kana Khoiran Kulla"

Everything about him is good.

Umar Al Khattab, a man well known as a symbol of stern and firmness. For him to be a muslim had been one of the glorious history for the muslims, for us. And one of the many gob-smacking facts about him; he's the worst thing for syaitan where syaitan won't even dare to use the path he's using. They would run. It's somehow beyond imagination for a human to actually freaks that creatures that much. But that's for real..

And these two people are even known as the wings of Islam, where Ali r.a used to say:

"Rasulullah s.a.w will go out with Abu Bakar and Umar, and will come back with Abu Bakar and Umar."

The wives of Rasulullah listed thick pages of beautiful stories and wonderful characteristics either.

Indeed they indubitably are.

Khadijah r.a is one of the truly great women in Islam. She has almost all the first- class qualities for a woman even before she became a muslim. The very first person who accepted Muhammad's teaching, the very first bestfriend of him..

Aisyah r.a represents intelligence, acquisitiveness and one who always eager and thirst for knowledge. She even became the reference for the Sahaba r.a in many matters, especially about Fiqh.

How about me...?

When I die, how would people talk about me? How will they describe me while I'm alive?

Which group of people they will put me in?

What contributions have I pour that deserve a sincere appreciation?

How will I be in meeting You, O Allah.....

"Ya Allah.. Jadikan sebaik- baik umurku pada hujungnya, dan sebaik- baik amalku pada hujung akhirnya, serta sebaik- baik hariku pada saat aku menemui- Mu."

Amin.. Amin.. Amin..

A Great, Wonderful Message

2011-01-23T02:20:00.002+07:00

A message to the SISTERS IN ISLAM..

A message for us..
A message for me..

O Allah..

Please, always stay with me, with us..

Please O The Most Loving Most Generous..
Love us.. Be with us..

Guide us, help us protect us..
To be the best, blessed, most beautiful flowers, fi Dunya wal Akhirah..

O Allah..

Give me the strength.. Never leave me O Allah..

For I need You in every single second that the clock ticks:'(
Makhtag eleik Ya Allah..

Leek, ana melki leek.. Leek, whorokhy feek..
Wentallana ba'sha' hawah.....
To You I have my breath for, to You I will have it ends..

To You I'm giving my everything to.

Allahumma amin...

Tummy Indulgence: Chicken Curry

2011-01-22T07:39:00.007+07:00

I love cooking, I believe most of us do. The pleasure of preparing the dishes, having the aroma to sooth us within, and to actually indulge ourselves with our own touch or we call "air tangan" are part of the best things about it. And to me personally, the wonderfulness which tops the rest would be the gladness of having people to enjoy it^^

Here, a recipe I would like to share. I altered the recipe on my own based on my very dear Emak's recipe and Kari Mamak's.

"Dr. Pqa Chicken curry"

1 whole chicken (i usually cut it into 10)
Rempah 4 sekawan: Cardamom (more than 5, less than 10), Clove (5), Cinnamon (2), Star anise (5). *These flavors are based on your liking, but too little won't help much to enhance the taste, too much will spoil it.*
A spray of Curry leaves. *Tak ada pun takpe. Jangan risau ye tuan2 dan puan2^*
Curry powder, 5 tablespoons. Make it into a paste by mixing with half to 1 cup of water. *I like to use Baba's or Alagappas. Ada ummph^^*
Tomato sauce
Plain water, around 1 liter.
Kerisik, 1 table spoon. *Optional*

Chopped, blend or mashed these:

Garlic (4 cloves)
Red onion (4 cloves)
Ginger (thumb size)
Cili api (2 or 3. Kalau ada budak kecik amam sekali, 1 dah cukup..)

*I prefer mashing it using "lesung". More old- school^^*

Slice these:

Sweet onion (whole of it. if it's too big, half is enough)
Red onion (3,4)
Coconut milk (half cup)
Sugar to taste
Salt to taste

Cut these:

Fresh red tomatoes
Potatoes

*1 or 2 is enough*

Let's start it~

1. Heat the oil in the frying pan or pot. I hardly can put the exact measurement, it can be around 5 tablespoons of oil. If you want a healthier and yummier dishes, add an olive oil to it. The ratio of cooking oil to olive oil can be 4:1. *Nak lebih pun takpe.. Tapi minyak sayur mahal~*

2. Fry the "4 sekawan" and put in daun kari. Bila kayu manis nampak dah kembang, add in the mashed ingredients. Fry till they turn yellowish. Takmo sampai coklat taw.

3. Add in the sliced ingredients.

4. As the sliced onion half- cooked, pour the curry paste. Kecikkan api sikit. Biarkan, tapi kacau sikit2 sampai naik minyak. *Biasanya waktu ni baru pqa prepare ayam; potong, buang lemak, bersihkan apa semua. Jimat masa^^*

Naik minyak macam ni. Kalau tak naik minyak, nanti kari tu "mentah", macam tak sedap sikit nanti..

5. Pour 3 tablespoons of tomato sauce. Stir them well.

6. Add in the potatoes and chickens. Bagi ayam2 tu golek2 dalam kari tadi.

7. Pour in the water, slowly. Takmo terus curah taw.

8. Kacau. Kacau. Bila nampak ayam dah masak (dah takde darah keluar), add in coconut milk. You can add more if you prefer a milkier taste^^. *Biasa orang Melayu kita pakai banyak santan. Kari mamak tak letak santan.. Kalau nak berniaga tapi nak kari yang sedap, pakai resipi kari mamak.*

9. Add in kerisik and tomatoes. Stir..

10. Add in sugar, around 1 teaspoon. And finally add in salt, based on your own liking^^

11. Bila ayam dah masak, kentang dah empuk, tomato dah lembut, tutup api.

Cupcakes- baking Time:)

2011-01-21T16:16:00.001+07:00

Ingredients for the cupcake:

150g butter
185g self raising flour (it's okay to use plain wheat flour, but add 1 teaspoon of baking powder)
150g caster sugar (i usually use normal sugar, simply blend it^^)
1/2 teaspoon of sodium bicarbonate
3 eggs
1 teaspoon of vanilla essence

For the icing:

100g butter
200g icing sugar
2 teaspoon hot water
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
Anything you prefer for decoration (eg. chocolate rice)

Let's start working~

Mix butter with the caster sugar. Stir them well..
Add in the eggs then vanilla essence. Stir nicely..
Add in the flour. Mix them together. Arrange the paper cups inside the cupcake molder.
Fill in the mixture about 3/4 full. *kalau nak buat icing tu tebal & tinggi, isi separuh je*
Bake for 10 minutes at 180 degree Celsius.

Let's make the topping^^

Beat butter and icing sugar well. Sampai kembang taw.
Add in hot water, then beat again till the mixture turns creamy and white.
Don't top the cupcakes with icing while the cupcakes are still hot. Biarkan sekejap dulu..
Then decorate as you wish=)

I wish you were here

2011-01-20T20:30:00.006+07:00

It's the 4th day Abg Adam in Turkey.. He still doesn't know the exact date he will return to Jordan. I believe it's best to be that way. Let him focus on Da' wah to the fullest before he get himself back to the business of study. Me here, must focus on my papers next week: "Forensic Pathology" and "Coma & Disorders of Altered Consciousness".

He keeps reminding me to study well and to take good care of my solat.

Take good care of my solat.

I've been through the ebook I got from a friend on "Panduan Sifat Solat Nabi: Takbir Hingga Salam".

Good care doesn't only mean performing 5 prayers completely or having lots of Solat Sunat. It's not merely how much, how many, but how good they are. I believe our Prophet really put a serious and high concern on the quality of his solat as much as how he put a solid and splendid care on other ibadah.. Solat is indeed is exceedingly important in Islam.. Semoga dapat betulkan tiang agama ni baik2..

..I wonder how it feels like to have Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to lead my prayer.. To recite the Du'a..

..I wonder how it feels like to have Prophet Muhammad s.a.w around..

O Muhammad..

I wish you were here..

For there are so so many things I wish I can tell you..

Mountain of stories to share..

Ocean of things to ask..

:'(

I miss you...

...

Rindu

2011-01-19T15:33:00.002+07:00

Missing people we dear so much can bring a flowery and lovey- dovey feeling inside. Nevertheless, it can be painful when it's too much to bear..

I don't know if Sufia can understand that Abg Alid is out for 40 days Da'wah..But I'm sure she really, truly, deeply misses her Babah.. Muncung mulut boleh ikat nak cakap "Rindu Babah". Hee^^

Same goes to Kak Na who non- stop telling me how much she misses her hubby..*Sampai tak tahu dah nak respond apa. Dah la takde experience kena tinggal suami pun. Zzzzz....*

Mak tah rindu Sufia..

Rindu mama Sufia..

Rindu rumah..

Rindu semua..

...

OUR VICTORIES, Do you still remember?

2011-01-17T19:11:00.005+07:00

We got our 4.2 result today. I got A.. Mumtaz, Alhamdulillah.. Hurm.. It was one of the best block to me anyway. The professors, doctors, and panel guests are good, the blogging- contract was such a great offer being taken, and the event of Merapi eruption had made the block merrier. I miss my geeky, nerdy blog^^

Talking about Mumtaz, I blessedly found a great video of the very great victories in our history, Islamic history..What more when these happened during Ramadan~
Kalau boleh guna berjam jam untuk tengok movie, tengok bola, do willingly to spend some moments to wait for this video to be fully loaded and watch, and grab anything which is beneficial out of it..

Let's open our heart, open our mind, open our eyes.

Look, learn, and understand OUR HISTORY.

Cus history teaches us about SUNNATULLAH.

It's for their great, noble contributions that Islam is breathing till now..

It's our responsible to continue and bring back the glorious times of Islam!
Let's be part of the contributors!

INSYA ALLAH~

To feel Loved and Protected

2011-01-16T13:51:00.007+07:00

Went for our usual weekend Daurah yesterday. More akhwat Jakarta with us and the juniors look as eager as babies to hand- feed almost everything. Same goes to me. Tapi Piqa kan kakak, control sikit. Hee~

In the morning, my heart blooming to the fullest to see Ruz:') Ruz gave me a big hug and I hugged her tightly. Rindu sangat dekat Ruz.. I have to excuse myself earlier for my thesis's experiment. Before I left, Dib told me there was a souvenir. The typical me, my heart jumping with great excitement. Wee~ Ada hadiah^^

They hugged me so close, kissed and Dayah handed me a truly sweet give, fruiting a feeling I hardly experience on other gifts I usually get..

to PIQAH

"Semoga tsabat di jalan ini."

Love, akhwat jakarta.

Felt happy and touched. Deeply touched..

Somewhat the same developing in me like months ago, whilst I were drowning pathetically in the mud where Tika and Ain texted me and they began with;

"Piqa, Tika sayang sangat Piqa"

"Piqa, Ain sayang sangat Piqa"

But that time, I was also filled with embarrassment and regrets..

This time, SEMANGAT~

O Allah.. I love them either. Very much. Beyond what I can actually say or show.. Please pour them, pour us, the very blessed of Your Love ever..

Amin..

Remember.

2011-01-12T04:12:00.005+07:00

I've got to know more and more people these days.. People from world so different from me.. Know lots about Hadits, about Quran, about Fiqh in Islam.. And they are not only know about such things, they actually really understand it.

The wall of my room is pasted with lots of notes. Respiratory patterns in coma; Cheyne- Stokes, CNH, apneustic, ataxic.. Immunization schedule.. Pneumonia.. WBC counts.. GCS.. etc etc etc notes on my study..

And a small space towards qiblah, to where I sit to spend my time on my study table (not always for study purpose, indisputably is) is my grading and score since I was in my 1st year till now 4th year.. "Sayonara Jahiliyah" notes I got during our Daurah.. Zikr from "Kitab Ilmu Perubatan Kesufian" from dear Abah.. And some quote of my favorite significant ayah in certain surah of Al Quran.. All that I choose to have them within my sight just because they have significant purpose or meanings to me..

None of those I have on my wall include any notes on Islamic study.. The significant dates in Islam.. The notes of the important war in Islam.. etc etc etc.. None of what beyond things I pick just based on what I want or my favorite..

More often than not, I don't know about my own religion.. Fiqh, Sirah,Tajwid.. I believe somehow I've been too much in chasing this worldly matters to much.. I cry till I got my nose red like a clown, till my eyes turn into a puffy golf- ball, and mourning as much as a pity wife crying for his husband death when I can't understand what I heard in the lectures or what I read.. And exaggeratedly being so either if I got a not- so- good grade in my examination..

Nevertheless, I wasn't such when I didn't remember the date of our beloved Rasulullah's death when one my Daurah member raised up the question about it that day.. And despite the fact that I've lead the prayers so many times since years, years ago, nonetheless pathetically finally realized about my so so so many mistakes in my Tajwid only a few days ago:'(

So eager and work hard to memorize and understand this and that pathology, diagnosis, etc.. Notwithstanding, hardly do so to understand Islam to the fullest. And always make as if I know a lot about.. With no shame believe I've understand a lot about it.. Too far to actually memorize more and more surah in Quran..

And I thought I've devoting myself enough to the word;

لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله

We need time to learn, we need time to learn from mistake, we need time to rebound back, we need time to grow.. While the time that we have to live is actually as SHORT as the time between Adzan to Iqamah..

O Allah.. Help me, help us all to use the time You grand us with as splendid as how You've greatly created us..
Amin..

Bubbly Baby

2011-01-10T19:59:00.012+07:00

"Kak Nah.. Piqa macam sedih.."

"Sama la.. Tengah sedih sangat ni.. Abg Alid keluar 40 hari.. Meh, balik rumah.."

"Wuu... Piqa kena jimat la.."

"Meh la balik... Kita main dengan Sufia~"

"Wuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

Sufia my darling had grown up so fast. Yesterday I talked to her and she was so excited telling me about her "Lion Story".. No more baby- talking.. It's a little girl- talking^^ Kak Na said she was so excited running to get her book so she can tell the stories to me. She is now 1 year 8 months. The clock seems to tick pretty fast..

Sufia, 4 months old baby. During the times Kak Nah and Abg Alid were studying in Germany

One year old baby

1 year 3 months.
Suka sangat buat jugak apa pun orang lain buat/ pakai~

During Aidilfitri 2010.
Suka tiru mama & mak cik2 dia.. Pakai macam2.. Handbag dengan high- heels pun nak pakai~

Sufia makin besar, makin pandai, makin comel^^
I miss you so much honey
Mak Tah sayang Sufia sangat2...

Gratitude to The One

2011-01-04T20:27:00.004+07:00

Well.. I was wondering around through loads of file in my lappy to get some idea for my Islamic Class assignment, then I found a video in my 2nd year folder: From Conception To Birth. Feel quite fragile and dull at this moment, so I worked on this video that somehow, someway, I feel refreshed. Not that much, but it helps.

Sit back, relax, and here, a gift~
Enjoy the video:)
*keep your volume high*

May we always remember who created us, how, and why.
Amin..

Good Seeds, Beautiful Flower

2011-01-02T21:42:00.005+07:00

This is such a sweet pie for a sour tongue the fact that there are times, we lament about our soon- to- take career.. I mean, honestly, we have pretty much heaps of apprehensions floating around especially about the pressure we will face later..

Nanti nak ajar anak2 pasal medic awal2.. Dekat hospital dah jadi doktor layan orang lain, balik rumah ada doktor comel pulak layan. Hee^^

"Wahai Tuhan kami, anugerahkan pada kami pasangan dan keturunan yang menjadi permata hati kami dan jadikanlah kami pemimpin orang- orang yang bertaqwa."

Amin..

Light of Taufeeq

Do it, for YOU

The unforgotten ingredient in a legendary recipe..

"Pray, and tell Me"

Beyond the definition of Love

Every Little Thing

"Love ME, I will love you more"

A Radiant Building

"Ummi and Abi want you, honey"

Gift of Love from The Khaliq

O Allah.. It's so Beautiful..

The Silhouette of Nikah

Bliss. Bliss. Bliss

"Rahsiakan pertunangan dan war-warkan tentang perkahwinan."(Hadith riwayat Ahmad dari Abdullah bin Zubair r.a, dan disahihkan oleh al-Albani di dalam Irwa’ al-Ghalil)

A wonderful Beauty

"Dan Kami perintahkan kepada manusia (berbuat baik) kepada dua orang ibu bapanya;ibunya telah mengandungnya dalam keadaan lemah yang bertambah- tambah, dan menyapihnya dalam dua tahun. BERSYUKURLAH KEPADAKU DAN KEPADA KEDUA ORANG IBU BAPAMU, HANYA KEPADAKULAH KEMBALIMU." (Al-Luqman, 14)

Doctor for Doctor

A Caliph to A Caliph

Pouring Me More and More

I need My Guardian

With Allah's Great Love and Mercy

Of Chores & Six not to get Sick

Expect The Unexpected

Allah, Most Loving, Most Gracious^^

Bliss of Love

Ditarbiyyah untuk Mentarbiyyah

IQRA'

A Gift for a Gift..

O Love, O Rasulullah..

In mind, heart, and soul. Rindu..

How lucky we are, to be in the midst of living a life as a muslim, in the midst of crowd of muslims, in the midst of the ummah of Muhammad Rasulullah s.a.w (peace be upon him), and being one..

Take Good Care. Jagalah..

Women, Beyond any other Treasures

The Kind of Faith They Have

These many days are filled with news and stories from Egypt. I pray the most for the very best of safety for my friends there to go back home.. Go back to Malaysia, as soon as possible. Amin..

Besides the worries and apprehensions upon my friends, I can't stop adoring the great spirit of the Egyptians. How much they put for the revolution they indeed deserve to get.

There is a full video of raw footage of praying protesters being attacked on Mubarak's orders floating around. Touch me deep..

Best wishes brave Egyptians!

*Keep yourself updated on Al Jazeera.net*

Respect Our Niqab

Stay With Me..

It Surely Will Come

A Great, Wonderful Message

Tummy Indulgence: Chicken Curry

Cupcakes- baking Time:)

Let's start working~

Mix butter with the caster sugar. Stir them well..

Add in the eggs then vanilla essence. Stir nicely..

Add in the flour. Mix them together. Arrange the paper cups inside the cupcake molder.

Fill in the mixture about 3/4 full. *kalau nak buat icing tu tebal & tinggi, isi separuh je*

Bake for 10 minutes at 180 degree Celsius.

I wish you were here

Rindu

OUR VICTORIES, Do you still remember?

To feel Loved and Protected

Remember.

Bubbly Baby

Gratitude to The One

Good Seeds, Beautiful Flower

Keep yourself updated on Al Jazeera.net

Fill in the mixture about 3/4 full. kalau nak buat icing tu tebal & tinggi, isi separuh je