Bliss. Bliss. Bliss

Ma'al Hijrah, 7th of December 2010

Many asked me things on how I decided upon this and that.. Till how I appear to be now.. I can't say which is the exact point, nonetheless, the du'a I recited for Ma'al Hijrah this time gave a strong frisson in my veins.. The meaning of both the end and opening du'a of the year gripping my soul so hard.. There was somewhat a switch being turned on in me.. My soul drenched in regret, in guilt, in gloominess to think how not- that- beautiful my life had been through all this years..

To Allah.. To Rasulullah.. To my family.. To myself..

I want to make a new "book" about me. Fill with beautiful stories to proudly present to Him. To Allah..

I performed istikharah for the 1st time on one matter that I actually had long realized is forbidden in Islam, yet very very common to us.. I finally made a strong and firm decision on letting go something I've been clinging on a lot within these 2 to 3 years.. Something so wonderful yet consciously or subconsciously dragging me away from The One. The Almighty. Allah.

Despite Emak, Abah, my family, and certain friends being very happy on my decision, I was actually very down.. I cried a lot within so so so many days, weeks.. Indeed fragile.. Nevertheless, there were people who stayed by my side.. Family, especially dear Emak and friends.. Supporting me for good. Keeping me strong. Upon the decision I've made. Upon myself.

Alhamdulillah:') 

Friday, 31st of December 2011

Ain invited me to join Daurah they were having that day.. It was a coincidence. A great coincidence. We bumped into each other at the parking area. Both of us were going back home. I wonder if either one of us left the area earlier.. Allah's arrangement was indeed beautiful.. The big topic is "SAYONARA JAHILIYAH".

Indeed, farewell jahiliyah..

Thank you O Allah.. Thank you so much...

That was the very 1st time I joined Usrah with such a truly open and welcoming heart.. Different from any other Usrah I had previously.. More and more Daurah joined then, till now. Alhamdulillah.. Jaulah, rehlah.. I have my own Usrah members which I dear them so much.. I have my own Naqibah, which are also my friends.. Sayang Tika dan Dib baaaanyak sangat~ I have numbers of Murabbi.. Being away from parents, from family, that happened to be an indisputably comfortable security for me..

I also made new friends with numbers of wonderful people online. Teaching and sharing me lots of things, improving my understanding on many things.. They never met me, but their supports and care are amazing. Allah bless them. Amin Amin Amin..

I was slowly taught to wear socks and hand-socks especially by my very dear Hanim.. I gradually learned wearing long and loose garments.. Gradually put away thin and short hijab.. My wardrobe slowly replaced with long blouses and Jubah..

Slowly learn to instill the Mujahadah. Not only for myself, but also for my deen, for the ummah. Fillah!

Tarbiyyah itu tak semuanya mudah..

Tapi indah dengan apa yang ada padanya, darinya:')

Alhamdulillah:')

Monday, 24th of January 2011

I have an enormously strong feeling of putting on a long hijab and niqab. It's like, having such feeling to get the attention of Allah.. I put lots of effort to make human love me more and more.. It embarrassed me to think how little I've done in securing Allah's attention and love towards me..

The feeling got stronger after watching a video of "Rasulullah menangis di Padang Masyar".. I believe Rasulullah will cry either if he knows and sees me in such an inproper way.... Astaghfirullahhal'azim.........

I actually have Forensic's paper the next day but I spent my time out almost the whole day looking for cloth, niqab, and sewing the hijab.. I bursted into tears to see me in such a way.. Way so different from the previous me..

But there it is, to wrap myself in such garments; loose and long dropping on my body, my heart blooms and my soul somewhat rejuvenating.. Feel like something great is hugging me..

Alhamdulillah:')

Friday,  11th of February 2011

Mak called and told me about a talk she had with someone.. A serious talk.. My blood runs high to my heart at its highest peak upon the matter..

The khitbah..

My heart touched a lot and I somehow scared.. I've known this guy since 2005. But during the early days, I only knew him by stories from my brothers. About his kindness, his Quran recitation, his performance in study, etc.. He was also Abah's student. Abah's favourite student to be exact.. Abah and Mak praised him a lot either.. My family all know this guy and all these years, they never stop talking almost every inch of details about him.. Lebih- lebih lagi Kak Nun dan Kak Nah.. Ish ishhhh...

Time for istikharah and mesyuarah..

To Allah I leave everything to. Everything.

Anything which is best for me to me, anything which is best for me to Allah..

Maulidur Rasul, 15th of February 2011

I told Mak and Abah that I accepted his Khitbah..

I'm now booked.

I know my future husband, but not that well.. I've talked to him numbers of time, talking on things, but not in depth. I even had never sit next to him.. But I believe in Allah. I have my whole faith in Allah.

We used to see each other several times though.. The 1st time we met was in 2006 when he came to our house to celebrate Abah's birthday.. The 2nd time we met was in 2007 when he helped to drive Mak, Kak Nah, and Ujang to visit me in Sepang when I was doing my A- Level.. The 3rd time, and the last time so far, was in 2008 when he brought his family to our house during Hari Raya..

How time flies.. Now it's 2011..

The 4th time for us to meet is later, during our wedding day on June.. 

Friday, 11th of March

OSCE Compre result had been announced. Was amongst half of my batch whose selected to enter the 1st wave of our clinical rotation. It's a jackpot to me indeed.. Alhamdulillah.. 1st wave starts the rotation almost few months earlier compared to the 2nd wave and 3rd wave.. Means later I can request for a break to get married and it won't cause me to end my practical too late. 

Exceedingly grateful with the arrangement by Allah:') There are tests and difficulties here and there, but honestly, in every bit of it, I can see and feel how great Allah's love and mercy is.. Rabbi Yassir wala Tua'assir..

Alhamdulillah:')

Friday, 18th of March 2011

My engagement..

Meeting his family for the 2nd time.. My family knows his family better than me as they've met several times before.. Tak aci~

Having an ice- breaking session with them.. I realized that it wasn't only a ta'aruf between him and me.. It's also between his family and me, also his family and my family..

They are nice.. Very nice indeed.





Forgive me for not informing about the engagement earlier.. I don't think it's proper to spread it out too soon..

"Rahsiakan pertunangan dan war-warkan tentang perkahwinan."(Hadith riwayat Ahmad dari Abdullah bin Zubair r.a, dan disahihkan oleh al-Albani di dalam Irwa’ al-Ghalil)

Time to start preparing my self, preparing things for the standing of my Baitul Muslim..

Alhamdulillah:')

*****

To those who ask me about couple or any kind of man- woman relationship before marriage, my answer is explicitly assured in asking you to leave it, or stay away from it..

Allah tak mengharamkan perasaan cinta.. Allah tak mengharamkan kita menzahirkan cinta.. Tapi Allah haramkan kalau kita pakai cinta tu dengan cara yang salah, pada orang yang salah, iaitu orang yang tak halal bagi kita..

Don't be scared about what human may say or think if what you decide is what is certainly the way Allah wants things to be.. We may be ashamed to ask for Allah's forgiveness but it's more shameful to continue doing something Allah hates.. People may not forget what we've done but put our faith in Allah.. It's His judgement that matters most..

"Tidak ada seorangpun yang meninggalkan keburukan yang ia rasakan nikmat, hanya kerana Allah, kecuali ia pasti menemukan gantinya dari Allah."
(Ibnu Sirin)

Allah dah cakap kan, kalau kita bertaubat dengan sebenar- benar taubat, pintu ampunan Dia terbuka luuuuuuaaaas sangat.. We can't determine how much Allah accept our prayers, our taubat, but don't stop trying..

Iman manusia turun naik, kita sama2 usaha jaga waktu iman turun, dan gunakan sebak- baiknya waktu iman tu naik.. Insya Allah..

If there's something flashing in your mind that you think you should do, something which is what Allah likes, something Rasulullah teaches us to do so, then just do it. Don't hesitate. We never know what Allah actually prepares for us later:))

Ummat Muhammad boleh~!

*****

I've answered questions from certain people here, especially about my change, and also about my status.. Huhu.. 

Minta maaf sangat mana yang pqa lambat jawab.. Sorryyyyyy....

I owe Kak Izyan about books recommend for ladies to read and Kak Umu about soy bean.. Will answer it by chance given by Allah later, Insya Allah..

I'm having an examination next week.. Can't wait to end Forensic Department^^